• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

    Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist

  • Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

churches that hurt

Jump to latest Follow Reply
Sort by date Sort by votes
L

LunaLee_16

Contributor
Feb 1, 2006
7,664
91
N/a
Visit site
✟30,880.00
Country
Afghanistan
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
um, I didn't quite know where 2 post this, but it seemed to be a "general struggle", so here goes.

I have been part of several church families, the first for 7 yrs. and another for 3 and others in between, in a search for a church that doesn't conflict with our beliefs and needs. So I was wondering, why do some churches (not all, but a good many) get 'jealous' or offended when a member/family leaves??? Like when we left our first church after a dispute about the youth pastor, it was like we had commited a huge sin for leaving that church and not staying FOREVER. That was how my family and I were made to feel. It was similar at the other one, because they felt like when a family left their church then the leaders must have done something to make us leave, and that was not the case.
I guess what I'd like to know is why are churches such sources for hurt and pain and tears? (and very often for us)

Thanks for letting me vent Any opinions are welcome as this is something I struggle with often.
 
A

Anti Existance

Guest
Every church or religion thinks THEIR the best. So its a huge offense because if you follow their thinking what could be better then 'their church or religion' in their minds nothing.

God created all the different religions in this world as stepping stones that lead back towards him, not everyone is on the same spiritual level, and therefore not everyone needs the same 'input' in terms of religion or church, when one has the urge that it doesn't feel forfilling anymore, it usually means you have all that within you that that religion or church can offer you, its only natural then that you seek something of a higher level.

And don't worry about the whole guilt thing, you belong to God ,not to a specific church or religion.
 
Upvote 0
N

nowhereville

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2006
567
60
58
Visit site
✟23,488.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
It's funny because we've had some families leave our church and if I'd run into them in public I'd be all "HEY, how are you?" and happy to see them. They always looked like they wanted to run away and hide. I don't care where you go to church as long as you are being fed.

SOMETIMES people leave churches because of their flesh and not because God calls them to do that - that makes them feel guilty.

SOMETIMES God calls people to go elsewhere and people treat them badly because it threatens god's directions in their life and the lack the security to know that they are where God calls them to be.

The bottom line - keep your eyes on God, that's the only opinion that truly counts anyway

Walk in power Wooooo Hoooo
 
Upvote 0
H

Harlan Norris

Well-Known Member
Jun 20, 2005
1,959
136
73
Aurora Co
✟17,955.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
It's probably a pride issue.When someone leaves a church,that reflects on the ministry.In the church I attend the pastor has said to just leave if you have irreconsileable difference with his preaching.I don't know if he means it,but I'm about to find out because I'm going.I shure wish I could find a church that preached the gospel of Jesus Christ,and not the gospel according to Bush.
 
Upvote 0

goldenviolet

Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Nov 28, 2004
35,450
2,125
Salem, Oregon
Visit site
✟69,574.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
i've met many churches ans denominations that not only fellowship together, welcome eachother, but except and appreciate eachother. because of all my friends and their exsperiances, i say that growth, exceptance, the area you live and the church you are in play apart.
...
on another note, what if they aren't jealous, what if it's over zelous and protecting?
 
Upvote 0
L

LunaLee_16

Contributor
Feb 1, 2006
7,664
91
N/a
Visit site
✟30,880.00
Country
Afghanistan
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Anti Existance said:
And don't worry about the whole guilt thing, you belong to God ,not to a specific church or religion.
Click to expand...

thank you, I needed to hear that

nowhereville said:
It's funny because we've had some families leave our church and if I'd run into them in public I'd be all "HEY, how are you?" and happy to see them. They always looked like they wanted to run away and hide.
Click to expand...

hehe, I think I'm one of those people. Actually I can remember ducking into a Wal-Mart aisle after spotting a former pastor... But I knew him well, and if we'd started to talk I'd get the "things have changed since you left please come back" speech...


