Do most single Christian guys fail at being men?

SeraphimsCherub · Jul 1, 2012

TX_CO_Matt said:
What do you say about all the Gay Christians who do pray and don't change? Are you sure she likes guys, the "ex-gay" movements claim they no longer struggle with same sex attraction, but if you get them in a private and SAFE conversation, they'll tell you they didn't really ever stop being gay or lesbian. You say Jesus love gays, which is true, but you seem to not. I don't know of many Christians who actually know someone who is really gay and would blame gays for world problems.

I believe if there truly born again. GOD "WILL" HEAL them is due time. By the SUPER NATURAL POWER of "HIS WILL" BY the ALMIGHTY POWER of HIS HOLY SPIRIT living in them.

K9_Trainer · Jul 1, 2012

Ya'll are gonna get this topic closed if this discussion keeps up. That wouldn't be very fair to the OP...

blackjellybean · Jul 1, 2012

K9_Trainer said:
Ya'll are gonna get this topic closed if this discussion keeps up. That wouldn't be very fair to the OP...

I think this thread has run its course now anyway.

BlueJay83 · Jul 1, 2012

i think she hit the nail on the head.
As i've found recently...

Girls want a bad boy that will be good for them...
guys want a good girl that will be bad for them.

it's about leadership..
not "leadership" in the church.... being a leader in LIFE and everything you do.
That's not Alpha male syndrome either... it's courage to BE a leader and take initiative in every area in life.

personally.. I don't want a churchy girl either.

I want a real Christian woman making a real difference in the real world..... not being in a cheesy play waving a flag.

toastface_grillah · Jul 2, 2012

Fonzie jumps the shark - YouTube

explodingboy · Jul 2, 2012

SeraphimsCherub said:
I believe if there truly born again. GOD "WILL" HEAL them is due time. By the SUPER NATURAL POWER of "HIS WILL" BY the ALMIGHTY POWER of HIS HOLY SPIRIT living in them.

... okay, the sporadic caps are annoying but I can overlook that it's to be expeted..

but I really don't think you understand the point of "-" on the internet.. why is "his will" sarcastic... it defeats your own sentence.

brohammer26 · Jul 2, 2012

I think this post rings partially true not just for christian males...but the majority of males all together. I agree with others who have spoken about social conditioning and how men are raised up to be respectful little doodly do rights. It is difficult as a male to try to find that line of being Alpha and being kind. How do you create an edge to yourself without being an a**hole? How can you be a bad boy as a christian? I think it is possible to be alpha and kind and christian...but a rather difficult balance I would say.

Niels · Jul 2, 2012

brohammer26 said:
I think this post rings partially true not just for christian males...but the majority of males all together. I agree with others who have spoken about social conditioning and how men are raised up to be respectful little doodly do rights. It is difficult as a male to try to find that line of being Alpha and being kind. How do you create an edge to yourself without being an a**hole? How can you be a bad boy as a christian? I think it is possible to be alpha and kind and christian...but a rather difficult balance I would say.

What you've said here reminds me of this song.
Depeche Mode - Get The Balance Right - YouTube

But really, I don't think it's necessary for a Christian man to strike the kind of balance you're talking about. At least not when it comes to finding a wife. In my experience, the "doodly do rights" are usually the first to tie the knot, the first to start families etc. I've never known a bad boy to settle down early. Have a bunch of children out of wedlock with multiple women, sure, but not pursue the kind of lifestyle that most Christians strive for. Other than that, the most surefire way to get ahead in life is to become good at whatever it is that you do. If you want to be thought of as more "Alpha," then do what it takes to land a good job or otherwise get ahead in your field. It's possible to do that with one's integrity intact.

I sometimes wonder if I'm not nice enough or naughty enough, but it still comes down to compatibility. Tipping the balance one way or the other can increase one's appeal to the wrong woman, but it won't make you right for each other.

SeraphimsCherub · Jul 2, 2012

explodingboy said:
... okay, the sporadic caps are annoying but I can overlook that it's to be expeted..

but I really don't think you understand the point of "-" on the internet.. why is "his will" sarcastic... it defeats your own sentence.

