Ever feel like your days are numbered?

JoabAnias · May 15, 2009

Michie said:
Tell me about it. Been feeling the same way. It makes me feel like the worst person in the world.

I say my patience prayer every night & had a couple glasses of wine yesterday which helped relax me.

Sometimes I just feel so pressured about everything.

Then comes the lack of patience.

Sometimes I think we can be to hard on ourselves. Years ago this was something an ultr lib professor used to say to me a lot. I think she was partially right.

St Franscis De Sales is quoted as having said; "Be the best 'you' that you can be".

That also rings true for me a lot.

On another hand, I read in my consecration recently that we are not to let our trials "crush" us.

So this give me some perspective.

If one knows thyself, we know our limitations. I don't think the Lord expects us to push ourselves up against those limitations until we are crushed.

I think he expects us to know when its time to take a break before that happens. Thus comes in the factor of not being to hard on ones self. I think it really can amount to a near occasion to sin, expecially if one is pushing themselves so hard that they in fact to sin because of that.

That is not being the best "you" that you can be, but striving to be a better you that your not. Know what I mean?

I think in an even deeper sense, these limitations can be tools the Lord uses to direct our path where He wants us. The key then becomes hearing that voice and following that direction.

I think I am definitly being led in a new direction but as usual, its into a fog and I am scared of the fog.

JoabAnias · May 15, 2009

Anygma said:
Joab, dear bro, is there anything in your life that hasn't changed? there are a lot of huge changes in your life. each of which are already quite an adjustment on their own, now add each one together and it's quite a compounding mix of stressors.

in times like that, it's important to pick your battle wisely, sorting priorities. i think you shouldn't put too much energy in the CF at this time... ministry wise. because you cannot keep giving if your fuel thank is running on low... refuel yourself in RL first... and give yourself time to adjust to all the things that have changed in your life and still will be changing.

i know i spend too much time here too and i enjoy your and Isabella's presence around... you help make OBOB what it is, a nice place to want to stick around sometime it's ok, if all you can do is ask for prayers.

i think Isabella has some wonderful idea, going for a walk together would be a very good thing to do

Thank you for this wonderful advice. Its this Spirit you exhibit that I think of every time I mention the Church in the feminine "she"

I think it is a new season that I actually entered into a while ago.

I don't mind the changing seasons really, sometimes they just take me by surprise. Metaphorically, it comes down to doing Gods will instead of my own. Of course, that process is fraught with discerning what that is exactly and checking my own intentions. There is a fine line in deciding. At least for me.

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

JimR-OCDS said:
I've come to realize recently, that my ego drives my mood swings. When I think of things in the past where I've been hurt, I conjure up daydreams where I could get even. Or, I'll dwell on the future, where I begin to daydream how things will be well, when I retire, live a different lifestyle, have this or that, you name it.

The ego loves living in the past or the future, but is weakened, when you live in the present.

And, the present is all that is real anyway. The past is gone, and the future is yet to come. So, if I can't be happy in the present moment, I'll never be happy. If what I'm doing in the present, isn't what I desire to be doing, then I need to change it.

In all, Jesus said, don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.

Living in the present, is where God is. God, being eternal, has no time clock. He is the I'AM, the Now. So, be in the presence of God, by living in the present.

The present is where reality is, and accepting reality is the food for humility.

In Christ Jesus
Jim

Had you ever heard De Sales said; "If we overcome our egos 10 minutes before we die we have done well"

Why do you think injustice and heresy bothers us so much?

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

MariaRegina said:
Having a midnight job is hard on your body, mind, and soul.

My husband was always grumpy and not himself when he was on the midnight shift.

It took several years of being off that job before he returned to being himself again.

My prayers. Yes, get a normal job with regular hours.

It sure does weaken ones defenses against themselves to say the least.

When I got out of being self employed in 1998 it took me 8 months before I could sleep through the night without waking up.

When I first retired, I had sleep deprivation so bad that I could not sleep more than two hours and two hours after being awake would be exhausted.

