discipline

kimber1 · Mar 6, 2003

Just a small request for all you parents out there. I am a babysitter and the one thing I have noticed that is increasing rapidly is the amount of child ruling parent homes. letting your child do whatever they want just to save you from hearing them cry or throw a tantrum makes my job so unbelievably hard!! I pray for patience on a constant basis!!   My children are no where near perfect but they do know how far they can push mom's buttons before they end up in the corner!! I just want to remind you parents that the Bible does say " He whospares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly." Not trying to be mean or anything! I'm not saying go out and beat your kids but children need limits and rules in order to grow into godly adults and not setting boundaries when they are young will cause major problems in the long run! Jus tsomehting to think about!!!

Lacey0nes · Mar 6, 2003

I wholeheartedly agree with you... We as parents need to train our sons/daughters in the "Lord"... so that they may be a compliment to him, and not a disgrace.

 

Didymus · Mar 6, 2003

some people like me respond only to pain. A good swat on the behind won t hurt any kid. That s another reason i don t babysit. Did anyone see the piece on CBS news the other night about ODD. i think it is not a real diorder.

Beckijhn · Mar 6, 2003

I can't babysit. I'm not nice enough. In fact my friend's son prays for my 'temper' because he rules the roost except when he's here. He's learning not to sit next to me in church. It's the fake snoring, laying down, taking the hymnals away from everyone, that gets him in trouble. I usually get a good grip on the uh'oh muscle and he's ready to hop down to sit next to his momma. But he keeps coming back, what's up with that?

Yea that brings up a good question. How come the rowdy kids like me? I'm the one who calls them on being rambunctious and make them sit/walk/go outside. If I were them I'd stay away from me - I'm mean!!

Dewjunkie · Mar 6, 2003

Our daughter is fairly well behaved, even for being 2. I am currently trying to combat rampant spoiling by grandparents and friends. I believe people are over-compensating for the death of our first daughter, which may help people cope, but it makes our job harder. So far, she is doing ok, I'm just worried that if goes unchecked, she will run rampant. She already has a bit of an attitude. As far as other people's kids, I don't have the patience top deal with anyone's kids but mine, so I don't ever babysit. I deal with adult babies and other people's problems at work all day.

kimber1 · Mar 6, 2003

What is ODD? I've never heard of that, just add and adhd. Yeah, I'd like to know why I seem to get all the kids with the discipline problems and then I work and work AND work to get them just the way I want and then they move, get older and go to school, etc. I guess God sends them to me to fix. I just wish sometimes God didn't have quite so much faith in me!!

waterwizard · Mar 6, 2003

Today at 12:11 PM Beckijhn said this in Post #4

I can't babysit. I'm not nice enough. In fact my friend's son prays for my 'temper' because he rules the roost except when he's here. He's learning not to sit next to me in church. It's the fake snoring, laying down, taking the hymnals away from everyone, that gets him in trouble. I usually get a good grip on the uh'oh muscle and he's ready to hop down to sit next to his momma. But he keeps coming back, what's up with that?

Yea that brings up a good question. How come the rowdy kids like me? I'm the one who calls them on being rambunctious and make them sit/walk/go outside. If I were them I'd stay away from me - I'm mean!!

That's exactly the reason they like you.  They want someone to call them on their rambunctious behavior, and you do so.  They know you love them, and will try to keep them in line.  They're seeing how far they can take you, and you're not giving them any slack.  They want and need that.  Keep it up.  You'd be a good youth minister.

Didymus · Mar 6, 2003

ODD is opostional something disorder. It s when you tell a child to do something and the refuse. Supposodly they can t control their behavior. Where i grew up if your parents told you to do something you did it. you could moan and groan but you didn t dare refuse. Everyone I knew was being raised the same way.

waterwizard · Mar 6, 2003

Today at 02:02 PM Didymus said this in Post #8

ODD is opostional something disorder. It s when you tell a child to do something and the refuse. Supposodly they can t control their behavior. Where i grew up if your parents told you to do something you did it. you could moan and groan but you didn t dare refuse. Everyone I knew was being raised the same way.

Where I come from, that's just being hard headed.

Really, that is the mark of a strong willed child.  That spirit should be reigned in a bit, but never, never broken.

Evening Mist · Mar 6, 2003

I think sometimes we get the idea that discipline is about making our kids behave well so that our own work will be easier. It is important to remember that parenting/childcare is not supposed to be easy, and that in a very real sense we are called to lay down our lives for our kids. Parenting is all about constant sacrifice, and childcare is very rarely a convenient endeavor.

Discipline is not about exerting authority or creating "easy" kids. Discipline is about helping our children to develop their ability to be take responsibility, solve problems, and connect with compassionately with people. The goal of discipline is long term -- someday I want my kids to be guided internally and not need anyone to direct their actions anymore.

That long-term goal often means more work RIGHT NOW. Because in order to develop internal self-discipline, our kids need the freedom to make mistakes and learn important lessons now, while they are safetly held by their parents. Lucky us -- we get the worst of it. But that is how it should be.

Sometimes unruly behavior indicates that a child's needs for structure and love are not being met. But other times the "unruliness" has more to to do with the particular place that child is at in the learning process. However we address their behavior needs to be rooted in empathy and respect. We should always treat them as people.

FaithtoFaith · Mar 6, 2003

You know my two year old is VERY strong willed. I do swat his little behind whenever he pushes it too far and he still don't move! I am really concerned about disciplining him as he gets older. The only other thing that I've noticed that will usually get him going in the right direction is when I tell him that I don't want to talk with him or I ignore him because he is not being good. Then I am concerned that it may not be healthy for me to try to manipulate him like that either?! But, that is usually what makes him straighten up and act right. Then he is the sweetest little thing in the world again. I even tried the time out thingy, he won't sit in the chair unless I hold him there! Then he gets so mad that sometimes he actually throws up and I have to sit there and remind him that I love him and wait for him to calm down (but not getting up until he does). It's will against will at that point. So far, I've not given in, but pretty soon he's gonna be too big to hold in a chair! LOL Then at what point does physical discipline become abuse? My daughter was a very well behaved child and easily corrected. This son is usually very sweet and loving, but gets into bad moods already. Then he thinks you should cater to his every wish, which I must add is not my fortee!