Why raise yesterday from the dead?

paul becke · Jul 17, 2012

brohammer26 said:
I think this post rings partially true not just for christian males...but the majority of males all together. I agree with others who have spoken about social conditioning and how men are raised up to be respectful little doodly do rights. It is difficult as a male to try to find that line of being Alpha and being kind. How do you create an edge to yourself without being an a**hole? How can you be a bad boy as a christian? I think it is possible to be alpha and kind and christian...but a rather difficult balance I would say.

I wouldn't know about the Alpha Male thing, but if you are true to yourself, and 'your own man', you'll have some kind of edge that some girls will find attractive.

thekwizzitiveone · Jul 17, 2012

blackjellybean said:
If you're a gal and you generally agree with the post, what specifically do you think needs to change about Christian men?

Originally Posted by Anonymous
I was looking for someone who would pursue me and was serious about marriage, having a family, getting 'settled' down, plus those things above. Christian boys are wusses, total wimps.
Emphasis on youth-leader like charismatic personality instead of character. I DESPISE the typical youth-leader personality...

I've always known he meant "this isn't where I date you and break up with you. You can decide to say no to me, but I'm not playing with you." It was just... honorable and strong. And yes, I liked the gutsiness of pursuing me even though there was competition.

I found a boy with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (dang, that's a hot trait), and self-control. He is kind, and sometimes, he scares me. No, not fear. Respect. Like when I gossip about other people and he calls me out on it, tells me he doesn't want to hear it. I feel pretty stupid then, and it wasn't 'nice' of him. But wow, did I love it and respect it.

Also, I got sick of the Christian boys being so focused on their church bands and church youth groups (yay, let's isolate youngin's from wise adults. Good one! That's a stupid thing the church is doing, btw) and church mission trips and church baking and .... gah. Get out into the real world, people, where there are real things to spend time on, where people live in small apartments with out toys and food and furniture, no access to health care (don't worry, obamacare is a bad idea, I know!) and bad schools. Seriously. You know, in your own country, in your own city. Don't think you have to go overseas for a fun little vacation to get that.

The girl in this letter reminds me of a friend of mine. She has a lot of Christian guy friends and they were all really good friends with her, she thought. She'd develop crushes on them and there would seem like there was a good chance... and then they'd start dating some other "sweeter," "friendlier," "cuter," Christian girl... The type of girls that many of us girls would call "Fake."
She became bitter toward Christian guys.
So... she started taking a guy friend to church with her. It was his idea to go, she didn't push him into it. And he has since become a professed Believer and they are now dating... I don't know if they started dating before or after he became a believer.
I hope it works out for them.

I'd like to know if the girl who wrote this letter gave up on Christianity all together? I do agree with the last thing she wrote about being a missionary where you're at... the church I'm a part of right now is really focused on the community around us. I like that. They went to Japan after the tsunamis, but they also help those in need around our community.

redblue22 · Jul 17, 2012

I had enough of this crap in college. So, I did a "survey." I went to the guys dorm with a single question. What makes you feel loved? Then I did the same with the girls dorm. What makes you feel loved?

Then I "accidentally" lost the lists. I put the girls survey on the main table in the guy's dorm. I put the guys survey in the girl's dorm. Then I sat back and watched.

toastface_grillah · Jul 17, 2012

thekwizzitiveone said:
I'd like to know if the girl who wrote this letter gave up on Christianity all together? I do agree with the last thing she wrote about being a missionary where you're at... the church I'm a part of right now is really focused on the community around us. I like that. They went to Japan after the tsunamis, but they also help those in need around our community.

I didn't get the impression that she did... just that she'd given up on holding out for a Christian guy.

redblue22 said:
I had enough of this crap in college. So, I did a "survey." I went to the guys dorm with a single question. What makes you feel loved? Then I did the same with the girls dorm. What makes you feel loved?

Then I "accidentally" lost the lists. I put the girls survey on the main table in the guy's dorm. I put the guys survey in the girl's dorm. Then I sat back and watched.

Did the two genders finally "get it?"

Amber.ly · Jul 18, 2012

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I spent my life in church, mission trips, christian housing in college, more mission trips, volunteering with christians, working in christian ministries.

