ocd compulsion 1: do not brush teeth for some days
that is bad for the teeth.
the compulsion due to thoughts without will, is changed to
ocd compulsion 2: brush teeth everytime you go out.
I ended up being anxious to brush my teeth before going out everytime.
due to some old ocd compulsions, and while I let my brain free to think what it wants with no caring what it comes to my brain, some thoughts popped up "make a promise to God not to be anxious about brushing teeth" that was a thought without my will but somehow affected me. on the same time, it relieved me cause thanks to this new compulsion I stoped worrying about always brushing my teeth and I felt free.
one day, I was anxious about cleaning my ears in an ocd way and ocd popped up
ocd: due to the new thoughts are not you supposed to never be anxious about brushing teeth, cleaning ears etc?
I got so anxious that I randomly said to ocd or to myself stuff like
me: that only counts for brushing teeth (it was a random thought probably without my will that it happened automatically)
everytime, my ocd was giving me worries about the old ocd compulsion about brushing teeth everytime I go out, automatically I was reminded about thew new compulsion which was not to be anxious about brushing teeth, that somehow ended up being "brush teeth morning or night, only 2 times per day"
I knew they were thoughts without my will, but since that new compulsion was not forcing me to always brush my teeth more than 2 times, I was so relieved and free and carefree.
and what made the new compulsion stronger, was the random thoughts, without my will, that popped up in my head "the promise counts only for brushing teeth" which it made me so worry. I was trying to relieve myself that moment and automatically that words popped up. well amost... it was like as if someone saying "the promise is valid only for the stuff about brushing teeth" which is maybe like validating the thoughts. since the thoughts were without his will, maybe it is like validating or accepting the unwanted thoughts.
days passed, and I was so carefree for not having to always brush my teeth thanks to the new compulsion. one day, I forgot to wash my teeth in the morning. it was miday, and in the last days, thanks to the new compulsion, I was avoiding washing teeth in miday since I had already washed them in morning.
dilemma!
ocd 1: everytime you go out no matter what it is. miday,morning, night, you must always brush teeth
ocd 2: you must brush teeth only 2 times. and that must be only morning and night.
what should I do? brush my teeth on miday or not? doing one of the two compulsion, is automatically, like going against the other ocd compulsion of the two. maybe. these were some thoughts that popped up in that moment.
I start analyzing both compulsion and what created them. I did not remember much. but the ocd 2 compulsion which was about "not wash them in miday, do not be anxious about it, it only counts for brushing teeth" was easier not to obey it, because it was new and since I was new, I knew and I would remember better and confirm that the thoughts were without my will.
ocd 1 compulsion was older and I could not remember much about it. so I decided it is better obeying an old compulsion that I do not remember a lot about it, than going against a newer compulsion that I can confirm almost 100% that the thoughts were thoughts without my will.
I decided to wash my teeth at miday, in order to count as if I wash them for skipping the morning wash. I did the ocd compulsion 1.
thanks to the ocd compulsion 2, ocd started giving me worries for not doing the compulsion 2.
ocd: why you brushed your teeth at miday? remember the thoughts that relieved you? remember the thoughts that you said to yourself? "it only counts for the brushing teeth" maybe that phrase made the thoughts valid to God.
I remember saying that phrase but I was not praying I think. I just randomly said it to myself to stop him worrying. it was like
ocd: why you are anxious about cleaning ears? you should not be cause you may have made a promise to God not to be anxious about cleaning ears, brushing teeth etc.
which was all thoughts without my will but instead of ignoring ocd, I said to it stuff like
me: it only counts for brushing teeth not about cleaning ears. (it was a random fast thought-reply to myself or to my ocd. I did not mean it. and it was probably, without my will to relieve myself.
does the way I reacted to that, maybe has made the compulsion/promise to God valid?
that is bad for the teeth.
the compulsion due to thoughts without will, is changed to
ocd compulsion 2: brush teeth everytime you go out.
I ended up being anxious to brush my teeth before going out everytime.
due to some old ocd compulsions, and while I let my brain free to think what it wants with no caring what it comes to my brain, some thoughts popped up "make a promise to God not to be anxious about brushing teeth" that was a thought without my will but somehow affected me. on the same time, it relieved me cause thanks to this new compulsion I stoped worrying about always brushing my teeth and I felt free.
one day, I was anxious about cleaning my ears in an ocd way and ocd popped up
ocd: due to the new thoughts are not you supposed to never be anxious about brushing teeth, cleaning ears etc?
I got so anxious that I randomly said to ocd or to myself stuff like
me: that only counts for brushing teeth (it was a random thought probably without my will that it happened automatically)
everytime, my ocd was giving me worries about the old ocd compulsion about brushing teeth everytime I go out, automatically I was reminded about thew new compulsion which was not to be anxious about brushing teeth, that somehow ended up being "brush teeth morning or night, only 2 times per day"
I knew they were thoughts without my will, but since that new compulsion was not forcing me to always brush my teeth more than 2 times, I was so relieved and free and carefree.
and what made the new compulsion stronger, was the random thoughts, without my will, that popped up in my head "the promise counts only for brushing teeth" which it made me so worry. I was trying to relieve myself that moment and automatically that words popped up. well amost... it was like as if someone saying "the promise is valid only for the stuff about brushing teeth" which is maybe like validating the thoughts. since the thoughts were without his will, maybe it is like validating or accepting the unwanted thoughts.
days passed, and I was so carefree for not having to always brush my teeth thanks to the new compulsion. one day, I forgot to wash my teeth in the morning. it was miday, and in the last days, thanks to the new compulsion, I was avoiding washing teeth in miday since I had already washed them in morning.
dilemma!
ocd 1: everytime you go out no matter what it is. miday,morning, night, you must always brush teeth
ocd 2: you must brush teeth only 2 times. and that must be only morning and night.
what should I do? brush my teeth on miday or not? doing one of the two compulsion, is automatically, like going against the other ocd compulsion of the two. maybe. these were some thoughts that popped up in that moment.
I start analyzing both compulsion and what created them. I did not remember much. but the ocd 2 compulsion which was about "not wash them in miday, do not be anxious about it, it only counts for brushing teeth" was easier not to obey it, because it was new and since I was new, I knew and I would remember better and confirm that the thoughts were without my will.
ocd 1 compulsion was older and I could not remember much about it. so I decided it is better obeying an old compulsion that I do not remember a lot about it, than going against a newer compulsion that I can confirm almost 100% that the thoughts were thoughts without my will.
I decided to wash my teeth at miday, in order to count as if I wash them for skipping the morning wash. I did the ocd compulsion 1.
thanks to the ocd compulsion 2, ocd started giving me worries for not doing the compulsion 2.
ocd: why you brushed your teeth at miday? remember the thoughts that relieved you? remember the thoughts that you said to yourself? "it only counts for the brushing teeth" maybe that phrase made the thoughts valid to God.
I remember saying that phrase but I was not praying I think. I just randomly said it to myself to stop him worrying. it was like
ocd: why you are anxious about cleaning ears? you should not be cause you may have made a promise to God not to be anxious about cleaning ears, brushing teeth etc.
which was all thoughts without my will but instead of ignoring ocd, I said to it stuff like
me: it only counts for brushing teeth not about cleaning ears. (it was a random fast thought-reply to myself or to my ocd. I did not mean it. and it was probably, without my will to relieve myself.
does the way I reacted to that, maybe has made the compulsion/promise to God valid?