Divorce

rambler · Aug 7, 2004

Hi All,

I have a question about Matthew 9:32:

But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality[5:32 Or [fornication] ] causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

- I'm single (never married), and in my 40's. It seems the majority of single women in my age group have been previously married. So, are we to rule such women out as potential mates?

Would appreciated some perspectives on this subject. thanks much everyone -

rambler

waterbear · Aug 7, 2004

http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=8582390#post8582390

Hope that helps.

(Posts #53 & #51)

TriptychR · Aug 7, 2004

That certainly would eliminate a great deal of people in the higher age groups... Is the divorce rate still hovering around 50%?

fishstix · Aug 8, 2004

I think it depends on why she got divorced in the first place. If it was because her husband had an affair, then there is no problem with you considering her as a potential mate. But if it was because of something like them just "falling out of love" or whatever then it probably wouldn't be a good idea to consider her as a potential mate. Even just using logic - if she fell out of love with her first husband then it's very possible that after a while she will also fall out of love with her second husband (potentially you).

Out of the Flames · Aug 8, 2004

fishstix said:
I think it depends on why she got divorced in the first place. If it was because her husband had an affair, then there is no problem with you considering her as a potential mate. But if it was because of something like them just "falling out of love" or whatever then it probably wouldn't be a good idea to consider her as a potential mate. Even just using logic - if she fell out of love with her first husband then it's very possible that after a while she will also fall out of love with her second husband (potentially you).

Hey you! Long time, no see! I've missed you.

Anyhoo. Yeah. It never ceases to amaze me that there are so many women (and men) who honestly believe that because it's them and the love is so real, that they won't fall prey to the same fate as their SO's previous relationship. Or that "they cheated with me, so they wouldn't dare cheat on me." Sorry kids. It does happen. That's not to say that the person can't change, but it doesn't happen overnight either.

Rambler, you should spend a lot of time praying about this. You're going to get a very different answer from a lot of people. My ex is divorcing me for whatever his reasons, and I don't feel like I'm in the wrong for being divorced and choosing to move on with my life. Some here would say that I have no business marrying again because I'd be an adulterer, but my heart is right with God and I really couldn't care less about those individual's judgements. As long as you and your potential mate are right with God, you don't need to pay attention to anyone else's opinions.

harmmony · Aug 8, 2004

This is obviously just my opinion, but I wouldn't automatically exclude someone because they have been divorced, you have to take each person as an individual and consider the individiual circumstances of their divorce (they may not even have been a Christian when it happened). My belief is that if a person has make a mistake in their past and for whatever reason they are now divorced, but have sought God's forgiveness for what happened and they are living their lives now in a way that would please God, then I wouldn't have a problem considering them as a potential spouse.

We've all done things in our past that we not proud of and God has forgiven us for them and put them behind us. I don't believe that a person should live the rest of their lives without any possibility of love and marriage, or maybe even children if they had none in their previous marriage, because they made mistakes in their past which led to a divorce. I, personally think it's a little judgemental and not very loving to dismiss divorced people out of hand as potential spouses. You never know who God has in store for you and you might miss out on that special person if you automatically exclude anybody.

Donny_B · Aug 8, 2004

Scripturally, divorce and remarriage were permitted by Moses in Deut 24:1-4, but the practice was abused. Many believe this abuse of the law is what Christ was addressing in the gospel accounts particularly among the Pharisees and Jews of the time, while not abolishing divorce in every circumstance. Other passages addressing divorce and remarriage include I Corinthians 7. Many believe these passages show that divorce is lawful due to adultery and desertion, while not ruling out other causes such as physical abuse.

I believe it depends on the particular circumstance and whether or not he or she is clearly the innocent party of the divorce. In many cases, things are not so "black and white", but there is a lot of gray area.

rambler · Aug 8, 2004

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for sharing your perspectives. My gut feel is that divorce is justified in cases of infidelity or physical abuse. I could never hit a woman and I don't think women should hit men either; there is no excuse for it and no one should be expected to tolerate such degrading treatment. BUt I guess in either case, one would have to examine the original choice this person made: did they choose someone who had always exhibited good character.. or someone who demonstrated bad character, and chose them nevertheless. In my mind, choosing a person who had demonstrated poor character could indicate a character flaw on the part of the chooser which needs to be examined.

The other difficult case is the one where the spouses divorced because of incompatibility. Is this justifiable? I mean, what if you grow up and you find that you just aren't very attracted to each other.. or say your spouse no longer finds you attractive and does not treat you affectionately despite your honest and best efforts to be a decent and loving spouse? Is a person justified in leaving such a relationship?

Thanks in advance to anyone who will share their views on this. I'm really praying hard on getting my heart together and trying to be a loving person, because at this point in my life, I really want to be with someone, and the inner struggle is to be capable of giving, and of being a worthy and loving spouse. I think this is a huge challenge, but I'm also firmly convinced that God has someone for me, even at this fairly late stage of life, if I keep myself in prayer and honor his word.

thanks - Rambler

fishstix · Aug 9, 2004

rambler said:
The other difficult case is the one where the spouses divorced because of incompatibility. Is this justifiable? I mean, what if you grow up and you find that you just aren't very attracted to each other.. or say your spouse no longer finds you attractive and does not treat you affectionately despite your honest and best efforts to be a decent and loving spouse? Is a person justified in leaving such a relationship?

