Oh boy. . . the best way that comes to mind to answer your question is to share with you what God showed me in a series of mental visions during times of prayer several years ago over the space of a few months. They were sequential, showing me my progress in my spiritual life. . and did I have a lot of wrong ideas of what it meant to be spiritually mature . .
First Vision:
I was on a narrow, rough path in a forest, but I was coming to the end of the forest, and the path began to get easier, wider, and the dense, gnarled trees and branches gave way to lighter trees, spaced further and futher apart.
Soon, I had reached the end of the forest, and the path continued on through a huge grassy field, well kept, on a bright sunlit day, not a cloud in the sky, with cultivated trees at various places and rolling hills in the distance. What a beautifyl place. . .
Off in the distance, I saw a huge, gigantic wall that I could barely make out as being round, but it was so huge it went from side to side a great distance, and I realized it enveloped a huge area of land. It was immensily tall. The path I was on led towards it way off in the distance. I knew that what was on the other side of that wall was what I had been seeking with all my heart . . perfect union with God, living in the fulness of His Spirit (a taste of which He had given me some time before).
I was eager to continue and arrive at the wall as fast as I could. . I knew my hearts desire was on the othr side of that wall and once there, I would have all I desired in God.
The end of the First Vision
The Second Vision several weeks later:
The sun was shining as before on the beutiful green fields, and I was hurrying down the path delighting in all that was around me; yet even though I had made great progress, the wall was still a long ways off . . But now I could see that the path did indeed run right up to the wall and end there. Where it ended was a door, which looked so small and tiny in comparison to the size of the wall, which looked even more immense than it had before. The wall stretched out it seemed forever on either side.
All my intent and purpose was to arrive at that door and pass through it as fast as I could, for I knew all I desired was on the there side of that wall, that once there I would enter into the depths of God as I had hardly dared to dream of.
end of the 2nd vision.
The Third Vision:
The day was still beautiful, the fields so wondefully green. I was so much closer now, I could see that it wouldn't be much futher before I would be at the door. All my heart longed for what I knew was there, my God was there in His fulness. I was focused on getting to the wall and passing through it soon as I could.
While hurrying down the path, I became aware of a group of people praying and worshipping God off a ways to the left. They appeared to have such joy and love, enraptured it seemed with God. I stopped to watch. It seemed to be all I was looking for, and it puzzled me as I understood what I was looking for was to be found behind the wall, not out here in the feld.
But as I watched, eventually, their worship came to an end, and they started saying to each other "Man, wasn't that good!" "Yeah, God was so great!" "Did you feel that?!" "Amen" ect "Hey, you want to get some lunch?" "Sure!" . . . I saw them pat each other on the back and walk off with in small groups as they returned to their lives back in the city (which was beyond my sight), and I realized that as much as they had entered into worship and joy, they had come away from this experience little changed, and I realized how superficial it had actually been.
I realized this was NOT what I was seeking and that I had tarried longer than I should have. I turned back to continue down the path, and suddenly I felt a pang of fear . . the path was gone!
Somehow, while watching thse people, I had moved off the path towards them and now I couldn't even see it!
I ran back in the direction I had come from seeking the path . . Finally, to my great relief, I found it and started towards the wall determined that nothing would deter me from my purpose again.
As I approached the wall, I could see where the path ended, but the door was gone! There were a few others at the wall looking for the door. . .
I was distraught, I felt as if my hope had been taken from me, I was distressed, I did not know how I was going to get to the other side of the wall, but I knew I must. No matter how hard I looked, I could not find the door. I began to dispair.
The end of the 3rd Vision.
Between the 3rd and 4th vision, I expereinced this sense of dispair in my life, a deep hunger for full union with God knowing that these visions were paralleling my life, I sought after God with all that was within me, afraid that I may not be allowed to attain what the wall and what it contained represented . . several weeks went by in prayer beseaching God.
The Fourth Vision
I was at the wall where the path ended, and the door was there, just like it had been before.
With intense purpose and relief, I opened the door and walked through - the wall was so massive it was like walking through a tunnel.
I came out on the other side and the path continued forward. There were many plants between knee and shoulder height stretching as far as I could see to the left and right, and the path narrowed to go between them. . . . I hurried down the path.
After a while, the plants ended . . .. and I stopped dead in my tracks in utter disbelief.
