Divorce and Remarriage (A Different Perspective):

Christopher0121 · Jan 12, 2012

I'm beginning to study another interpretation of the divorce/remarriage texts. Prevailing interpretations are as follows:

- Divorce and remarriage is only permissible in the event of infedelity during courtship. If a couple divorces after being married on any grounds they are forbidden to remarry.

- Divorce and remarriage is only permissible if a spouse is found to have been "sexually immoral" (adultery).

Some have an interesting take on this subject that I don't hear much about. Let's begin in Malachi:

Malachi 2:14-16
{2:14} Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath
been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth,
against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy
companion, and the wife of thy covenant. {2:15} And did
not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And
wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore
take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously
against the wife of his youth. {2:16} For the LORD, the
God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one]
covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of
hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not
treacherously.

However, some theologians believe God was addressing the practice of "putting away" a wife without the "get" (writ of divorcement). In Jewish Law dating back before Christ, a man could essentially order his wife out of his house or leave her without giving her the writ of divorcement. You see, divorce had to be initiated by the husband. So if he withheld the get from his wife she remained in bondage to the marriage (Hb. Agunah, "chained woman"). By doing this the husband avoided having to pay back the dowery and kept his now "put away" wife in a position wherein she was forbidden to remarry. Even to this day in Judaism some men will do this to their wives as a form of retaliation or abuse. They also commonly demand exhorbant amounts of money (extortion) or custody rights for the writ of divorcement. Until the woman was given the writ of divorcement she couldn't remarry. If she did, she committed adultery. And any man marrying her committed adultery (sound familiar?).

Luke 16:14-18
{16:14} And the Pharisees also, who were covetous, heard all these things: and they derided him. {16:15} And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God. {16:16} The law and the prophets [were] until John: since that time the kingdom of God is preached, and every man presseth into it. {16:17} And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail. {16:18} Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery.

*Please note. In Judaism polygamy wasn't always considered a sin according to the Law of Moses. Therefore it was commonly reasoned that the husband may freely remarry again; even if he "put away" his wife without a writ of divorcement. According to the Jewish custom only the woman was forbidden to remarry if the writ of divorcement was withheld from her; and any other man who married her committed adultery. Here, if this interpretation is true, Jesus appears to hold the man accountable should he remarry prior to a proper divorce containing the writ of divorcement. No doubt this would have enraged the Pharisees. Because they are noted as having done this quite often.

If this is true, God may not "hate divorce" as much as people think. In fact, we might argue that God hates "abuse" and "hardheartedness" against one's spouse. If a marriage is abusive, or spouses are unfaithful, God may indeed favor and bless a divorce on behalf of the abused and or defrauded. Of course... this is a more "Jewish" interpretation of the subject that focuses on justice and equity under the Law of Moses. The point is... if you're going to divorce your spouse... do so with an official divorce. Don't keep them in bondage to an abusive marriage. A man has no right to keep his wife in bondage to the marriage for monetary gain or abusive control.

Researching the plight of the Agunah might bring additional insight to the subject regardless of what interpretation you ultimately choose to believe in.

WinBySurrender · Jan 12, 2012

I think God makes it very clear in the Bible He hates divorce. But as with all things God hates, He also forgives.

dayhiker · Jan 12, 2012

Aquila,
Good points. I've read them before and I think its a valid point. The interpretation I studied in in my 20's seem to have a contradiction in them, but mostly didn't seem like how Jesus treated me to me. So I ignored the subject for over 30 years. When I came across the points you made and some others, I felt I'd finally come to an understanding of what Jesus would say.

josephearl · Jan 14, 2012

As one who has taken a vow to never marry a divorced woman and been abused by numerous people, especially some of the sisters, over this issue I still say that one should not marry the divorced. The world has a habit of holding Christians to a higher degree of accountability then we do ourselves and are quick to highlight what they perceive as hypocrisy. In this sense I am reminded of Pauls words when he said he would never eat meat again if it caused a brother to stumble. It also eliminates, somewhat, women who are married to men they do not look upon in the same favorable light as you perhaps, from being tempted to divorce their present husband in order to make a play for you.
I will say though that if I was going to marry a divorced woman I would just check out the nicest married ones in the church and seduce the one I wanted. For the most part it would be rather easy as satan will be sure to give you all his help. And perhaps that is the best reason of all, if the fact that God hates divorce is not enough motive for you, to forego marrying the divorced and endure the suffering in this present evil age.
To destroy a marriage and childrens family is an abominable thing and I would rather drop dead then do it.
love ya, love the divorced(we all make mistakes) but will not marry one.

ptomwebster · Jan 14, 2012

It's to bad you don't have a God that forgives sin.