I was looking for someone who would pursue me and was serious about marriage, having a family, getting 'settled' down, plus those things above. Christian boys are wusses, total wimps. I had guys who would talk with me, act like 'just friends', then when I started dating someone, they acted all hurt and jealous, but how was I ever supposed to know they even liked me? They were 'just friends' and acted it. Then the boys I dated. One never smiled, was totally an over-analyzer of himself. Another was a total fake. The third was jealous and got mad at me for even watching people walk by, because some of them were boys. Gah. These were nice, upstanding young men, mind you.

Here is the other thing. Shallowness and stupid theology. You know the kind. "I FEEL this, clearly my feelings are the leading of the Holy Spirit!" Taking verses out of context. Emphasis on youth-leader like charismatic personality instead of character. I DESPISE the typical youth-leader personality... you know, the stereotype that so many American Christian boys try to emulate.

I had a lot of fun with Christian boys. Hiking.... well, there was that group that told me I had a problem with being a woman because I wanted to go hiking. THAT was something else. But others, I had fun with them. But they weren't looking for wives. They wanted a girlfriend.

That's the other thing I get sick of. Being a 'girlfriend' before the boy even knows if he really likes me. You know the boy I have now, he pursued me even though he knew another boy liked me (who I did not like, but anyway), and he knew beforehand that he wanted to marry me. He knew before I even realized he liked me. He told me in the beginning, "I don't want to hurt you," and held to it. I've always known he meant "this isn't where I date you and break up with you. You can decide to say no to me, but I'm not playing with you." It was just... honorable and strong. And yes, I liked the gutsiness of pursuing me even though there was competition. Some girls don't like that, it makes them feel like a prize. But I like that, it makes me feel like the boys are saying, "I really think I'll be best for you, I'd like to give you the honor of deciding for yourself." But it takes guts.

Here is the thing. There is this debate; nice guy or bad boy. Bad boy wins, nice guy finishes last, but christian girls are supposed to want the nice guy, blah blah blah. But the problem is no girl wants either. We want a dangerous and good boy. You know in Lord of the Rings, Gandalf talks about how he is dangerous, but he is good? It's in the second book, anyway, if you didn't. Or Chronicles of Narnia. There is a scene where they talk about Aslan. He is NOT a tame lion, he is scary, but good. The Inklings (Tolkien, Lewis, and the other two in their writing group) really had a strong grasp on the concept of good things can still be deadly and dangerous. I suppose they have to be, to be stronger than evil. God is light, and the strongest light, a laser, think what it does. It'll vaporize you. I suspect pure goodness is the most deadly and dangerous thing of all. And a good fear of that (called respect) is also a good thing. I want a boy like that. Good and dangerous. Not a nice boy with no guts or strength, just always nice and making people happy. And I definitely don't want a seducing bad boy who sees women as sex toys. I want a good boy who's goodness is strong enough to be dangerous to those who would hurt others. That's what I was looking for, and I'm sorry, but it's just not common in the somewhat feelingized, overly-feminine, 'let's consider God our lover' (poor guys.... homosexual deity relationship concept??) American church. It's. Just. Not. There.

I found a boy with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (dang, that's a hot trait), and self-control. He is kind, and sometimes, he scares me. No, not fear. Respect. Like when I gossip about other people and he calls me out on it, tells me he doesn't want to hear it. I feel pretty stupid then, and it wasn't 'nice' of him. But wow, did I love it and respect it.

And... boys are too feminist. Buying into this crap idea that children are burdens. To my boy, marriage is normal and expected, kind of blah in that respect. It's just what happens, not really any question about it. And children, that's the point. And a good joyous point too. Boys just aren't like that these days.

I was on eharmony for a while (and got paired with some boy who took me to his apartment and tried to kiss me on the first date.... that was the end of my eharmony days, as clearly it didn't know how to match me with people. I was NOT the go back and sleep together first date type), and someone told me "You don't realize this cuz you don't see other girls' profiles, but you are a lot less shallow than most of them". So I'm pretty sure I'm not shallow, nor hypocritically religious. And boring? Well, to some I am (and they are to me), and to others we just laugh and laugh and laugh. And boring is about personality, not character. I love that my boy prefers good character of people over exciting personality. I learned that from him.

