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makeupgirl

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One thing I'm noticing since I've been raped. Even though it's been about 3 years. My freedom is very important to me. No matter where I am or who I'm with, it's important to me. At first I thought it was my free-spirited personality and maybe in some way it is but in living with my controlling step-father again made me realize that my freedom is very important and it started from my recovery from being raped. Does anyone else feels the same way or is it just me?
 

walking-in-love

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I am not sure where you are coming from here makeupgirl .....Can I ask you a question ...Do you feel safe where you are living with your step-father ? ... and are you getting any help with what you have been through.... Can you talk with someone you trust? .....Ok I know that was more the one question.... You are very brave coming here and seeking help.... Love Jane
 
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spazlegs

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People who have been controlled, and tasted not being controlled, have difficulty in submitting again. People who've been traumatized react against getting in that situation again. Pretty normal. Since you're 28, it is definitely time to get away from the stepdad, and on your own. Getting some martial arts training in a hard type of martial arts such as Krav Maga or Shotokan Karate will also give you confidence.
 
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makeupgirl

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sorry this is late coming respsone, been busy with work. I'm going to answer to you both.

I'm not comfortable living with my step-father because his controlling but for right now I have to until I save enough money for my next apartment. Which will be soon hopefully. I have talk to a couple people at church and actually talked to my mom about it. My sister and I always talk and were in the same situation so she's been helpful. The main thing that freaks me out about living there is his cursing, his need to control everything, I mean he controlled where my mom sat yesterday at thanksgiving dinner. Not only that but each time I go into the kitchen and it's an open kitchen to the living room, he stares and it's creepy because of my trama with the rape. I fear it may happen again. He even stared while I was eating dinner the other night and I was inwardly freaking out. My sister told me when he doesn't that it's his way of picky or trying to start a fight or argument. I regret wholeheartedly moving in and I'm saving money to move out. I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life than staying in the same place as my stepfather. I need my freedom.
 
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makeupgirl

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update***I couldn't take what was going down at my mom's house and she couldn't either. My sister and I moved in with my grandma until we get a place. My mother is also moving out possible next month. I don't like the idea of divorce for anyone but I'm actually hoping that this marks the end of her abusive marriage. The abuse he afflicted on my sister and I ended last night but in a way it's not over completely until my mom divorces him. I'm so afraid that she's going to go back after she moves out, which would defeats the purpose for moving out. He made the decision for me and my mother and sister to get an apartment together but my sister and I couldn't wait that long. My gut tells me that something was about to go down and my blood pressure and my past experience wouldn't allow me to go through that. I actually locked my door the other night because I was that afraid. I'm glad it's over for now but I now have to experience another recovery road, especially since I've been experiencing flashbacks from my rape. Why does this tie into that, I don't know. All of the abuse just triggered what should have been long dormatted. I'm feeling better since moving out last night but it's going to be a long road.
 
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