1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Daniel411 · Jan 16, 2012

So my question is, is there a difference in a Sanctified marraige and a legal one. I mean If you get married legal in a church but under the premis as a tradition not really understanding sanctification, then you find Christ, is this than a sanctified marriage?
or do you need to ask God to bless this marriage?

dayhiker · Jan 16, 2012

Its always good to ask God to bless ones marriage.

Marriage has been defined in a number of ways thru history. I think God honors all who come together to love and respect each other and raise their kids.

99percentatheism · Jan 16, 2012

WinBySurrender said:
I think God makes it very clear in the Bible He hates divorce. But as with all things God hates, He also forgives.

Forgives what?

A sin cast as far as the east is from the west is a mighty hard thing to see.

But there is consequence of sins that are sometimes always before us.

Christopher0121 · Jan 17, 2012

josephearl said:
As one who has taken a vow to never marry a divorced woman and been abused by numerous people, especially some of the sisters, over this issue I still say that one should not marry the divorced.

I can respect your feelings that perhaps you shouldn’t marry anyone who is divorced. However, to say that you feel others shouldn’t is a bit concerning. Why would you place such a yoke on others? I mean, many divorced people are wonderful godly men and women who had spouses who chose to end the marriage in spite of all efforts and protests to make the marriage work. Do you believe that Christians that do marry divorced individuals are in “sin” or are second class citizens in the Kingdom of God?

The world has a habit of holding Christians to a higher degree of accountability then we do ourselves and are quick to highlight what they perceive as hypocrisy. In this sense I am reminded of Pauls words when he said he would never eat meat again if it caused a brother to stumble.

But in context, Paul wasn’t talking about divorce, he was talking about a clash in personal traditions or customs. Besides, we are not to live our lives trying to “please the world” or make the church more “appealing to the world”. Paul’s custom of not offending was aimed at “brethren”… not the world.

It also eliminates, somewhat, women who are married to men they do not look upon in the same favorable light as you perhaps, from being tempted to divorce their present husband in order to make a play for you.

Such a woman has deeper problems than one’s willingness to marry the divorced. Any Christian man, even one who believes they are free to marry the divorced, would reject such a woman on moral and ethical grounds.

I will say though that if I was going to marry a divorced woman I would just check out the nicest married ones in the church and seduce the one I wanted. For the most part it would be rather easy as satan will be sure to give you all his help.

Don’t you think that logic is a bit twisted??? How could such twisted logic justify a supposedly “moral” position against marrying the divorced??? Would that not be like saying that since one doesn’t believe that the divorced should remarry that they should be willing to fornicate on occasion if need be? I find your statements very problematic.

And perhaps that is the best reason of all, if the fact that God hates divorce is not enough motive for you, to forego marrying the divorced and endure the suffering in this present evil age.

But that’s the crux of the matter. We say that God “hates divorce”. Rabbis have examined the text in the original language in light of the current customs and concluded that God was talking about “putting away” without a “get” (writ of divorcement).

I also find it interesting that many say that God hates divorce… often in response to a question offered by one defrauded or abused. Does not God hate defrauding and abuse more than divorce? Or would God be more willing to see a woman beaten repeatedly before ever sanctioning a divorce?

To destroy a marriage and childrens family is an abominable thing and I would rather drop dead then do it.

I think that in a perfect world we’d all agree. However, I’ve seen parents abuse and neglect one another, turning the home into a hell on earth. I find that more abominable than two parents choosing to divorce and support their children in more peaceful circumstances.

love ya, love the divorced(we all make mistakes) but will not marry one.

I can respect your choice.

Christopher0121 · Jan 17, 2012

There is an interesting article on this perspective if one Googles: "Agunot: Chained Women".