Thats what came from working 24/7 for 10 years. I learned the hard way that there is no substitute for sleep.

I think I need to learn again that there is no substitute for when you sleep either but I am in a trap atm.

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

ShannonMcCatholic said:
Ummm....what do you think happens when you pray to learn patience or to grow in patience? The Lord sends you things to teach you patience.

When we have the same trials over and over again---it's a gift, because we're not learning whatever it is that we're supposed to be learning. (Writes the queen of the very same six challenges which meet her again and again and again......)

I can see a 5-6 year cycle/pattern that I have gone through about 8 times now.

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

Fish and Bread said:
You know, Joab, in your position, I probably wouldn't be on here nearly as often as I am. We like seeing you, I'm not trying to get rid of you, I'm just saying that part of what makes this place worth the constant aggravation for me is that I literally don't have anything better to do, my health means a lot of time on my back, and I can't find a romantic interest to lay down with.

Well I think we both know thats a cop out and as far as the ideas on fornication, I'm not surprised. We should learning what love is. Its not self centered.

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

Fish and Bread said:
The last post I made on this thread had some practical suggestions, but just on a less tangible note, I realize life is basically a very tough aggravating ball of max for a lot of folks. You may not have quite the same problems I have in terms of health, romance, and lack of a real future (I'll never own a house, for example), and I may not have the same problems as a starving guy in some third world country who is trying to avoid being attacked by some sort of juanta; but almost everyone has their own pains and frustrations that are very significant to them personally. I even read about people who experience a lot of success in their careers, are wealthy, and have their pick of women (or men) who are really depressed or otherwise are having issues in life.

It's easy for me to look at you and say "Geez, he's a beautiful fiance and his health, what's he upset about?". It's easy for the third world guy to look at me and say "Geez, he's got enough food to eat and and a television, what's he upset about?". I think we all look at the rich and famous and wonder what they really have to be upset about. But we all have our struggles.

I wish there was an easy answer. Really, though, things just are as they are. When you realize that you can't control everything, that can help a little. It can also help a little to embrace distractions and things that bring small moments of joy, like sports, music, or television. I certainly in your shoes would embrace my fiance. But in the end people's pain is a part of them, and usually can't be solved or entirely mitigated -- for better or for worse, it's a part of life for most folks.

Good post Fish. The only thing that truly upsets me is offense to God. I happen to see that more than most. If I am upset at any other time its sin. This isn't about being upset, its about a premonition of feeling like ones days are numbered. You see, I don't mind if that comes to fruition or even if I make it a self fulfilling prophesy. Whats the point of being here when its largely fruitless? I appreciate your suggestions just the same but I despise the world almost as much as my self (which isn't nearly enough). The answers are within and surrender to He who lives in us. The answers lay in our struggle between our own Spirit and Flesh. They are in overcoming our unruly selves and passions to love the Lord because He deserves to be loved. Not for what we might get from Him. Take a look in a mirror some times and see which makes you smile more, looking at yourself and the thought of gratifying the flesh or looking at a picture of Jesus. I can't say its looking at Jesus, but I want to be able to. I want my spirit to be ordered correctly and it wants to be but it has obstacles to overcome. They are myself and the world. Nothing else matters as much. To love your God with all your mind, heart and soul and worship no other God before Him is the only place real joy comes from.

benedictaoo · May 16, 2009

JoabAnias said:
I'm not really angry about anything. Just moody and feeling fed up. If there was anything to forgive I would. This is just a mood of being tired of putting up with ridiculous stuff. Its sapping my charity.

I get like that all the time Joab. That is why daily Mass is essential.

ShannonMcCatholic · May 16, 2009

benedictaoo said:
I get like that all the time Joab. That is why daily Mass is essential.

If you are going to daily mass, and you still get like that "all the time"...that doesn't really bear evidence to conversion, though. Wouldn't it perhaps be better to couple daily Mass (if you are able to make that happen) with really trying to work out the root cause of your anger and impatience? To try to understand what is behind it--whether spiritual and/or physical and/or emotional? All the grace in the universe doesn't matter if we don't do anything with it once it's been given to us. Our habitual states of being, struggles, sins, challenges, etc. are gifted to us so that we can see where we need to go deeper in and make changes so that we can grow in union with Christ and with others.

