For never marrieds

I am a 42 year old single-never-married gentlemen and, to be quite honest, could not be happier. As a matter of fact, I could not image living any other way. And since marriage really is not a priority or a pursuit I, as a result, do not date and pretty much run and hide from the singles scene. But that is not the point of this post.

As a single-never-married does anyone else here struggle with fitting in in a church environment or the Christian community in general? It seems there are not any real good small groups to get involved in (maybe I am not looking hard enough). I would like to get in involved in a good men's bible study but they almost always meet at some awful hour like 6:00 AM at Denny's. Most single groups seem to be made up of singles-previously married; and while I do not want to be judgmental do not fit in with that group or really enjoy their company. Again, not to point the finger, but many of the singles I have been around seem unhappy or have this sense of empty unfulfillment and I am nothing like that. Anyhow, does anyone else here share the same sentiment with this post?

stryperfan said:

I am a 42 year old single-never-married gentlemen and, to be quite honest, could not be happier. As a matter of fact, I could not image living any other way. And since marriage really is not a priority or a pursuit I, as a result, do not date and pretty much run and hide from the singles scene. But that is not the point of this post.

As a single-never-married does anyone else here struggle with fitting in in a church environment or the Christian community in general? It seems there are not any real good small groups to get involved in (maybe I am not looking hard enough). I would like to get in involved in a good men's bible study but they almost always meet at some awful hour like 6:00 AM at Denny's. Most single groups seem to be made up of singles-previously married; and while I do not want to be judgmental do not fit in with that group or really enjoy their company. Again, not to point the finger, but many of the singles I have been around seem unhappy or have this sense of empty unfulfillment and I am nothing like that. Anyhow, does anyone else here share the same sentiment with this post?

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yes that is how it happens when your peers all pear off and your not

NorthWord said:

I feel young here, something that hasn't happened to me in a long time! I'm only 36, but I, too, have never married. I've also been blessed with chastity throughout my life. I'm thankful for that! Some people are so surprised to find out that I'm still a virgin, but I'm always surprised that people are surprised. It's not because I present myself as the kind who would give in to a man, but, rather, because it's so unexpected to find anyone over "a certain age" (what is that "certain age," btw? Does anyone really know? :S) still a virgin. I'd committed myself privately to that before I was a teenager because I knew it was what God wanted of me until I married. I'm thankful to say that most of my boyfriends have been extremely respectful of that & had the same values. Even one who'd given himself to a woman before he was a Christian was thankful for my virginity, as it helped him to live right in his new life.

It's all due to God, of course!

Up here in the Arctic I actually find the singleness easier to bear in some ways - there's a great lack of single Christian men my age. In fact, I don't know of any! If they are here, I have yet to meet them. Still, it's also frustrating because there are no prospects for me here & that's actually quite discouraging at times.

Overall, though, I am very content & have great friends to hang out with. All women, but great friends nonetheless. I do miss having a man my age or close to to talk with, as I don't feel right having men as friends if they're married or committed to other woman. Just isn't right to me. If the situation was such that I knew him before & the woman was my friend, too, then it'd be a little different, but I'd still be extremely cautious.

I'm thankful to know that there are many on this site in my place. Praise God for the support!

Anyway, the struggle goes on, but in God we have the victory!

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Margo, I SO understand (LOL). I also am 35, never married and a virgin. As the years roll past, I am a bit anxious regarding marriage. I so desire to have a husband and children. It scares me sometimes that I may not have the opportunity to marry in the future but until then I am still waiting on God.

There are a number of people that are just horrible commercials for marriage in and outside the church (lol). I try my best to learn as much as I can from friends that are married. Like so many others, I really love my freedom and the opportunities that are now opening with ministry.

It's weird but I must say independence is definitely a blessing in singlesness and the opportunity to grow closer to the Lord. It helps during those lonely periods to know that you are not alone. Thanks for allowing me to share. God bless.

stryperfan said:

I am a 42 year old single-never-married gentlemen and, to be quite honest, could not be happier. As a matter of fact, I could not image living any other way. And since marriage really is not a priority or a pursuit I, as a result, do not date and pretty much run and hide from the singles scene. But that is not the point of this post.

As a single-never-married does anyone else here struggle with fitting in in a church environment or the Christian community in general? It seems there are not any real good small groups to get involved in (maybe I am not looking hard enough). I would like to get in involved in a good men's bible study but they almost always meet at some awful hour like 6:00 AM at Denny's. Most single groups seem to be made up of singles-previously married; and while I do not want to be judgmental do not fit in with that group or really enjoy their company. Again, not to point the finger, but many of the singles I have been around seem unhappy or have this sense of empty unfulfillment and I am nothing like that. Anyhow, does anyone else here share the same sentiment with this post?

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I feel for you stryperfan...The last singles group I was involved in were mostly divorced, separated or single with children...I never fitted with that group...I don't have a problem fitting in the church community or Christian community in general...There are many wonderful, godly Christians in many churches that would appreciate and love you just as you are...
I pray God would lead you to a small group you could be involved in...

Lord bless,

..Nestor..

saying hi! I am new to this forum here.

God bless
Jessica

magnify said:

This is geared towards the more "mature" single.

I am never married.
I read about divorce, even multiple divorces even in the church family.
I read about unhappy marriages and affairs even in the church family.

Because of all that I sometimes think I am glad to be single.
I think I would rather be single than deal with all that.
Anyone else feel that way? At least sometimes?


PS I have nothing against those married or divorced, etc.

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dear tryme,
why do you read about divorces and broken marriages..? i am curious? i know it's being realistic. But have faith because God always wants us to have good and happy life...have faith dear!!I am sorry for broken marriages among christian families.I know it happens and sometimes unimaginable..but christians are tested more than non christian when things like that happen i think God is telling something and He wants to reveal something thru our trials..These trials are blessings indisguise.I also was in the same boat. But God gave me hope and a new life now. AWESOME life that I cannot thank him more...!!! I am so happy that when i look back it was difficult, i was full of hurt and pain. God helped me go thru them.
Whatever one goes thru there is always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.. sometimes you don't end reach the end of the rainbow and you get already the pot of gold..this what happend to me...!!!Praise GOD!!!!!have faith!!!
It happens and that we are not in control of each person/family differs from others. We just have to pray that we don't fall into the same thing but to have faith in God and not to be worried ahead of what will future brings us..but to offer each beautiful day to his care.
why not read more about happy marriages and newly engaged people instead?
the world isn't bad for married people and to those who plan to marry...i know you aren't against marriages as i read your post.
read and focus more on positive things of life..read the bible and God's promises...it's great to be in love and to be married ..or to be engaged.. problems, personal differences are parts and parcels of life..
There are still many happy couples around. May not be perfect but life is not perfect at all.The imperfections make it beautiful as well.

in cor 13..says.."the greatest of it is... LOVE"
sweetie,what you focus on.. is what you attract...
God bless you dear..!

I try not to over anaylize or over rationalize everything to death. Because then it starts turning into a "poor-me-baby" pity-party.
However, yes, I do enjoy my freedom from time to time, but mostly I don't.

In some ways it gets easier and easier to be single and in other ways it gets a little harder.

True, nb. I find taking care of myself and my daily needs gets a little easier. I'm improving in some skills, as well as knowing myself better so that decisions are easier.

What's harder is motivation, because I don't have a lot of people in my immediate circle. Having people in my life gives me a little more energy (I'm an introvert, but it's nice to have people around who know you and for whom you want to do things). And certainly meeting people gets a little harder, being out of the 20something (or even 30something) stage in which people generally actively try to get to know as many people as they can.