Developmental Delays or just getting things out of order?

I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or seen this with your children.

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and have been struggling with what exactly it is that I am delayed with. I know it is there...people look at me funny and all sometimes. I know I don't get things quite right when it comes to interacting with others. But I have always felt like I could communicate well with people before these past few years...now I am trying to sort out what exactly I need to work on in the social arena.

I feel like lately I am going through my teenage years or something...(I am 35)...but my mom will tell you I skipped my teenage years...I had a few months of backtalk and she reasoned with me as to whether she deserved the way I was talking to her and I stopped. That was it. I was no longer a teen at 12. I was the youngest camp counselor by at least 3 years when I was 15 because of my "maturity" and "responsibity". When we ended up short staffed half way through the summer, I was even chosen to be the counselor to have to work by myself with 30 kids because the camp director didn't trust anyone else to be able to handle it.

So I have been wondering if I am going back to the teen years in a way because I might have missed some essential steps towards growing up. I find myself internally rebelling to things (especially my parents) like I can not ever remember doing before. I find my tongue to be sharper than it ever was. And more...

I know growing up I tended to do things rather "backwards" so to speak. I walked before I ever crawled. I was doing algebra problems before I had my times tables memorized. I just seem to jump toward the more complicated stuff before I get a grasp on the basics. Has anyone else ever experienced this themselves or with their children?

Tad

kayd1966 said:

My advice is to speak up for what you think and believe but also learn how to speak up without offending because we less logical people get our feelings hurt way more....does that make sense?

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Actually...no it doesn't make sense. I am sorry...I don't mean to be dense or difficult. But in my experience I have found that I am the one that seems to get my feelings hurt faster than anyone. I have heard all my life that I am too sensitive, and if people look at me wrong I cry. So I have worked all of my life to get my heard and heart to work together and stop fighting. I have tried and tried to be more logical and less sensitive...but when I am in the room with someone else, I "feel" their feelings. In fact theor feelings get extremely overwhelming to a point where all I can do is zone out or leave. (Hense I don't do well in crowds). I am currently in recovery from abuse, and have heard about these things called boundaries. But my logic keeps stiking me and saying how can I stand up for myself and "stick to my boundaries" or even find them if I can't tell where the other people end and I begin. So I am having difficulty with what you are trying to convey here.

But I do appreciate your effort. Thanks.

But it now occurs to me...are you trying to say that teenagers are merely trying to find ways to stand up for themselves?

Tad

kayd1966 said:

I find it very interesting that the emotions of others overwhelmed you...my son hates crowds but I've always believed it was the noise. Were you ever taught how to read people's facial expressions and body language?

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No I wasn't. I just found out I had AS in Jun 2005. My OT doesn't think it necessar to teach me. I get "accused" of being extremely perceptive...even online. I have a friend that I just tell her to spill it...or ask her what is wrong...and she can't figure out how I know.

I just feel their presence. And read their words. Even face to face I read their words. The tone generally either scares the you know what out of me or allows me the freedom to listen (read) their words. I use the word read because I have an auditory processing problem. I have difficulty following conversations. I literally translate the sounds into type into my head then read the words in my brain and translate them into pictures that I can make sense of. Sp I am usually a step behind in a verbal conversation. (Hense I love e-mail and IM...get to skip a step and take my time and reread if I need to) which is why it took me til the end of my post to figure out what you were trying to say. But back to the perceptive. My friend sommented on how perceptive I was online. It took me a little while to figure it out but I finally realized that is was because I do the same thing face to face as I do online. I read their sentence structure and use of words to figure out their moods. I literally hear giggles when something is meant with a chuckle, or I see the tears, or the clenching of a fist, in the words that are used. I can't explain it really. But I in a sense hear the tone/mood as I read it on the screen...as well if not bette than face to face. I don't seem to need facial expressions (and I think I failed that on the testing I did)...I guess I learned my own method growing up without help.

I am a sales rep (which is the worst job for someone like me and I hate it) and I can't remember my customers after even five minutes...cause I don't remember their faces. But once they tell me their situation...it could be 6 months before and I can tell them just about every detail.

As for as crowds go...it is all of it...feelings, sight, sounds the whole works. I have a ton of coping mechanisms I use in crowds and believe it or not...the best one is my baseball cap (which my mom hates me wearing cuz I am a girl)...but I use the brim to block the view down to a more tolerable amount. And I follow the feet of the person that is with me...I never look where I am going if someone is with me...and if I am alone...I stop find a foxal popint in which I need to get to and hyperfocus on getting there and do my best to tune the rest out. That is one of the ways I try to utilize my hyperfocusing talent for good.

I am pleased to know you are ADHD. It is considered to be on the edge of the Autsitic Spectrum by some people. And that is one of the biggest issues I deal with daily as a subset of the AS. I am moderate to severe ADD/ADHD depending on my stress level. I am working on finding the right meds. I was actually misdiagnosed with ADD and a reading comprehension problem when I was 21. (Yet I get told that I write well...go figure) At this point in my life now that I have the one sensory issue mostly solved that interfered in my life up til about a month ago it is mostly the ADD stuff that contributes to most of my battles with life.

I know I struggle with reading though under stress...nothing will go in sometimes. The harder I try the worse it gets. So I learned not to fight it...and just work through stuff first...then I will be able to handle it again. Some days are input days and some days are output days. Input days I read everything I can get my hands on...Output days...I write til my fingers can't feel the keyboard anymore.

There are those inbetween days when everything just builds....I call those my processing days.

I love to talk to you...you don't judge me...but you do inquire and seem genuinely interested...which helps me to share more easily. I am so used to being put down about the sensory stuff and ignored that it is hard for me to share some of it. But I want and need to...not just for me but for those who can not speak up for themselves...like your son. I have processed this for over 30 years...and am just now beginning to find words for some of it.

I have always known I was different...but always felt dumb...even though I could do calculus and such...I still felt dumb because I couldn't even make a friend and keep them. I felt like I could never seem to do things right. Now I know...there are things I can't do...the way others do...I have to find new ways of trying. And after my testing this summer I know I am not dumb now. In fact I am very bright...just not in ways everyone else takes for granted that I should be able to easily do because of my intelligence. They don't see my challenges...they are hidden. My diagnosis has really given me the freedom to say "I can't do it this way" lets try it another way to get adequate results. I don't have to beat my head into a wall anymore. There are people out there with pillows that will help me find a way around the walls. My coach says I am one of the most determined people she knows.

Back to my orignial question...lol

So you think I am on the right line of questioning...I may just be going through my teenage years so to speak. Which make my theory plausible...that the development could simply be out of order rather than just delayed. Or maybe the delay is due to it being out of order...we don't get the foundation skills to build upon so while we are working on advanced skills we are failing because we don't get the prerequisites that we needed from the get go.

For example...the speech delay...those who use sign language don't have the frustrations nor the speech development problems that those who don't use it early one. The sign language would allow the processing of ideas an advanced skill...but the speech still hasn't has its foundation in place...so the speech takes longer to learn. I dunno...the words aren't coming to me right now...don't know if I am saying what I am trying to say. I will try again later.

Thanks for listening...and I love reading your responses...and hear about James and your husband. And I would love to hear your husbands thoughts on this when you gat a chance to ask him.

hugs,
Tad

I am glad that what I said made sense to someone...I really do want to help bridge the gap between different minds...I want these kids to be understood better so they don't have quite as rough a time as I had growing up...know about my differences and what was causeing them would have made things more successful for me...and I might even be closer to my age by now...instead of feeling like I am just now going through my teens at the age of 35.

thanks,

Tad