I think there is a vast difference between accepting someone as they are--with all their flaws, with the hurts they've inflicted upon us, etc....and allowing them free access to our lives.
Personally I think the best way to love the unloveable is to pray for the grace to se them as God sees them--made in His image and likeness....to ask for an abundance of the ability to see the things people do as a result of their personal struggles, hurts, wounds and brokenesses. To readily forgive the faults of others.
However- we do not need to enable them or become co-dependent. Boundaries are not only okay, but good and healthy. There are gent;e, but firm ways to set and enforce boundaries.
I believe with my whole being that faith is ALL about relationship-with God and our neighbor--and a prerequisite for a dynamic relationship is that we grow in whleness and wellness and leanring healthy interdependence, mirroring the love of the Trinity.
So for example--my mom is someone who has wounded me just so, so deeply over a long, long time....I know that she has given all she could give-she loved as much as she was capable of loving (it happens not to be what I needed or well ordered--but it was everything she was capable of)...at this point I can accept that she is how she is--and I work hard on taking responsibility for MY reactions and responses to her. I cannot change her-but I can accept the fact that she is how she is, try to understand that her shortcomings stem from her own deficits of well ordered love in her life...and treat her with dignity and respect. However, I can also keep her on the periphery of my life- telling her very little about my day to day goings on--focusing on talking about her grandkids, really limiting the time I spend with her, and absolutely never letting her be alone with my kids.
To be honest- I had to grieve to ever get to this place...to grieve that I wil never have a "mommy", that I will never have a place where I can go "home" and be taken care of and just find respite for a few days from the demands of my life. But it is posible to get to a healthy place in regards to people who have wounded you.
My mom is just an example in my life---just about every family member as well as many others has just inflicted great, great hurt upon me (and I am sure the same can be said about me to them)....
Personally I think the best way to love the unloveable is to pray for the grace to se them as God sees them--made in His image and likeness....to ask for an abundance of the ability to see the things people do as a result of their personal struggles, hurts, wounds and brokenesses. To readily forgive the faults of others.
However- we do not need to enable them or become co-dependent. Boundaries are not only okay, but good and healthy. There are gent;e, but firm ways to set and enforce boundaries.
I believe with my whole being that faith is ALL about relationship-with God and our neighbor--and a prerequisite for a dynamic relationship is that we grow in whleness and wellness and leanring healthy interdependence, mirroring the love of the Trinity.
So for example--my mom is someone who has wounded me just so, so deeply over a long, long time....I know that she has given all she could give-she loved as much as she was capable of loving (it happens not to be what I needed or well ordered--but it was everything she was capable of)...at this point I can accept that she is how she is--and I work hard on taking responsibility for MY reactions and responses to her. I cannot change her-but I can accept the fact that she is how she is, try to understand that her shortcomings stem from her own deficits of well ordered love in her life...and treat her with dignity and respect. However, I can also keep her on the periphery of my life- telling her very little about my day to day goings on--focusing on talking about her grandkids, really limiting the time I spend with her, and absolutely never letting her be alone with my kids.
To be honest- I had to grieve to ever get to this place...to grieve that I wil never have a "mommy", that I will never have a place where I can go "home" and be taken care of and just find respite for a few days from the demands of my life. But it is posible to get to a healthy place in regards to people who have wounded you.
My mom is just an example in my life---just about every family member as well as many others has just inflicted great, great hurt upon me (and I am sure the same can be said about me to them)....
Upvote
0