Yeah, I think that's how they felt, that our leaving was reflecting on them. But it was more like "please don't leave, it'll make us look bad" and not "please don't leave because we love you". God bless you in your search for that church that meets your needs


hmmm...wish I knew a church like that around here..I'd be there next Sunday!

Thanks everyone, you've been a huge blessing.
 
Upvote 0

Restoredsoul

Senior Veteran
Mar 30, 2006
4,601
1,126
44
UK
✟32,265.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Hey,
My fiance and i left a church because they caused us a lot of pain. We felt that it was right to leave as we were not being 'fed' or 'loved' the way we believe christ calls others to love us.

We were ignored by lots of people from the old church and they acted like we did not exist - it is only now nearly a year later that i have received a letter from the pastor to say that we have been missed and are welcome back anytime!

we are at a new church who have nurtured, loved and blessed us no end. We were not engaged before we got there - they had a positive influence on us! They have offered us everything we were looking for - sometimes people can get hurt if we leave - they feel that it is a betrayl maybe?

Although some of our old friend from our old church were very supportive 'Our loss is their gain'

Hugs
RS xx
 
Upvote 0

Templedweller

Unexpected, But Always Meant To Be!!!
Apr 10, 2006
12,959
377
52
✟37,401.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
There was a place we were quite hurt by And we are now part of a church that God has utterly blessed us in SOOO many ways through......He has done it and we are SOOO thankful to Him 1st and Foremost.....Then we are to those who are in our church family.

Sincerely,
Templedweller
 
Upvote 0

If Not For Grace

Legend-but then so's Keith Richards
Feb 4, 2005
28,116
2,268
Curtis Loew's House w/Kid Rock & Hank III
Visit site
✟61,998.00
Gender
Female
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Churches take their "numbers" very seriously, and when a formerly "visible" member leaves it often causes talk.
Don't worry about it. I go to churches like restaurants, ever having been spiritually abused by one myself. I have one or two places I go very regularly and every now and then I force myself to try something new and different or I go back to a former "home" church.

I'm glad churches are not like husbands, I can have many. Go where you are taught...and where you can serve. Good luck.
 
Upvote 0
S

spinto

Regular Member
Jun 26, 2003
451
51
43
Texas
✟850.00
Faith
Pagan
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Libertarian


I think it's because a church environment aquaints other people (church members) with your family in a very personal way. I think that creates a feeling of intamacy among church members that really isn't there. So, when you leave for whatever reason, you automatically become this kind of trader in the church's eyes. Everyone is whiplashed back to the reality that they are indeed not part of your family and you sometimes have to deviate from the flock.

Have you thought of holding church at home with just your family? It would be a good family bonding experience... Just you all and the Bible... Maybe you should try it.
 
Upvote 0
R

Rosebaronet

Active Member
May 18, 2006
232
13
Riverside
Visit site
✟22,926.00
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Green
From a very practical point of view, the more member a church has, the more money it brings, and the more money it has, the more things it can do. So churches are careful in safeguarding it membership, some went too far and stoop to psychological manipulation, which is really disgusting.
 
Upvote 0

EIChief

The Brain
Apr 12, 2004
1,218
77
52
Pittsburgh
Visit site
✟24,267.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
There is no place in the Church for this kind of attitude toward former members. Those churches that look to greed and pride as their motivators will offer you very little growth anyway, so if this is the attitude you get when you leave then you are better to be in a different congregation
 
Upvote 0
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Charlie Kirk’s martyrdom is bringing my generation back to church
Replies
0
Views
83
Current News & Events (Articles Required)
Michie
Annunciation Catholic church shooting victim returns to school: 'Feeling stronger every day'
Replies
1
Views
106
Current News & Events (Articles Required)
RileyG
Where Do Homosexual Activists Want the Church to Go?
Replies
2
Views
132
One Bread, One Body - Catholic
chevyontheriver
Why Can’t Women Be Priests In The Catholic Church?
Replies
0
Views
61
One Bread, One Body - Catholic
Michie
M
Getting past heartbreak / not trying to save people
Replies
8
Views
716
General Struggles
Godcrazy
Menu
Log in
Register