Precisely · Jan 17, 2012

To say that God doesn't hate divorce is ridiculous. Yes, God hates divorce even when there is a "written" document. I'm sorry, that's the truth. "Putting away" is divorce, nowhere in scripture does it specify "paper or not." Luke 16:18 states BOTH the Man and the Woman would be adulterers if they remarried after getting a divorce outside of the valid excuse. I don't care about what tradition says, it's usually wrong. I don't care about what some rabbi says, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the word of God. If God says it's adultery, it's adultery. Luke 16 is in the NEW TESTAMENT. Obviously Jesus knew future Christians will be taking notes from this.

God hates divorce. Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of the inseparable union between God and His bride (the church). God doesn't and will never divorce us, so we in our reflection should never divorce. Not to mention the spiritual tragedy that comes with having children before the divorce. I am a son of divorced parents, and I know first hand what happens to the children.

It is a tough subject, because the question is "Can God forgive it?" I believe He can. However, I also believe a divorced adulterer will have a thorn in the flesh for the rest of their life, despite being personally forgiven by God.

dayhiker · Jan 18, 2012

That was a very interesting article about the Chained Woman in orthodox Judaism. The verses of the Bible about divorce never made sense to me till I found people who knew the historical context of the words Jesus and Paul spoke. It makes sense that since the Orthodox Jews are still living by the laws of the OT just as the Jews of Jesus' day that we would find the same situations today as Jesus was addressing.

dollarsbill · Jan 18, 2012

Precisely said:
To say that God doesn't hate divorce is ridiculous. Yes, God hates divorce even when there is a "written" document. I'm sorry, that's the truth. "Putting away" is divorce, nowhere in scripture does it specify "paper or not." Luke 16:18 states BOTH the Man and the Woman would be adulterers if they remarried after getting a divorce outside of the valid excuse.

I suspect that Judgment Day will show that most 'valid excuses' will not be accepted by God.

Luke 16:18
18 Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.

Daniel411 · Jan 18, 2012

Just a thought

31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
32 And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.
33 Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit
Matt 12:31-33 (KJV)

Click to expand...

brightmorningstar · Jan 18, 2012

Daniel411 said:
So my question is, is there a difference in a Sanctified marraige and a legal one. I mean If you get married legal in a church but under the premis as a tradition not really understanding sanctification, then you find Christ, is this than a sanctified marriage?
or do you need to ask God to bless this marriage?

This is a good post.

I would say ultimately its about the heart and mind. God's purpose is one man and one woman in faithful union, break that and its sin.

is this than a sanctified marriage?
or do you need to ask God to bless this marriage

If Christ is the head of the man/woman marriage, then it is sanctified by Christ. If Christ is the head of the marriage then there will be repentance for previous sin.

Daniel411 · Jan 18, 2012

brightmorningstar said:
This is a good post.

I would say ultimately its about the heart and mind. God's purpose is one man and one woman in faithful union, break that and its sin.

If Christ is the head of the man/woman marriage, then it is sanctified by Christ. If Christ is the head of the marriage then there will be repentance for previous sin.

Amen

My question to many is where the sin actually began, With the divorce , or the marriage?

a true believer should understand the Sanctified bond.

are we not to right our wrong?
I see you have eyes to see and ears to hear

God Bless

Christopher0121 · Jan 19, 2012

dayhiker said:
That was a very interesting article about the Chained Woman in orthodox Judaism. The verses of the Bible about divorce never made sense to me till I found people who knew the historical context of the words Jesus and Paul spoke. It makes sense that since the Orthodox Jews are still living by the laws of the OT just as the Jews of Jesus' day that we would find the same situations today as Jesus was addressing.

Amen.

Christopher0121 · Jan 19, 2012

Precisely said:
To say that God doesn't hate divorce is ridiculous.

God may hate divorce. I don’t think anyone with a decent bone in their body truly enjoys divorce. However, I believe that if a woman is being beaten repeatedly by a drunken idiot God is more likely to hate the circumstance she lives in with her children far more than if she divorced him to be safe. Justice and mercy prevail over law. The people involved are of much greater value than the “institution”.

Yes, God hates divorce even when there is a "written" document. I'm sorry, that's the truth. "Putting away" is divorce, nowhere in scripture does it specify "paper or not." Luke 16:18 states BOTH the Man and the Woman would be adulterers if they remarried after getting a divorce outside of the valid excuse. I don't care about what tradition says, it's usually wrong. I don't care about what some rabbi says, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the word of God. If God says it's adultery, it's adultery. Luke 16 is in the NEW TESTAMENT. Obviously Jesus knew future Christians will be taking notes from this.