In front of me stretched a great, measurless expanse of desert with no end in sight, and the path went right into it.
I said "No God!" "You can't be serious!" "This can't be what you are asking of me!" I was distraught. I had entered the wall thinking I was going to come into the presence of God in all His glory, into the fulness God has for His Children. But what faced me instead was a desert . . a huge, measureless, vast expanse of desert.
As I stood there, looking on in disbelief, I realized that what I was longing for was at the other end of this desert, and that to reach it, I had to pass through the desert.
"No" I said . . "Not this! There must be some other way!"
I ran back through the plants to the wall. I then saw that a path that ran along side the wall, between the wall and the plants, going off in either direction from the path I was on. . . . The wall hardly had a visible curve to it, it enclosed such an immense area.
I thought, "what if I take this path, it will take me along the wall to the other side and it will be pleasant enough, and I won't have to go through the desert!"
But after considering this, I realized that it would be virtualy impossible, for it would take so long to traverse the edge of the desert along the wall, I would in all likelyhood, never make it.
I stood there in despair, knowing I had one choice if I wanted to attain that which I sought . . .
End of the 4th Vision
Weeks went by as I struggled with what God had shown me. This was seemed so difficult, that my hopes had been dashed, how could I enter this terrible desert and subject myself to this willingly?
Finally, after much prayer, I realized that if I wanted to seek God's face, not just His hand, I had to enter this desert, alone . . I had to take the path God had laid out in front of me, even though it meant that what I had hoped would be mine at that momment was still something far off in the distance and reached only through such a difficult journey . . .
I realized that as green and as beautiful as the fields I had left in the vision, where people did worship God with joy, as wonderful as the extraordinary spiritual experiences God had allowed me to have, all this could never satisfy the deep longing in my heart.
I wantd nothing less than the very face of God.
I finally resigned myself to the reality God had shown me, that if I truly wanted what I seeking, the only way was to go forward . . . through the desert.
The Fifth Vision
I turned my back to the door in the wall, never to look back again, left the wall and folllowed the path into the desert . . . . . . . .
End of the Fifth Vision
From Glory to Glory, I have been in the desert ever since. It has been years. I may be there for the rest of my life.
But, Oh! It is such a beautiful place! I long to be nowhere else, for this is where one learns to die to self and rest in God, to enter into real, true intimacy with God.
I no longer desire to hurry along to what my heart has desired. I have learned to trust God and His timing. The desert is a lonely place until you realize that it is
an alone place for you and God. It is the place where God brings you closer to Himself, where your relationship becomes more intimate with God. To do this, all distractions have to be removed, including spiritual experiences. And so, the desert is where one learns to stop seeking the Hand of God and to truly seek His Face.
The desert is not without its spiritual experiences, for there are oasis' along the way, but one comes to depend on them less and less . . .
It no longer matters to me whether I have great spiritual experiences or whether I see power of God's hand at work. The mountaintop and the valley are the same, for God is in both.
I no longer seek spiritual experiences, because they can be distracting to one seeking the Face of God.
And as far as spiritual maturity, I am sure that there were many who thought I was quite spiritually mature before I started through the desert given all the ways God had worked in and through me. We tend to confuse the power of God with spiritual maturity . . there is no connection whatseover. Just because God works powerfully through someone, that doesn't say one thing about their spiritual maturity.
When I entered the desert, I began to realize that I had been very wrong about how far I had actually progressed in the spiritual life. I had thought I had nerely come to the end, to a state of spiritual matuirty, that I had nearly arrived . . . .
I discovered that, after 20 some years of spiritually walking, on and off, in the power of the Holy Spiirt, and of intensely walking in His power for about a year or so,
I had barely begun to toddle . . . .
I discovered I was only at the beginning and had hardly matured spiritually at all. That was quite a revelation.
The desert is a place of maturing in the spiritual life, without dependence on what are known as spiritual consolations, those spiritual experiences we can become so dependent on to affirm for us that we are God's.
God wants to rid us of our dependence on the gifts He gives us; He wants to ween us from seeking His Hand . . He wants us to turn from seeking His Hand to seeking His Face.
The only place this can be done is in the desert. And in the desert, He will remove His consolations, these spiritual experiences, and our spiritual life will become very, very dry . . . this is so we turn from seeking them to seeking Him alone.
This dryness you are experiencing is a taste of this desert . . . ..
God is inviting you to enter . . . . .
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