Fish and Bread · May 16, 2009

JoabAnias said:
Well I think we both know thats a cop out

I'm not sure what you mean.

and as far as the ideas on fornication, I'm not surprised.

I didn't say anything about fornication. If I had ideas about that, I certainly wouldn't be posting them on a religion forum. I'm surprised you didn't jump to the more obvious conclusion, in the context of *resting*, which would be cuddling and watching a movie or something.

JoabAnias said:
Good post Fish.

Thanks.

The only thing that truly upsets me is offense to God. I happen to see that more than most. If I am upset at any other time its sin.

How do you know with certainty when God is offended? There are things that you may feel offend God, even with good reason, that in fact in specific instances may not. God knows people's hearts, and he knows himself, better than any other outside observer can.

Sin is a little more objective, but even then in the bible God often wants people to leave the sin of others to him. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" is the punch line of one memorable passage to that effect. There is also something about not pointing out the mote in your neighbor's eye when you have a log in your own (I'm not saying you have a log, it's just a general statement).

I am not saying this in any way to make you feel bad, I just can see it tying into your peace of mind a little bit. If you let things others do or believe that don't really affect you make you really angry, you're fighting a losing battle with yourself in seeking peace, because you can never really control others, at least not very many of them, and not fully.

Peace doesn't come from the people around you, it comes from within. Spirituality can play a role in that, too.

This isn't about being upset, its about a premonition of feeling like ones days are numbered. You see, I don't mind if that comes to fruition or even if I make it a self fulfilling prophesy.

I am not sure whether you mean you think you are going to die soon, or whether you mean your days on this message forum are numbered. If the former is the case, I'd say the best thing to do is to get anything done that you really want to do that's in your power to do before the end -- now would be the time to do that sky-diving or whatever you've always wanted to do. If it's the latter, you know, it might not be the worst thing in the world. You've got a wonderful fiance to spend time with, and some other nice things in your life that you can focus on, and not being here could bring down your blood pressure and such -- so there is a bright side.

Whats the point of being here when its largely fruitless?

I'm not entirely sure there is a point. It's a fair question.

I appreciate your suggestions just the same but I despise the world almost as much as my self (which isn't nearly enough). The answers are within and surrender to He who lives in us. The answers lay in our struggle between our own Spirit and Flesh. They are in overcoming our unruly selves and passions to love the Lord because He deserves to be loved. Not for what we might get from Him. Take a look in a mirror some times and see which makes you smile more, looking at yourself and the thought of gratifying the flesh or looking at a picture of Jesus. I can't say its looking at Jesus, but I want to be able to. I want my spirit to be ordered correctly and it wants to be but it has obstacles to overcome. They are myself and the world. Nothing else matters as much. To love your God with all your mind, heart and soul and worship no other God before Him is the only place real joy comes from.

What you tried praying the liturgy of the hours? You might enjoy that.

benedictaoo · May 16, 2009

ShannonMcCatholic said:
If you are going to daily mass, and you still get like that "all the time"...that doesn't really bear evidence to conversion, though. Wouldn't it perhaps be better to couple daily Mass (if you are able to make that happen) with really trying to work out the root cause of your anger and impatience? To try to understand what is behind it--whether spiritual and/or physical and/or emotional? All the grace in the universe doesn't matter if we don't do anything with it once it's been given to us. Our habitual states of being, struggles, sins, challenges, etc. are gifted to us so that we can see where we need to go deeper in and make changes so that we can grow in union with Christ and with others.

Let me correct it Shannon, it's the lack of a daily routine that gets me distracted. If I go to Mass, i don't get like that all the time.

i find Mass helps my daily routine where if I start my day off with it, i can stay focused.

if i get lazy and fall away from that routine (of praying)- i can easily fall away and just go with what ever emotion I'm feeling.

That is why i say, thank God for confession.

ShannonMcCatholic · May 16, 2009

benedictaoo said:
Let me correct it Shannon, it's the lack of a daily routine that gets me distracted. If I go to Mass, i don't get like that all the time.

i find Mass helps my daily routine where if I start my day off with it, i can stay focused.

if i get lazy and fall away from that routine (of praying)- i can easily fall away and just go with what ever emotion I'm feeling.

That is why i say, thank God for confession.

That's same for me, too!

benedictaoo · May 16, 2009

I think i have spritual ADD. Mass is my Ritalin.

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

benedictaoo said:
Let me correct it Shannon, it's the lack of a daily routine that gets me distracted. If I go to Mass, i don't get like that all the time.

i find Mass helps my daily routine where if I start my day off with it, i can stay focused.

if i get lazy and fall away from that routine (of praying)- i can easily fall away and just go with what ever emotion I'm feeling.

That is why i say, thank God for confession.

man you would not like my routine then.

I will loose two complete nights sleep this week and then try to get up in the moring three other days.

The rest of the time I will just have insomnia.

I did the daily Mass for a few years. Then I had a move to another town and couldn't and never got back to it.

I've loved going weekly ever since though.

But I sure am irregular. Its rather nuts actually but hey, gotta make a living right?

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

benedictaoo said:
I think i have spritual ADD. Mass is my Ritalin.

.

De Montfort is mine.

benedictaoo · May 16, 2009

what ever works Jaob.

JoabAnias · May 16, 2009

Fish and Bread said:
I'm surprised you didn't jump to the more obvious conclusion, in the context of *resting*, which would be cuddling and watching a movie or something.

I used to think I could do that to. Thats how I got 3 kids and made Augustine look like a choir boy and why I now have grand kids too. If we hadn't stupidly fell for contraception in my torrid past I would have had a lot lot more.

How do you know with certainty when God is offended?

By doing it so much myself. We can't see other faults unless we see them first in ourselves. I come well equipped.

Peace doesn't come from the people around you, it comes from within. Spirituality can play a role in that, too.

Yup thats what I meant, mostly.

I am not sure whether you mean you think you are going to die soon, or whether you mean your days on this message forum are numbered.

Oh, I didn't mean to give doom and gloom ideas. I just sense a change coming and have since things changed, if you get my drift. I am different since dad died. Thats all. Life seems more fleeting.

What you tried praying the liturgy of the hours? You might enjoy that.

Yup, own my own copy. Actually did it with a group of nuns, a deacon and laity for a couple years every morning at 7am. Then I moved and lost touch again but was feeling burned out by trying to hard at my devotions by then and found a different balance that I am now comfortable with that so far ,the past few years, has felt sustainable for me and still exceeds the precepts of the Church. I did the whole 7 hrs at the monastery back in holy week. I got the same burned out feeling for some reason and am to lazy to push through it like I know I should and even though I do find it invigorating. I have some gnarly flesh to contend with. I do love the office though and still read it on-line a bit. Especially when my other daily devotions have a gap in them.

Anygma · May 16, 2009

JoabAnias said:
... If I am upset at any other time its sin. This isn't about being upset, its about a premonition of feeling like ones days are numbered. You see, I don't mind if that comes to fruition or even if I make it a self fulfilling prophesy. Whats the point of being here when its largely fruitless?...

In this I see the title of your op, and that title rings true for me also. As a kid I already felt that I might not live long. I didn't know if I'd make it into my teenage years, and from teenage to adulthood. Obviously I made it further then my expectations and that makes me ever thankful to God for being alive each day.

With my limitations, I feel useless to the world. When I came back home to the Church, I got an overuse injury of the hands/wrist and felt even further limited in my ability to bear fruit. After I received the plenary indulgence in 2000, I prayed to God that he would take me with him now, for fear of offending him again.