Let’s look at the text (Matthew 19:3-9):

{19:3} The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him,
and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his
wife for every cause?

You’ll notice that the question is relation to “putting away”. This can also be translated to “send away”. It was very common in ancient Judaism (and is seen even in modern Judaism) for a man to send his wife away without giving her the “get” (writ of divorcement). That is what the Pharisees are talking about. This is improperly translated as “divorce”. It is merely the sending away of a wife. A “separation”. Also please note, it was common in ancient Judaism for a man to “put away” his wife (separate from his wife) and marry another. Why? Because it bound the first wife to him. She couldn’t remarry or she’d be condemned for adultery and any children from such a union would be illegitimate. Also, he’d demand money for the writ of divorcement (extortion). Some men would do this to keep the dowry. It was a greedy and abusive practice against women.

{19:4} And he answered and said
unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at
the beginning made them male and female, {19:5} And
said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and
shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
{19:6} Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put
asunder.

Jesus rebukes the notion of separating from your wife for any cause by illustrating that God’s intention for man and wife is a one flesh relationship that a man shouldn’t attempt to sever.

{19:7} They say unto him, Why did Moses then
command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her
away?

Notice something here. The Pharisees go deeper with their questioning. They ask why did Moses (in the Law of Moses) demand that a man give a “writing of divorcement”, AND to put her away”. Notice that the Pharisees themselves distinguish the giving of the “get” (the official divorce) and the “putting her away” (the sending away). This would imply that their omission of mentioning the “writing of divorcement” in verse 3 indicates that the “put away” they speak of is the mere sending away a wife without the “writing of divorcement”. Their own words here give us contextual clues as to the meaning of their original question. Knowing that this was often the case in ancient Israel, we shouldn’t be surprised that they’d question Jesus about it.

{19:8} He saith unto them, Moses because of the
hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your
wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

Here, Jesus explains that the writing of divorcement was only commanded by Moses because of the hardness of men’s hearts, because they desired to “put away” or “send away” their wives, thereby terminating the relationship.

{19:9} And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it
be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth
adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth
commit adultery.

Here Jesus answers the original question and the answer stands to rebuke any man (including the Pharisees) who might have “put away” his wife without a writ of divorcement. Judaism allowed for men to marry again after merely separating from their wives without providing a divorce decree. However, they would accuse a woman of adultery if she remarried. Christ’s words rebuke such abusive men by saying that “Whosoever shall put away (separate) from his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away (only separated) doth commit adultery.” This makes all things equal. A man who merely casts a woman out of his house and remarries is just as guilty of adultery as she is should she remarry. Jesus is rebuking the abusive custom of the day (and that is also seen today) of making a woman agunah (a chained woman) under the Law.

The implications are clearly that God never intended for spouses to separate or divorce. However, should they separate it is an issue of social justice for the man to provide the “get” or “writ of divorcement”. Only if this is provided shall both parties be permitted to remarry without committing adultery.

Let’s consider this modern case study. A man’s wife leaves him because she wants to “live life”. His pastor advises him not to draw up divorce paperwork in order to encourage reconciliation and to encourage her to file for divorce if she wants it so badly. She decides to string this man along for over six years! She’s very closed with her private life and he suspects she’s had a boyfriend or two, but he has no “proof”. The man has committed no wrong. However, he cannot move on with his life or remarry as long as an official divorce is performed. He’s “bound” “chained” or “enslaved” by his estranged wife. If either of them attempt to remarry they’d be adulterers in God’s sight. His life is a living Hades, a Limbo. This is the kind of abuse Jesus was rebuking. So the man finally accepts the fact that to be free he must file for divorce. And so he does. He cannot prove she’s committed adultery and the divorce is filed under abandonment. After finalization the man may freely remarry without being an adulterer.

God hates divorce. Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of the inseparable union between God and His bride (the church).

Agreed.

God doesn't and will never divorce us, so we in our reflection should never divorce.

Ideally, in a perfect world, you are correct.

