Conversational tips?

Jenster · Mar 24, 2006

Hey Fab 40s!

I wanted to ask if y'all have any tips on how to have a great conversation with others. I would love to improve my skills, as I tend to be on the quieter side.

I do a fair bit of listening, which everyone says is important in conversation, but I'd like to mix it up a little, especially when I'm in a small group.

Some of the situations I find challenging -- and would love some ideas on -- include dealing with a person who dominates the conversation; putting others at ease; and holding my own when a group's attention falls on me. About that last one, for instance, sometimes after I hang out in a group of three or four people, I realize I only contributed to about 10 percent of the conversation! I talk, but perhaps I don't carry the conversation for very long.

Just so you know, I'm not totally clueless in this area but I figured with such a wonderful group of people here, everyone must have some little tidbit to share. Thanks!

MMXII · Mar 24, 2006

I tend to be a better listener than I am at carrying on a conversation...or at least with most people. Most of my friends talk more than I do and sometimes I come across at being shy. I figure if I don't have anything to contribute to a conversation, why bother. Now when I'm talking with John I think we both talk about 50/50. Sometimes he has more to say and sometimes I do.

As far as in crowds, I'm not the type of person to go up to a stranger and introduce myself and start a conversation. The strange part about all this is is that I'm a trainer, therefore, I have to stand up in front of crowds and train folks. I love it, I have no problem speaking in public. I teach adult Sunday school once a month too. So when the spotlight is on me, I'm ok...except when it comes to singing solos...they scare me.

With a small group of intimate friends I have no problems talking. I guess I just have to warm up to people.

Jenster · Mar 24, 2006

MMXII said:
Now when I'm talking with John I think we both talk about 50/50. Sometimes he has more to say and sometimes I do.

Now that's the way I think it should be. 50/50!

Thanks for sharing, Jan. It's nice to know there are other listeners here.

heffalump_hunter · Mar 24, 2006

I think I talk too much. I like to tell jokes and sometimes talk about silly things that have happened in my life. Actually I think sometimes I'm a bit egocentric in conversation and try to make the conversation more about me. So I'm kind of the opposite to you two. And, I'm not sure if I would be much help ....

FlatpickingJD · Mar 24, 2006

I'm pretty quiet in group situations too, so I empathize. What I usually do is a variation on interview techniques I've heard talk show hosts do (at least the good ones): listen to what others have said and ask questions based on their answers. It kind of steers the conversation, and keeps you involved.

I'm not sure how to deal with those who dominate conversation, never quite figured that one out myself. That might be where the interview technique comes in, getting someone else in the (small) group to talk about something they've just said, or even asking someone else's opinion about something the loudmouth, er, dominant person, has said.

But then I'm kind of socially inept, so I'm just blathering on.

Jenster · Mar 25, 2006

LOL, heff! Well, at least you're honest about it. Besides, every group needs someone who is the "life of the party," so to speak. So keep those jokes coming!

FJD (btw, hi! ) I like your "redirect" strategy. Good idea. It's certainly something I could do -- ask the opinion of another person rather than trying to "steal" the spotlight myself from the blabber, I mean, dominant one. I so hate entering a tug-of-war when we should all just be having a nice enjoyable conversation, don't you?

MN John · Mar 25, 2006

I don't really mind if I contribute 10% when I'm in a group of 4 or 65% when I'm with my buddy Greg. I think one has to adjust a little to who they're with.

I wouldn't strain to say more just to take "my fair share" of a conversation or less in order to match the amount the other person is contributing. I just let it flow.

I'm an extrovert. I'll walk up to strangers all the time. I'll go to events where I don't know anybody. I guess I'd say I'm comfortable with conversation and maybe am good at it, but I don't know if I can come up wt tips because I haven't had to think about it, I just do it.

GritsnGrace · Mar 25, 2006

I have always been more of an introvert, as a kid, I was painfully shy. Moving and changing schools every other year kinda does that sometimes. I was usually 'the new kid' .I could never just 'strike up a conversation', I was more of a add to it' type person. Working in Customer Service at a grocery store though, I have learned how to do that. I have to talk to ustomers, and try to help them find what they want. (and do it with a smile!!!) Even if they are very cranky!!

Jenster · Mar 26, 2006

Thanks, MN John, mamabear! I guess conversation does depend on who you're talking to. With different people, there will be a different ebb and flow. I've had some people say they don't feel like they know me, though, so I am conscious about trying to speak up more.

mamabear, sounds like you've had some practice -- and developed patience. Maybe it's true that patience is the hardest thing to learn, but the most valuable quality to have!

Friendshipcake · May 15, 2006

In group sessions I can be the quiet type~ but if need arises, I can do whatever I need to.

One-on-one I'm a good listener~ and if asked what I think, then most of the time I will tell my opinion. I love to listen to people, to figure out what makes them tick, or why they may think the way they do.

Jenster · May 15, 2006

Friendshipcake said:
One-on-one I'm a good listener~ and if asked what I think, then most of the time I will tell my opinion. I love to listen to people, to figure out what makes them tick, or why they may think the way they do.

That's a good reminder, Friendshipcake! (Love your screen name, btw... ) Listening is more than not talking or giving the appropriate responses; it's also a way to learn something about the other person. I can appreciate that.

LavenderMoon · May 15, 2006

I'm really shy and quite. I'm a good listener, I don't really feel comfortable around a large group of people. I talk softly and people have to keep asking me to speak up, which makes me more embarrassed. I could use some tips myself.

Jenster · May 15, 2006

LavenderMoon said:
I talk softly and people have to keep asking me to speak up, which makes me more embarrassed.

Oh me too, LavendarMoon, me too! If we could have a nickel for every time someone has asked us to speak up, we'd be rich, eh?

Conversational tips?

Jenster

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MMXII

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Jenster

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heffalump_hunter

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FlatpickingJD

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Jenster

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MN John

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GritsnGrace

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Jenster

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Friendshipcake

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Jenster

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LavenderMoon

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Jenster

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