Competition :(

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

There's this one girl that I am into, and I would like to hang out with her some more one on one. We hang out in group settings a lot (like during the summer when everyone has more time), and we try to hang out one on one sometimes, but it always seems like a group gets involved.

This girl went to my old youth group. theres this other guy named John that she hung out with a lot over the summer. The 2 werent going out, they were just good friends that hang out all the time.

But for some reason I feel afraid to get involved at try to hang out with a girl like this who hangs out with guy friend a lot more than she hangs out with me.

I mean it seems like I would have to compete for her attention. and Like i would have to try really hard in order to be the one hanging out with her the most. She has a busy schedule during the school year so its hard to get a hold of her. I kinda don't even bother trying, except during the summer and break. And during the summer this guy hangs out with her a lot.

Fatolia · Mar 24, 2005

Dude, in the end she's going to be the one picking anyway so you don't really have much choice.

But really, if you just love her as a friend and treat her like Jesus would, that's definitely the way to go. Why worry if she hangs out with the other guy? Isn't there room in a woman's life for two male friends?

goat37 · Mar 24, 2005

Is she just supposed to magically know that you want to spend lots of time with her without you doing something to make her want to spend that kind of time with you?

If she spends so much time with 'this guy', it's probably because they are truly good friends, have a lot in common, have stuff to talk about, and she is comfortable around him... That's not to say you don't have a chance, but it takes time to build that with someone... and you can't just jump in and expect her to spend that kind of time or more with you.

There is also a saying... no risk, no reward... If you don't take a chance and try with her, you'll never get that kind of one on one time... if you do try, you still may not... but you may... and that's the only way to find out.

Just go for it, honestly... what have you got to lose?

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

Fatolia said:
Dude, in the end she's going to be the one picking anyway so you don't really have much choice.

But really, if you just love her as a friend and treat her like Jesus would, that's definitely the way to go. Why worry if she hangs out with the other guy? Isn't there room in a woman's life for two male friends?

between college, a part time job, and hanging out with this guy,
im not sure if there is much room for hanging out with one more guy friend.

I'll treat her like a friend of course. but I would still like to hang out with her more. But I'm intimidated. Because I'd probably have to hang out with her a LOT before I become more of a friend to her than this guy is.

and if I ever want there to be a chance of there being a relationship between me and this girl. I will have to be her better friend in order for that to happen. Not this guy.

joeman1 · Mar 24, 2005

Trust the Lord he knows your heart and he knows his plans for you. Things will work out for his glory just trust him completely

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

goat37 said:
Is she just supposed to magically know that you want to spend lots of time with her without you doing something to make her want to spend that kind of time with you?

If she spends so much time with 'this guy', it's probably because they are truly good friends, have a lot in common, have stuff to talk about, and she is comfortable around him... That's not to say you don't have a chance, but it takes time to build that with someone... and you can't just jump in and expect her to spend that kind of time or more with you.

There is also a saying... no risk, no reward... If you don't take a chance and try with her, you'll never get that kind of one on one time... if you do try, you still may not... but you may... and that's the only way to find out.

Just go for it, honestly... what have you got to lose?

honestly, im not sure if they really do have that much in common. i think its more so that they are just a guy and a girl, thus they wanna hang out together I dont want to use the word desperate, but maybe that word is in order. I tried going out with her once, but she had to cancel the day before, because she had plans she forget about (she was being honest)

And I do have something to lose. Last time I tried hanging out with her one on one, she invited her "John" friend along. And for some reason whenever she is around anyone else besides me, she acts really annoying. Like I think i click better with her when she's one on one.

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

joeman1 said:
Trust the Lord he knows your heart and he knows his plans for you. Things will work out for his glory just trust him completely

alright, but how does that apply to this situation? I dont know what the Lord wants. And through prayer he refuses to tell me. I guess its up to me to make my own destiny.

joeman1 · Mar 24, 2005

Trust Him. You know the Lord truly cares about this situation. I myself am going through something similar. I don't exactly know what I need to do but I know that if I put the Lord first and firmost he will bless me in that area. I am trusting that His will is far better than I can imagine in this area. Trusting him means trusting Him with it all not just part.

