Dating and Partying

I think there is a tendency at that age to think that if you're in love, you must be together at every possible moment. With all due respect to your daughter, I think that's a wrong attitude. Couples need time apart, just as they need time together. Your daughters BF needs time with his friends, just as she needs time with her friends.

Regarding the parties, it's a judgment call. If you have a bunch of guys getting together to watch a basketball game, and some of them have a few beers, I don't think that's a problem. But, if it's a big, wild party where everyone is getting smashed, then I don't think that's an appropriate environment for a Christian to be in, with or without his girlfriend.

Hope this helps.

The guy sounds like a jerk, and your daughter could do much, much better. Just objectively speaking from a guy's point of view, who knows how guys really are at this age these days.

Grace07 said:

I am a mother of an 18 yr old daughter. She is a christian and she is dating an 19 yr old christian. He feels that it is OK to go to parties without her. He does not drink but likes getting together with his friends, some of them do. Is it the christian way to like to go to parties and just not participate? Is it OK without his girlfriend or is this inappropriate behavior? Is this a person's opinion? This hurts my daughter when he wants to go out with his friends and he doesn't ask her to go. He says he assumed she wouldn't want to. He says she should be able to trust him that he wouldn't do anything to sin.

Please give me your opinion.

Worried Mom

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Just as a practical point here. She cannot make his choices for him. She needs to let the relationship stand or fall on it's own merits. Meaning she should concentrate her efforts on getting to know him as a person and base their relationship on that knowledge.

On the question of whether this young man is wise on what he is doing. Most likely not. However, that is his issue to work out and not hers.

I fully understand your concern. I've been in similar situations before, like your daughter's, and a lot of uncertaintly is involved. As others have said, she can't make him do anything. People will only change if they want to.

I agree that it depends what types of parties they are. If it's a huge beer-bash, where most of them are getting drunk and doing tons of indecent things, he should not go there. He should also not just ask her to "trust him"--that atmosphere only welcomes trouble.

She also needs to decide how far this issue will go. If she one day wants to marry this boy, does she feel that he will change? In 5 years, will he still be insisting on going out with his drinking buddies on a regular basis, even if they're married? She just needs to talk with him calmly, about her concerns, and ask him what he thinks the future holds. She should let him know she trusts him, but that she's just worried if he sees this as being a permanent part of his future. Obviously no one knows what a few years will do, but in many cases, a person has decided in their mind already what they are planning for the future. I have seen it firsthand how drinking buddies from high school continue to do the same exact things still, even when they're 25.

I am 17 and in a serious relationship with a guy. I've learned that if you don't give your guy freedom to hang out with his friends that there can be problems. The best way to handle you problem is to tell her to sit down with him and express all her feelings about it to him, not holding anything back. She also needs to realize that she can't be with him all the time and that these are great times to spend with other people important to her.