Can I have some advice from you married folk?

From a guy who used to flirt before being a Christian. Take the previous advice dont go. A flirt is a flirt is a flirt and a flirt is not interested in a friendship. A married man flirting with you = wanting more than just what is at home.

Peace,

uniqute said:

Thanks again everyone who has commented. Seems I am much more naive than I thought

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Oh, its o.k. your still a babe yet wait another 10 or 20 years.

you have received great advice here, and I agree, I would respectfully decline.

Don't do it, flirting comments over AIM can become stage one of an affair. He's married so definitely only be around him when his wife is there but even then if you think he is flirting with you then stop being around him.

uniqute said:

Hi eveyone

I've got a question, and I figured you married folk would be the best to ask!

This guy who I used to work with got made redundant the other day, it was a complete surprise to all of us, and he pretty much left without saying anything to anyone.

I get along well with this guy at work, and we swapped instant messenger addresses a while back as well (his idea, not mine). There have been a few times though when some of the commments he makes (in a joking way) are a bit inappropriate. He's basically a bit of a flirt, but I've made it pretty clear where I stand. He is also not a christian, he's married with a kid, and he's about 10 years older than me. I am a christian (obviously, or I wouldn't be posting here!), and I'm single.

Now, just to make sure I'm being clear - there is no way I'd ever consider getting involved with this guy. I would like to be able to be friends with him though. He wants to have lunch with me sometime, which seemed fine to me - but a couple of my friends have suggested that maybe its not a good idea.

So now I'm confused

What do you all think? Does it seem ok? Would you wives mind if it was your husband? Or would the husbands think it was ok for them? And if y'all think its better I dont go to lunch with him, how do you think I can best explain why?

Thanks!

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So your husband comes home and says he's been talking to this girl at work. She flirts with him, and sometimes she says things that make him feel like she's testing the waters. He has told her he's married, but she doesn't really mind, they laugh, tell jokes, bump in the hall, then he wants to take her out for lunch. Could you tell me how you'd feel?

Being a guy, perhaps I have a different take on relationship dynamics. Having been the guy pursuing an inappropriate relationship, I also know that there are some 'techniques' that can be used, and being married is seen as more of a challenge. Honestly if you play with fire you will burn yourself.

Svt4Him said:

So your husband comes home and says he's been talking to this girl at work. She flirts with him, and sometimes she says things that make him feel like she's testing the waters. He has told her he's married, but she doesn't really mind, they laugh, tell jokes, bump in the hall, then he wants to take her out for lunch. Could you tell me how you'd feel?

Being a guy, perhaps I have a different take on relationship dynamics. Having been the guy pursuing an inappropriate relationship, I also know that there are some 'techniques' that can be used, and being married is seen as more of a challenge. Honestly if you play with fire you will burn yourself.

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Good post. I'd have to agree, nix the relationship with any member of the opposite sex who thinks flirting with another wwhile married is ok. It leads to trouble.

uniqute said:

I get along well with this guy at work, and we swapped instant messenger addresses a while back as well (his idea, not mine). There have been a few times though when some of the commments he makes (in a joking way) are a bit inappropriate. He's basically a bit of a flirt, but I've made it pretty clear where I stand...

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Yes, and he's made it clear where he stands, too. He wants an ongoing flirtation with you. If you meet him for lunch, he will assume you've got the same goal. You may have told him otherwise in words, but if you continue to have contact with him anyway, he will view that as encouragement.

uniqute said:

He wants to have lunch with me sometime, which seemed fine to me - but a couple of my friends have suggested that maybe its not a good idea.

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I can't say that it's always wrong to have lunch with a man you work with, but I do think it's wrong to have lunch with this man. If you continue to see (= "encourage") him, at some point he may expect things from you that you absolutely can't give. He'll be offended that you "led him on," you'll be upset that he misunderstood you, and who knows if the fallout will reach his wife and child. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you just refuse all further communication with him (politely if possible, bluntly if necessary).

you know: these are interesting posts...

i have been the single sister, in the EXACT same situation, w/a married man asking me to eat lunch w/him, and him being flirtatious... & i cringe at how naive i was.. i shudder... oooohhhhggghhhh...

the posts of: ask the wife, are great ones. then, you will see, if this guy has the same flirtatious manner in front of his wife, as he does w/you without.. that's a HUGE flag of rubber meeting the road. because if he is NOT flirtatious around his wife, then he feels what he is doing is wrong..or his wife has put his attention to it in the past and was not pleased--and you don't want to be displeasing his wife...

what is not right about this whole thing, is that he's really not as smooth as my guy was folks: your guy had to make it a point, to try to set a date w/ya. usually, w/your co-workers, there are a few at work, all folks are sitting around, and "i'm hungry, are you hungry? yeah, let's go grab a bite... you like chinese? there's one down the street.. great! your car or mine? do you think we can make the 25 min deadline? RUN!" and you are just co-workers grabbing a bite to eat. no one had to plan. no one did an official invitation.. not so w/this guy. the way he is asking, and you getting time to think about this??

THIS IS A DATE. RUN!!!!!!

you aren't saying this, but i have been there.. i got a tingle around this flirter. i was pleased that he was flirting w/me?? little ole me?? the prude?? the one at work everybody calls the near-nun?? are you really giving me this attention?? & because it is a need all women have, to feel desired, and to be loved, then my "friendship" w/this guy dragged me hook line and sinker. i have a good ending. i wised up. i started to avoid him like the plague, and even hid in rooms when i saw him coming down the corridor, and eventually all went well, and i eased up (God changed my shift in my job).. someone else accused him of sexual harrassment months after he realized he needed to leave me alone before i would..& to this day i say "whew.. that was a close one"...

so, this be my story. take it for what it's worth..