Does anyone know how to have a childhood?

Broadwaygirl585 · Mar 7, 2007

I never had a real childhood. I was always having to deal with adult situations and things are really complicated. I have posted some threads the situation before. But i finally figured out what is bothering me. I was never really a child. I get depressed all the time and i have been taking medicine for it since 5th grade. but the thing is, I am 16 and i want to have a childhood. I can't really get back what i missed though because now i have new responsibilities and problems. So i just need to know if there is a way that i could have that experiance and stop being so depressed all the time. I don't know if this is really a problem, but i know that i missed something and i need it.

Onlythingavailable · Mar 8, 2007

What do you mean by childhood? Do you mean not having to worry about things, everything being black and white, just simple and easy to understand? The security of believing that your parents can protect you from everything?

I'm sorry you haven't experienced that. I think it's a good thing to experience, but not everyone gets to. I believe it is too late for you to go back. You are growing up and about to become an adult, and it sounds like the journey you have to make is shorter than that of those who have had a comforting childhood. That is, as you probably have noticed, both a good thing and a bad thing. I suggest you concentrate on the positive side.

The positive side is that you know life isn't easy, you know that growing up doesn't suddenly make you a fountain of wisdom, and you know that making mistakes is part of life. Now, you only need to realize that these apply to you as well. As a child having to deal with adult affairs, you have probably felt responsible for some things, and you expect quite a lot of yourself. It's time to set reasonable expectations for yourself, and not demand perfection.

No matter what childhood you have had, while it will affect you in some ways, it is a thing of the past. Focus on the now and leave what you cannot change behind. And always remember that we have the right to call out to our heavenly Father. Prayer and reading the Bible is always a good idea.

Mobiosity · Mar 8, 2007

My own childhood was far from ideal but at 50 I look back and accept that I'm really angry at what happened; that my parents are dead (I've gone to the cemetary and yelled at their grave (they're buried on top of each other) and decided it's never too late to have a happy childhood. So I'm having one now. I have no kids, so I do pretty much what I want, when I want. I accept that I'll have to take medication the rest of my life in order not to let my past ruin my present.

If things in your life are more stable now, enjoy being an older kid, if they're not, know that God is with you and as an adult you'll be much better off. I think anyone who says that childhood is the best years of your life forgot what childhood is like (small, dependent, weak).

BelindaP · Mar 8, 2007

I used to mourn my lack of childhood just as you are. I like mobiosity's idea of living it as an adult. Unfortunately, I have always taken on responsibilities where I can't do it.

However, I'm finding that I can live it a bit through my children. Providing them with a childhood is helping me to make up for the lack of one that I had as a child.

Try Mobiosity's idea for a while. You're only 16, so you still have a chance to do some of the small things. For example, I've always kept a slinky and Play Doh. When things were really bad, I would get them out and play with them.

Now, when my kids are raised, I fully intend to have a second childhood. That will be fun.

Johnnz · Mar 9, 2007

If we get our past sorted our reasonably well then we can relive childhood through our own children, giving them what we never had. That can be a wonderfully healing and fulfilling experience. But, get sorted first, otherwise you may just end up repeating your own.

John
NZ

RosemaryChildAtHeart · Mar 9, 2007

I dunno if Im helping much, but a thing to remember is that we are all children of God and its no shame to be a kid at heart.
sure, we have responsibilities and things like that but in the bible it says theres a time for everything: a time to laugh, cry, be serious etc.
Im 18 and I still indulge myself in Disney classics (I adore them!) and I feel like a kid again!
Mabey something you've watched or done when u were little can help you relive it a bit, but just a bit where u can get back to reality.

Dont worry, many adults still watch cartoons in their pjs with cereal on Saturday mournings!

artjack · Mar 10, 2007

loads of people fear getting older at your age, that is just your wisdom, you can get involved with past times like sports, there are so many, bowling is great and maybe the best for someone to start enjoying sport. get involved with art groups that interest you. create art perhalps.

Mling · Mar 10, 2007

Do something for you. Solely and entirely for you. Artjack mentioned a sport--that's good. Or music, or art, or learning another language, or joining a club or whatever.

Find something that makes you happy, and is entirely about making yourself happy, and make sure you set time aside every week or every day to do it. If it stops making you happy, find something else, and don't worry about whether giving it up would disapoint anybody or be a failure. The purpose is just to do something you enjoy. I would suggest something active, but maybe even setting aside nap time or movie night, if you're not much of an active person or if what you really need is a break. (Personally, I'm not all that active, but I've found that archery relaxes me, despite being physical.)

If you feel guilty about taking time for yourself, consider this: in order to be useful and helpful to other people, you first need to be a centered and healthy person yourself (that includes emotionally and mentally healthy). If you cannot edify even yourself, you cannot edify somebody else. If you cannot care for you own health and wellbeing, you cannot care for somebody else's. At least, not for long.

heymikey80 · Mar 17, 2007

Hm. Some ideas.

Kids are great with frivolity, happy dependence, and being nieve. Most adults can get back some of that by simply taking a break from the normal span of responsibilities.

For me it's pretty simple. I bike. It's always been fun for me.

I also love amusement parks, roller coasters, bumper cars.

I'm a youth worker, too. Yes, there's responsibility involved, but I'm also called on to participate in many of the activities the kids are in.

It's a few things to think about. Some other things my parents might think of ... I was in a dance class when I was very young. I explored swamps and forests and walked down dusty roads. I walked many, many places. Creeks were a favorite. I visited the local grocery store often, even when I didn't have money. I had a hobby -- one that was "serious", one that wasn't. Nothing much was to a purpose -- it wasn't preparation for college, or preparation for a career. It was living for life's sake.

And I'd suggest doing what you can for living at any age.

skunkfeather · Mar 17, 2007

There is a series of books you may be interested in. David Pelzer wrote them.

It starts BAD - he was the 3rd worst abuse case in the state of California (if I remember correctly) and the ONLY survivor of the three instances.

His books are a testimony to what a person can go through, accomplish, succeed at and become in life.

He is an inspiration to so many - and believe me, he had NO childhood whatsoever.

Mling · Mar 17, 2007

Yup, California. A Child Called "It", The Lost Boy, and A Man Named Dave. The first one is him at The House (living with his mother). The second one is from the time he was put in foster care up 'till 18, and the third is his adult life.

BelindaP · Mar 17, 2007

The books are great. But, by way of warning, they can be somewhat triggering, especially the first book.

BigToe · Mar 17, 2007

I think doing things you enjoy, for yourself is a good start. And it is something you can do for the rest of your life when you need to. Don't limit yourself to enjoying life during a childhood alone. You deserve a full life in all its stages.

Does anyone know how to have a childhood?

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