Conflicted

Blues127 said:

My father sexually abused my sister. I still feel torn up. I was 5 when he went to prison, I am now 33. My family has forgiven him. But once a year a couple of memories come up in my head and just....hit me.

I want to kick is Axx....even though he is an old man, and I feel guilty for it. I wish he would have fried instead of serving a minimal sentence. And i feel guilty for that. I feel guilty for not protecting my sister.

Everyone else in my family did really well in counseling. I have never opened up so well.....I feel like I am paying for that now.

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Hi, I am so sorry this happened, even though is some time back, doesn't make it less horrendous. I pray your sister is doing okay.

Maybe you are at a place now where you might be able to open up more in counseling; where you said you didn't open up so well before.

Everyone is different and because of that we all feel and go thru things differently.

Of course you know it wasn't your fault at all, and is where you need healing.

One thing you can do is every time that lie comes in your head saying you should have protected her (which you had no control over another), is bring it to Jesus every time the thought comes up, even if it's every minute and constantly.

Is how I heal thru pain, by constantly bringing whatever it is to Christ, and though takes time.

What you went thru and are going thru is much different than the things I ever experienced so again, sounds like you are now maybe ready to get help with counseling to get freedom from this.

bless you,
tapero

Blues127 said:

My father sexually abused my sister. I still feel torn up. I was 5 when he went to prison, I am now 33. My family has forgiven him. But once a year a couple of memories come up in my head and just....hit me.

I want to kick is Axx....even though he is an old man, and I feel guilty for it. I wish he would have fried instead of serving a minimal sentence. And i feel guilty for that. I feel guilty for not protecting my sister.

Everyone else in my family did really well in counseling. I have never opened up so well.....I feel like I am paying for that now.

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I'm sorry to hear that you have gone through this. You will be able to talk in your own time when you feel ready. Try not to feel guilty for what has happened. It is not your fault. You are not the one that caused this or took advantage of anyone.

Don't feel guilty either about what you are thinking. My abuser died when everything came out. It didn't even get to court. he would have only got 4 years as well, which is nothing compared to what I went through. I am still angry about this and deeply hurt by alot of people. I am working through it though so eventually I will get around this. What I am trying to say is that what you are thinking is quite normal so try not to worry. God knows how you are feeling.

Blues127 said:

My father sexually abused my sister. I still feel torn up. I was 5 when he went to prison, I am now 33. My family has forgiven him. But once a year a couple of memories come up in my head and just....hit me.

I want to kick is Axx....even though he is an old man, and I feel guilty for it. I wish he would have fried instead of serving a minimal sentence. And i feel guilty for that. I feel guilty for not protecting my sister.

Everyone else in my family did really well in counseling. I have never opened up so well.....I feel like I am paying for that now.

Click to expand...

Thanks to God that everyone else in your family did well in counseling. Now it is time for yourself. I understand and if I were u , I would feel it a shame that I did not protect my sister when she was small, too........but It is truely not your faults , right? u were only a kid yourself at that age.
It is devil's faults and devil's trick to bring u down and still make u feel depressed even now. But the lord wants u to move on your life , and try to forgive yourself, let yourself get a new motive for the future.
U will find the motive and new goal if u keep on seeking the lord. He knows how and the answer for everything. Same time find some cousneling resources to read ,some help books to broaden your minds and eyes.