Isn't that pretty much the same as the "falling out of love" scenario?

Personally, I think that the marriage vows "for better or for worse, till death do you part" would apply in this situation. Sure, it wouldn't be an easy thing to deal with that sort of thing, but committment is committment - when it's hard as well as when it's easy.

oldrooster · Aug 9, 2004

fishstix said:
Isn't that pretty much the same as the "falling out of love" scenario?

Personally, I think that the marriage vows "for better or for worse, till death do you part" would apply in this situation. Sure, it wouldn't be an easy thing to deal with that sort of thing, but committment is committment - when it's hard as well as when it's easy.

You will never understand infidelity until you have been through it....abuse usually escalates until someone is killed.....they are both good reasons to dump a useless spouse......

fishstix · Aug 9, 2004

oldrooster said:
You will never understand infidelity until you have been through it....abuse usually escalates until someone is killed.....they are both good reasons to dump a useless spouse......

I was talking about incompatibility and one or both spouses no longer feeling attracted to the other, not infidelity or abuse. I agree that infidelity and abuse are good reasons for a divorce (as does the Bible). But incompatibility, falling out of love, losing that initial spark, or no longer feeling attracted are things that I think people need to work through, even if it is difficult. After all, marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, not just something to drop when one hits a rough spot.

desi · Aug 9, 2004

rambler said:
Hi All,

I have a question about Matthew 9:32:

But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality[5:32 Or [fornication] ] causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

- I'm single (never married), and in my 40's. It seems the majority of single women in my age group have been previously married. So, are we to rule such women out as potential mates?

rambler

All the divorced ones should be ruled out as to be divorced Biblically they had to cheat on their husbands, as divorce for other reasons is not Biblically acceptable... Boo hiss....

charligirl · Aug 9, 2004

I posted this elsewhere but it is relevant here too. I have somewhat different views to many on marriage and remarriage. My husband was married before me, but was not saved when his first wife divorced him. Jesus' comments on the subject were actually directed at believers, if you become a christian AFTER divorce then when you are saved you are forgiven all your sins and become a new creation.

When I was looking into this I came across this teaching.. It refers in particular to 1 Cor 7 where Paul talks about marriage, divorce and remarriage.. which I have posted inthe past perhaps it will be helpful.

Paul uses the imperative verb in the Greek for v 1-2 which states that 'each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband'.. the imperative verb is best rendered 'let each man have his own wife', a general principle, NOT a binding moral command otherwise we would have to argue that we should ALL be married.. obviously that is not the case!

By the same token then we have to relook at verses 1 Cor 7 v 12-15 where Paul also uses the imperative form, which does not suggest the command of 'must not divorce' rather the counsel and guideline of 'let him not divorce'. It is a rule which we should make every effort to comply - but it does not say there are never exceptions.

In verses 27-28 the translation on the original Greek for the term 'unmarried' in verse 27 it literally means "released from a wife" rather than "never been married" and uses the identical root verb employed in the expression the NIV renders "seek a divorce" in the previous sentance.

The NEB has a more accurate translation, "are you bound in marrige? do not seek a dissolution. Has your marriage been dissolved? Do not seek a wife" This is critical because it means the next sentance is speaking to divorcees - and it says 'but if you do marry you are not sinning'

The book is called 'Should i get married?' by M Blaine Smith so if you want to look into it further then it's worth a read.

fishstix · Aug 10, 2004

desi said:
All the divorced ones should be ruled out as to be divorced Biblically they had to cheat on their husbands, as divorce for other reasons is not Biblically acceptable... Boo hiss....

Or perhaps their husband cheated on them. That would be a Biblically acceptable reason for them to be divorced. And it is the person who was cheated on who can acceptably choose to get a divorce, not the other way around.

Why boo the Bible?

oldrooster · Aug 10, 2004

desi said:
All the divorced ones should be ruled out as to be divorced Biblically they had to cheat on their husbands, as divorce for other reasons is not Biblically acceptable... Boo hiss....

Really only if you are a Jew......

bkg · Aug 10, 2004

fishstix said:
Or perhaps their husband cheated on them. That would be a Biblically acceptable reason for them to be divorced. And it is the person who was cheated on who can acceptably choose to get a divorce, not the other way around.

Why boo the Bible?

I don't think Desi is "booing" the Bible at all. I think the comment was aimed at imitating how people are going to respond to his post. With booing and hissing.

Desi is right.

desi · Aug 11, 2004

oldrooster said:
Really only if you are a Jew......

You Jews must read from different Bibles than the rest of us. Mine says a guy can divorce his wife if she is guilty of fornication, no mention of her divorcing him...

pylgrym1 · Aug 14, 2004

...and remarriage closes the door on reconciliation, no matter WHO you remarry. I was filed upon; my wife acted like an unbeliever. I still wear the ring she gave me and pray I Cor. 7:11 , that she will be reconciled to me. I promised God and everybody I'd love this woman as Christ loved the church. There's only one church: Jesus' body. Tho' my wife has departed, thanks in part to evil state divorce laws, yet I will love her 'til I die. The only way I could be 'loosed from the law' of marriage would be by DEATH.

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