Not to mention the spiritual tragedy that comes with having children before the divorce. I am a son of divorced parents, and I know first hand what happens to the children.

I am too. And… I’m a divorcee. Also, I have children. I must admit however, sometimes divorce is far better than remaining in a dangerous and abusive marriage that will only bring irreparable emotional and psychological damage to the children. Sometimes… it’s the lesser of two evils.

It is a tough subject, because the question is "Can God forgive it?" I believe He can. However, I also believe a divorced adulterer will have a thorn in the flesh for the rest of their life, despite being personally forgiven by God.

This is the fuzzy logic. If a second marriage is adultery…the repentant believer would be obligated to end the second marriage to be right with God. Else he’d be living in continual sin. It also makes any children in the second marriage illegitimate in God’s eyes. Lastly, your perspective condemns potentially innocent parties in a divorce to supposedly bearing a “thorn in the flesh” for the rest of their lives.

Your perspective offers no restoration, grace, or peace. It only gives an illusion of standing for the value of marriage, claiming that divorce and remarriage is adultery…but you soft peddle and go backward saying one in a second marriage can be “personally forgiven by God.” You just took the teeth out of your position.

If you truly believe that divorce and remarriage is adultery… you must advocate the termination of unlawful and adulterous second marriages… or you’re condoning sin.

However, my position has no such problems. It simply demands that spouses respect one another and properly divorce allowing one another to be free to be fully restored to God and to remarry as God sees fit to provide a second spouse.

dayhiker · Jan 19, 2012

Aquila ... do you know what the get says? Its interesting how many talk about this but never add or comment on what the get says.

Precisely · Jan 19, 2012

Aquila0121 said:
However, I believe that if a woman is being beaten repeatedly by a drunken idiot God is more likely to hate the circumstance she lives in with her children far more than if she divorced him to be safe.

I disagree. If a woman was in that situation she is to call the police and the father must be judged legally. The woman should be faithful to the man she chose to marry. In doing that, the man will change overtime. God doesn't want divorce whenever there is sin in the marriage, he wants restoration. It's not like its a "one strike and I'm so out of here" kind of relationship. That isn't the heart of God and it never was.

Let’s look at the text (Matthew 19:3-9):

{19:3} The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him,
and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his
wife for every cause?

You’ll notice that the question is relation to “putting away”. This can also be translated to “send away”. It was very common in ancient Judaism (and is seen even in modern Judaism) for a man to send his wife away without giving her the “get” (writ of divorcement).

Okay this logic is very flawed. Why on EARTH would the Pharisees ask Jesus if it was okay to leave a wife without a divorce for every cause? It isn't lawful to leave a wife without a divorce for ANY cause. "Putting away" IS Divorce. It's the same word and it is a part of the same process. You can't put away a wife properly without giving her a bill of divorce:

"And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. " -Jer 3:8

{19:7} They say unto him, Why did Moses then
command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her
away?

Notice something here. The Pharisees go deeper with their questioning. They ask why did Moses (in the Law of Moses) demand that a man give a “writing of divorcement”, AND to put her away”.

The word "and" in scripture does not only refer to two separate ideas or things. It also, depending on the context, refers to two of the same.

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, [and] to keep himself unspotted from the world." -James 1:27

Going by your logic, God is different from the Father, because the presence of "and" is there. However, that isn't the case. "a man give a “writing of divorcement”, and to put her away” means putting a woman away is another aspect of the same process of writing a divorce.

"And" basically means: "Which is also"

This is the fuzzy logic. If a second marriage is adultery…the repentant believer would be obligated to end the second marriage to be right with God.

If you truly believe that divorce and remarriage is adultery… you must advocate the termination of unlawful and adulterous second marriages… or you’re condoning sin.

Divorce is sin too. Why would you sin to get out of sin? Once you marry, you are obligated under God and law to be with that person.

Divorce and Remarriage (A Different Perspective):

Brother In Christ

Well-Known Member

Mature veteran

Friend

Senior Member

Still a Newbie

Mature veteran

Well-Known Member

Brother In Christ

Brother In Christ

Scripture or it didn't happen.

Mature veteran

Well-Known Member

Still a Newbie

brightmorningstar

Guest

Still a Newbie

Brother In Christ

Brother In Christ

Mature veteran

Scripture or it didn't happen.

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency