Former in-laws

Do your children really miss the grandparents? Are they hurting because they have not heard from them?

My ex mother-in-laws actually helped my ex kidnap my children once, but the kids love their grandparents, so when I noticed after the divorce that they were not contacting the children, I wrote a letter to my father-in-law, who was not insane, and said "I want you to know that despite everything happening between your son and I, I do not want to come between you and your grandchildren. If you would like to call them, please feel free to do so. If you want to visit them, please let me know, and we'll see what arrangements can be made."

Their grandfather called them the very night he got the letter.

I didn't let go of the hurt, or the fear, but only let my sister and my Aunt know it existed.

I don't know. I love my in-laws so much that I will miss them much more than my husband if they decide to stop talking with me or we just grow distant. One time, before stbx and I married, we broke up and I cried only because I would miss his family so much. I think I've always liked them more, ever since he introduced them to me the first summer we dated.

In your case it sounds like you need to treat dealing with the in-laws much like you should deal with your stbx; as if it is a business relationship. You might have to set up arrangements for them to see the children in a non-emotional way - in order for the children to maintain a relationship with them. You can vent your emotion about it here, and/or with a therapist. And treat them and your stbx as business associates. I don't know if I know what I'm talking about here, it's just my uneducated opinion on the matter.

God Bless,
Kanga