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Joyfuliness

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So about a month ago, i dated a guy for about a week from a christian dating website. It was a long distance relationship. I really felt like we had chemistry and such, like it was easy to talk to him, and he was understanding and we had similar interests but then he rushed, for the first few days I felt like he went to level 200 in our relationship (I am like level 1 because even though I am almost 30 years old, I havent dated much like hardly..), Anyways I didnt know what to do, I wanted to speak up but I was shocked and had anxieties... then I had mix feelings, I wasn't sure if he had a relationship with God/Christian/equally yoked. He did talk about God but I didn't asked him too much about his relationship with God and there were other things I didnt ask that I wanted too. I kinda regretted not asking about other info from him. With my mixed feelings, I decided to end my relationship with the guy. It was only a week but sometimes I think about it like what if I told him that he was rushing or how I am at level 1 with dating and I need to take steps one at a time kinda thing... I guess what I am asking I think I should of tried working out the relationship instead of leaving it? I mean I guess also another reason was safety, I wasnt sure if he was safe, because he was rushing the relationship, there were red flags here and there but then again, what if I was wrong? Ahh I do not know what to do, because there is a part of me, that I want to get back in touch with him(he has not spoken to me since... I think I might of hurt his feelings... maybe?? ) but there another part me that doesnt because I am not sure what God wants for me, I have been praying for direction about this situation, like I think God wants me to do something but I dont know what it is! What would you do in this situation?
 

dayhiker

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Hi Joyfulness ... welcome to CF. I love you name here.

So never question that you did the right thing to be and feel safe.
Now this short relationship is also putting some very good questions into your mind that can take a while to work thru.
Often these type of questions take practice to feel comfortable asking. So I'd suggest you find a way to practice asking some questions to someone, the person can be either sex. Think of someone you know very casually. Tell them about the situation above and that you would like to practice asking those questions to someone. Would you be willing to let me ask you questions so I can practice.
I was very late to asking questions and still don't always think to ask the questions I should. That was one of the reasons my marriage ended a few years ago. So practising to ask questions now will pay off big benefits in the future.
Its usually very awkward the first few times. Usually after you have talked and asked your questions if feels like it wasn't as bad as you expected it to be. The other person is almost always glad you asked them as well.
 
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Joyfuliness

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Thank you so much for your advice! I will keep this in mind <3 I am a shy person, I know he is too, and it doesnt help that we live far away from each other ... when ever I think of him my heart feels heavy, so i dont know if I should do something about it, I have been praying for him and such. I dont know if God wants me to do something or not. I just struggle with anxieties (I have been a hermit lol) sometimes when i talk to someone on the phone and sometimes I get anxieties just the thought of trying to talk to him.
 
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slippinginfaith

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First step is to figure out how you feel. And once you know how you feel, act on it. Ask for wisdom from God to make the right decision.
 
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JohnNess

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When my wife and I became "official", I kissed her. I'd dated a little bit, so I'd kissed a few girls, but it was her first dating kiss ever. Over the next few days, I wanted to kiss her quite a lot, and it got to be too much for her. She told me she was new to this and just wanted to slow down on it a bit. I was a little hurt, but I tried seeing things from her perspective and realized how new it all was to her. We went a couple dates with only a goodnight kiss and then she started wanting to kiss me more. The moral of the story: know what you want and don't be afraid to speak up. A guy worth dating will be able to listen to how you feel and tell you where he's coming from; then you can work something out together. A guy who freaks out and either gets really angry or leaves wouldn't have worked out anyway.
As for the particular guy in your OP, I am not sure running away was the best option. It could be that he was nervous and over-excited like I was (though, in fairness, I don't know what relationship level 200 entails). If he made you feel unsafe, then saying no is fine; if you just weren't comfortable with how fast things were going, I'd recommend talking about that first.
Whatever happens, be yourself. You want the person you marry to love you for who you are, so you might as well be who you are and wait for that person to come along.
 
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