MrDude · Mar 24, 2005

goat37 said:
Is she just supposed to magically know that you want to spend lots of time with her without you doing something to make her want to spend that kind of time with you?

If she spends so much time with 'this guy', it's probably because they are truly good friends, have a lot in common, have stuff to talk about, and she is comfortable around him... That's not to say you don't have a chance, but it takes time to build that with someone... and you can't just jump in and expect her to spend that kind of time or more with you.

There is also a saying... no risk, no reward... If you don't take a chance and try with her, you'll never get that kind of one on one time... if you do try, you still may not... but you may... and that's the only way to find out.

Just go for it, honestly... what have you got to lose?

I concur here.

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

doh!

I just IMed her, and found out she is talking to John on the phone right now.

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

joeman1 said:
Trust Him. You know the Lord truly cares about this situation. I myself am going through something similar. I don't exactly know what I need to do but I know that if I put the Lord first and firmost he will bless me in that area. I am trusting that His will is far better than I can imagine in this area. Trusting him means trusting Him with it all not just part.

okay, but trusting in the Lord, doesnt have anything to do with helping you know what to do, unless the Lord helps you.

God does not respond to my prayers. I think he's trying to tell me that I'm on my own, for this one.

joeman1 · Mar 24, 2005

give her the option to keep Iming or to talk with him. just make sure you show that you want to talk but in a nonevasive way.

joeman1 · Mar 24, 2005

iwillxa100 said:
okay, but trusting in the Lord, doesnt have anything to do with helping you know what to do, unless the Lord helps you.

God does not respond to my prayers. I think he's trying to tell me that I'm on my own, for this one.

I feel the same way from time to time. but you know we both could have already heard our answers but we just don't want to hear them. that could be no. Beleive me the Lord will guide both our steps if we put him first. That should be both of our goals. I know it sounds weird but believe me I see things move more when I am focusing on Him rather than her.

waterbear · Mar 24, 2005

iwillxa100 said:
There's this one girl that I am into, and I would like to hang out with her some more one on one. We hang out in group settings a lot (like during the summer when everyone has more time), and we try to hang out one on one sometimes, but it always seems like a group gets involved.

This girl went to my old youth group. theres this other guy named John that she hung out with a lot over the summer. The 2 werent going out, they were just good friends that hang out all the time.

But for some reason I feel afraid to get involved at try to hang out with a girl like this who hangs out with guy friend a lot more than she hangs out with me.

I mean it seems like I would have to compete for her attention. and Like i would have to try really hard in order to be the one hanging out with her the most. She has a busy schedule during the school year so its hard to get a hold of her. I kinda don't even bother trying, except during the summer and break. And during the summer this guy hangs out with her a lot.

This situation is probably the norm with cute girls. I was interested in someone last year - she had three suitors, some of whom had been making efforts for years! Anyway, your best bet is to do what she's doing - pursue multiple leads in parallel. The trick is keeping yourself in the running, but not putting too much importance on it - good luck.

iwillxa100 · Mar 24, 2005

joeman1 said:
I feel the same way from time to time. but you know we both could have already heard our answers but we just don't want to hear them. that could be no.

Believe me, at this point I could care less what the answer is. I just want AN answer!!! I want to hear God's answers. But I can't hear them.

joeman1 · Mar 25, 2005

iwillxa100 said:
Believe me, at this point I could care less what the answer is. I just want AN answer!!! I want to hear God's answers. But I can't hear them.

I know you do I want to hear from him to but right now the best thing for us to do is be patient and not demand from God

JPPT1974 · Mar 25, 2005

iwillxa100 said:
Believe me, at this point I could care less what the answer is. I just want AN answer!!! I want to hear God's answers. But I can't hear them.

You can't just hear them with your ears but you got to hear them with your heart as well as your soul!

MrDude · Mar 25, 2005

JPPT1974 said:
You can't just hear them with your ears but you got to hear them with your heart as well as your soul!

Ehhhh I really don't buy stuff like this. I've been asking and listening for years for God to speak to my soul, and I have yet to hear anything.

JPPT1974 · Mar 25, 2005

Well all I can tell you my friend is try more harder!!

MrDude · Mar 25, 2005

Ehhh or maybe He's just not talking to me.

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