Now that i have children i fear what might happen to their spiritual well being if i die. but my fears are probably just as well grounded as the one i had when i was a kid thinking i would not make it to adulthood. it's my struggle right now and like any season of change in our lives, it's hard not to worry. it's through those difficult times that we learn to trust though. it's easy to say, Lord i trust in you, when everything is going well.

i hope and pray that your fog lifts up very soon, and that you find yourself at the top of the mountain

my hubby saw and read/spell checked first half of my post, and i guess it was a good thing for him to learn about my main worry, it gave us a chance to talk about it for the first time ever since the kids are born, i believe... and it helped ease my worries to some degree.

must get ready for the evening mass, i will keep your intention in my prayers

JoabAnias · May 17, 2009

Anygma said:
In this I see the title of your op, and that title rings true for me also. As a kid I already felt that I might not live long. I didn't know if I'd make it into my teenage years, and from teenage to adulthood. Obviously I made it further then my expectations and that makes me ever thankful to God for being alive each day.

With my limitations, I feel useless to the world. When I came back home to the Church, I got an overuse injury of the hands/wrist and felt even further limited in my ability to bear fruit. After I received the plenary indulgence in 2000, I prayed to God that he would take me with him now, for fear of offending him again.

Now that i have children i fear what might happen to their spiritual well being if i die. but my fears are probably just as well grounded as the one i had when i was a kid thinking i would not make it to adulthood. it's my struggle right now and like any season of change in our lives, it's hard not to worry. it's through those difficult times that we learn to trust though. it's easy to say, Lord i trust in you, when everything is going well.

i hope and pray that your fog lifts up very soon, and that you find yourself at the top of the mountain

my hubby saw and read/spell checked first half of my post, and i guess it was a good thing for him to learn about my main worry, it gave us a chance to talk about it for the first time ever since the kids are born, i believe... and it helped ease my worries to some degree.

must get ready for the evening mass, i will keep your intention in my prayers

Thank you for this sister. This is a very touching post. I am glad this brought you closer to your husband. I am reminded of how God must think of us when we have instinctive thoughts about our own kids. I think that sort of communication you discribe is in large part what marriage is all about. "The two become one". I have been on the brink of despair before like when getting divorced. I am far from there atm but as I think back, I know its a blessing to desire heaven and I think what Jesus meant in the beatitudes on the mount when He said blessed are the poor in spirit. Also as I think back more I think I have actually been most happy and content when I was desiring heaven the most. I know that may seem like a contradiction but faith is full of mystery and paradox. I think there are all types of us. Some completely different than the others but one in Christ. Constantine said; our greatest triumphs come in times of greatest adversity. I suppose thats why when this journey is over we are born to eternal life. The jubilee year of 2000 met most of us with great joys that year I think. As we continue in the year of St. Paul, I am seeing the same blessings coming all over. Plenary indulgences have abounded this year too. I expect them to continue for us through all phases of life. Each season brings new trials but its as its intended because as JPII said; its our experiences that animate our Christian walks. It has real purpose and meaning because through then we to also can bring Christ to the world.

Peace be with you.

Tigg · May 17, 2009

ShannonMcCatholic said:
Love others the most when they deserve it the least....and try to remember that a lack of patience really has nothing to do with anyone else, and has everything to do with us being far too attached to ourselves, our viewpoints, what we want to happen, our expectations. A lack of patience is really a lack of humility, and essentially a lack of trust in God--He'll make things work out for the very best even if we aren't in total control of how it all plays out.

That's at least where my ongoing struggle with being the absolute least patient person in the world has brought me....lol!

I'll be praying for your endurance and supernatural peace through your current trials (not for your patience...because then God sends stuff to teach us patience...lol)

And you might also want to give tea a try...there's something so soothing in a cup of tea.....

Egads! :-I I am worse off than I thought...ty sorta...

There is not enough tea in the world...

Ever feel like your days are numbered?

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Steward of proportionality- I Cor 13:1, 1 Tim 3:15

Steward of proportionality- I Cor 13:1, 1 Tim 3:15

Steward of proportionality- I Cor 13:1, 1 Tim 3:15

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