Also, I got sick of the Christian boys being so focused on their church bands and church youth groups (yay, let's isolate youngin's from wise adults. Good one! That's a stupid thing the church is doing, btw) and church mission trips and church baking and .... gah. Get out into the real world, people, where there are real things to spend time on, where people live in small apartments with out toys and food and furniture, no access to health care (don't worry, obamacare is a bad idea, I know!) and bad schools. Seriously. You know, in your own country, in your own city. Don't think you have to go overseas for a fun little vacation to get that. I've worked in social work where the board of directors was Christian, and not a single employee was. Because those boys have their band ministry. With the cheesy little skits for Sunday's sermon. Wow, that's important stuff there.

Seriously, that stuff makes my head pop.

[/QUOTE]

If I had a blog back when I was 19, this would have been my exact post. And for a 19 year old, its some good stuff, this attitude of seeing past a shallow Christian life and desiring more for yourself and your future spouse. She is seeing many issues that plague the contemporary Church's youth today and she doesn't want it. That is a good thing.

I think if you read this with a teenager in mind, you will be cheering her on. If you read it as her being a later 20's and 30's then the tone is childish and the points are something you knew, accepted and moved past a long time ago. You also can't understand her frustration with her pool of options because *hopefully* no one as an older single is using a church youth group for dating choices

As a whole, I liked it. I agreed with it and I wouldn't hesitate to share it with a youth group as a good discussion starting point.

Entered · Jul 18, 2012

I don't know. The girls post is just so empty. She woke up one day a discovered that it might be difficult to find the person you will spend the rest of your life with. *shocker* *scandal*

I feel like I know more about her than anything about 'christian guys'. It is all blame, accusation, generalization, and frustration. If she wanted to make me care I could have done with a little more introspection.

I know... I know... this is not truth.... stop taking it seriously.

As a complete aside, can people who know nothing about feminism stop using it in their arguments/rants. What does it even mean to be too feminist? This is a huge pet peeve of mine...

Blank123 · Jul 18, 2012

Because, if the internet has taught us anything, nice guys are hopeless, women who ask men out are morally challenged, and feminsm is pure evil.

anewday · Jul 19, 2012

little_tigress said:
Because, if the internet has taught us anything, nice guys are hopeless, women who ask men out are morally challenged, and feminsm is pure evil.

But there are examples of the above in the Bible that disproves them...there are plenty of nice but sinful guys in the Bible (no one is perfect), several women took initiative when it came to men (Ruth for example), and....there was a thread on feminism recently, but no, its not evil, many women in the Bible displayed feministic characteristics (and I'm using the term loosely, since that thread on feminism showed how extreme/middle/different views can be on this).

Do most Christian guys fail at being men? Many do, but the same can be said for Christian women. I personally think and feel that many Christians fail at being Christians. Jesus taught and displayed certain behaviors that I've seen in very few Christians at this point in my life. Honestly, its left me pretty jaded. I no longer seek Christian men. By that I mean I don't go looking for men in church. If I happen to meet and get to know a man who displays certain outstanding characteristics and he happens to be a Christian, then great. If he's not a Christian, that is fine as well. I've seen/heard many stories firsthand where one was a Christian and the other was not, and down the line they became a Christian. But I digress...I can definitely relate to the OP's frustration though.

BRISH · Jul 19, 2012

Miles said:
That said, if one insists on blaming men, then I'll throw it right back to them. Why should a man act like a "real man" if there aren't any "real women" for him to pursue? But seriously, the notion that a member of the other gender isn't being a real member of their respective sex is ridiculous. If more folks cared enough to learn who they really are, to know what they need rather than simply what they want, then this wouldn't be as much of an issue. It all boils down to compatibility, regardless of gender.

^

darktipper · Jul 19, 2012

Moral of the story nice men/women finish last lol. Even this woman who goes on this rant.
Also she sounds borderline crazy to me.... It also sounds like she got rejected and is just angry about it. Where she is failing at is going after the man she wants...... I don't understand why some women don't chase after the guy they want but hope the man of their dreams to "pop up" out of thin air lol.

redblue22 · Jul 19, 2012

I've never heard of anyone in real life talking about being a "real man." is there some publishing house pushing this or something?

Do most single Christian guys fail at being men?

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