4 Years ago I moved back into my parents home after being out of their home for 30 years. I decided that I would put my life on hold to take care of my mother while she is dealing with colon cancer and to try to make every attempt that she live a healthy positive life while she deals with cancer and the treatments involved with this.
At 19 I ran away from home and devastated my mother as I later found out. Our family situation was absolutely horrible and nothing that I wanted to be involved in anymore. My dad was a police officer and brought his work home with him everyday. He never physically hit my mother, but his mouth assaulted her hourly. He belittled her and the rest of my family every chance that he got. Back in the 60s and 70s it was very appropriate to use the belt as a tool of discipline when we supposedly did not do as where instructed. The metal portion of the belt was used frequently and it was not a mere spanking, it was purely a beating. I grew up being told constantly I would never amount to anything, how stupid we all were, and a variety of other names that were constantly slung towards us.
Thus I chose to move in with my Grandmother, 1500 miles away. She provided me with a wonderful, loving, and safe environment. I became a christian and learned to love God and became a very good christian. I was at peace with myself and learned that I was a good person and that God had many plans for me in my life. I lived in the midwest all of my life until the last four years when I chose to move back to help my mom.
It took tremendous prayer to even consider moving back in with them well knowing the hostile environment that I would be dealing with. I just knew that I could get Mom better and give her some outlook and be a positive attitude for her and someone to lean on.
The first year was fine and each day of building moms esteem up was met with Dads poor attitude but I was successful. There have been 3 big operations to beat this cancer and many ups and downs. But she is a strong woman and is my hero for everything that she has endured in life.
My attitude, Christianity has just been horrible in the last 1.5 years. I have such an apathetic attitude and just cannot Honor Thy Father. His relentless daily assaults have torn my insides out. The verbal abuse is just too much to handle anymore and my feelings have turned to hatred and disgust. I continue to pray and pray in hopes that God will intervene someday in this matter.
Dad and his mood swings, competitiveness with mom as to who is sicker, (he is perfectly healthy), and the verbal assaults and his constant demand for attention have driven my hatred more engrained in my soul. Mom and I have attempted many many times to sit him down and discuss every issues with him, but he always manages to skirt the blame to someone else and go on the defensive stating that we are either crazy or have assaulted him.
As God as my witness I have never said anything to him with the exception of a couple of weeks ago I called him a jackass for his behavior towards mom when she had some severe side effects to the treatment that she is taking.
I am at my wits end, I feel useless, not productive, depressed, and dont feel that God wants to answer me. I just need someone to talk to, someone to pray with.. Any advice or prayers would be helpful!
God Bless
At 19 I ran away from home and devastated my mother as I later found out. Our family situation was absolutely horrible and nothing that I wanted to be involved in anymore. My dad was a police officer and brought his work home with him everyday. He never physically hit my mother, but his mouth assaulted her hourly. He belittled her and the rest of my family every chance that he got. Back in the 60s and 70s it was very appropriate to use the belt as a tool of discipline when we supposedly did not do as where instructed. The metal portion of the belt was used frequently and it was not a mere spanking, it was purely a beating. I grew up being told constantly I would never amount to anything, how stupid we all were, and a variety of other names that were constantly slung towards us.
Thus I chose to move in with my Grandmother, 1500 miles away. She provided me with a wonderful, loving, and safe environment. I became a christian and learned to love God and became a very good christian. I was at peace with myself and learned that I was a good person and that God had many plans for me in my life. I lived in the midwest all of my life until the last four years when I chose to move back to help my mom.
It took tremendous prayer to even consider moving back in with them well knowing the hostile environment that I would be dealing with. I just knew that I could get Mom better and give her some outlook and be a positive attitude for her and someone to lean on.
The first year was fine and each day of building moms esteem up was met with Dads poor attitude but I was successful. There have been 3 big operations to beat this cancer and many ups and downs. But she is a strong woman and is my hero for everything that she has endured in life.
My attitude, Christianity has just been horrible in the last 1.5 years. I have such an apathetic attitude and just cannot Honor Thy Father. His relentless daily assaults have torn my insides out. The verbal abuse is just too much to handle anymore and my feelings have turned to hatred and disgust. I continue to pray and pray in hopes that God will intervene someday in this matter.
Dad and his mood swings, competitiveness with mom as to who is sicker, (he is perfectly healthy), and the verbal assaults and his constant demand for attention have driven my hatred more engrained in my soul. Mom and I have attempted many many times to sit him down and discuss every issues with him, but he always manages to skirt the blame to someone else and go on the defensive stating that we are either crazy or have assaulted him.
As God as my witness I have never said anything to him with the exception of a couple of weeks ago I called him a jackass for his behavior towards mom when she had some severe side effects to the treatment that she is taking.
I am at my wits end, I feel useless, not productive, depressed, and dont feel that God wants to answer me. I just need someone to talk to, someone to pray with.. Any advice or prayers would be helpful!
God Bless