Evening Mist · Mar 6, 2003

FaithtoFaith -- I only use time outs when one of my children "hits." The rule is "you hit, you sit." LOL! But I have to sit with my 2 year old on his time-outs too, so you are not alone. IMO -- the point of the time out is to help the kid cool off, not to isolate him. He can cool off with you sitting nearby. I used to sit with my older son too, but now at 6 years old he understands that time out is a chance to cool off, and he goes by himself.

Exactly what sort of things does your 2 year old do that "presses your buttons?"

Didymus · Mar 6, 2003

odd is opositional defiant disorder. the debate now is whether it is bio-chemical or eviromental.
Two books might help:The strong-willed child and dare to discipline both by james dobson. i never read them but ive been told they are good. And who ever said girls are easier then boys never had me !!!
no matter how you discipline someone will tell you you are doing it wrong so get used to that.
My two won t need a phsch. to tell them why they have problems they ll know why--their mother raised them wrong--

FaithtoFaith · Mar 6, 2003

Today at 02:50 PM Evening Mist said this in Post #12

FaithtoFaith -- I only use time outs when one of my children "hits." The rule is "you hit, you sit." LOL! But I have to sit with my 2 year old on his time-outs too, so you are not alone. IMO -- the point of the time out is to help the kid cool off, not to isolate him. He can cool off with you sitting nearby. I used to sit with my older son too, but now at 6 years old he understands that time out is a chance to cool off, and he goes by himself.

Exactly what sort of things does your 2 year old do that "presses your buttons?"

Oh let's see, he tells me no, sometimes by yelling or accompanied with slapping at me.  He will scream and wiggle out of your control sometimes when being forced to do something against his will at the moment, like taking a bath.  If he's not in the right mood and I try to get him to pick up his toys, he'll tell me no, I don't want to and then try to go somewhere else.  If he doesn't want to wear what I've picked out for him, he'll try to crawl and away and constantly turn over so I can't put them on him, etc., etc., etc.  

Ugh, he sounds pretty bad, but let me remind you, he doesn't do this all the time, just here lately it's been more recently.  He's known what no means since he was about 10 months old.  When I would feed him, he would shake his head to tell me if he didnt't want any more or if he didn't like the taste of something.  So I know he knows exactly what he's doing.

FaithtoFaith · Mar 6, 2003

Today at 02:58 PM Didymus said this in Post #13

odd is opositional defiant disorder. the debate now is whether it is bio-chemical or eviromental.
Two books might help:The strong-willed child and dare to discipline both by james dobson. i never read them but ive been told they are good. And who ever said girls are easier then boys never had me !!!
no matter how you discipline someone will tell you you are doing it wrong so get used to that.
My two won t need a phsch. to tell them why they have problems they ll know why--their mother raised them wrong--

Isn't that what everyone says anyways, that it's because of their mothers!  LOL

Didymus · Mar 6, 2003

wow sounds like the odd kid that was on tv. only he was 8 so he knew he was disobeying.. could be your little guy is just tying to see if he can be the boos.

FaithtoFaith · Mar 6, 2003

Ya, you're probably right. After we've gone through one of our disciplining times, he will end up being so happy and sweet. Kinda reminds me of our relationship with the Lord. I know that when God corrects me, it feels good to be right with him again.

I am sure he's just feeling us out. I think he's pretty smart because he can carry on a pretty good conversation with you and understand and remember most of what's been said.

Evening Mist · Mar 6, 2003

Faithtofaith -- Wow, sounds like a typical 2 year old to me! heh -- fun, fun. Seriously though, it doesn't sound at all like he is a "bad kid." He is just doing what 2 year olds do.

It takes a lot of energy, sometimes more than I have, but I find that toddlers are easier to negotiate with when you make things fun. Come up with little games to go along with the things they struggle over. For cleaning up toys, try telling him things like "I'll clean up the red blocks and you clean up the blue ones. We'll see who finishes first."

Also do you give choices? This is my biggest tool -- kids love choices! If you don't want him to choose his own clothes entirely, show him 2 outfits and ask him which one he wants today.

Hitting is never okay, and has to be addressed immediately. I chant "We do not hit in our family." Which means, of course, that I don't hit him either. But it does eventually sink in.

But I think saying "no" is okay. I may be in the minority on that one, but I would rather my 2 year old "use words" than hit me. "No" does not have to mean that he gets his way, but it does mean that he has been allowed to express himself. The alternative is often frustration and hitting. When he is older and has more words, you can encourage him to speak politely. But for right now, "No" might be the best he can do.

I didn't mean to go on and on, and I'm sure you do these things already since you sound like a fairly seasoned parent.

But please -- go easy on yourself!!! Parenthood is so tiring, and 2 year olds are hard work! Your little guy sounds like an amazing strong person!

Evening Mist · Mar 6, 2003

Faithtofaith -- yes, I bet he is really smart. Smart kids are hard work, but it is so rewarding to know them!

FaithtoFaith · Mar 6, 2003

I agree. He is such a blessing. Each morning when I see his sweet little face, I thank God for giving him to me.

He is so opposite of my daughter and I've heard that happens a lot. My daughter is now 17 so I may have forgotten some of the things she use to do. He can be so unbelievable when he is in a good mood, which is more often than not. I think I'll keep him! LOL

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