arranged marriages

Periann · Feb 5, 2004

Well, in most countries where arranged marriages are the norm, the reason you don't see as high divorce rates is because it is considered very taboo. I know people who have had their marriages arranged for them, and in every case they did get some say in who they wanted to marry. My parents would never choose a person for me who they felt were incapable of making me happy (at least I hope so). If I dont find a spouse for myself before 30 I would go to my parents and ask them to find me someone, I dont see anything too wrong with it, but I would prefer that it wouldnt have to come to that point.

stray bullet · Feb 5, 2004

klewlis said:
well, let's put it this way. My dad would pick somebody who enjoys jetskis and sitting in front of the tv drinking beer

Hmm, does he have a daughter like him??

klewlis · Feb 5, 2004

stray bullet said:
Hmm, does he have a daughter like him??

no, he sure doesn't. why, is that what you're looking for?

i'm his only daughter.

well, technically he now has two step-daughters but i've never met them and they are only about 10-12 years old or something like that.

Kaylynn · Feb 5, 2004

To answer the first question...I honestly would let my parents choose...if it were way back when. As it is now, I have my dad or older brother scan em as it is....if my brother or dad don't like the guy, they aren't for me...because both my dad and older brother know my taste exactly. my brother and me are really close so he'd be able to tell right away if someone would be good for me or if we totally wouldn't go good together...

fishstix · Feb 6, 2004

I think there is a difference in letting one's parents choose and letting them approve/disapprove of your choice. I'm all for having parents give opinions and advice or even suggesting possibilities, but I don't think that the actual choice should belong to the parents. The choice should belong to the two people who are going to have to spend their lives together as a married couple. Thus, I would be very uncomfortable with the idea of an arranged marriage.

A thought - if someone's parents force them to marry someone who they don't want to (or at a time when they don't want to), it's almost like the parents are arranging to have their child raped...

KeilCoppes · Feb 6, 2004

klewlis said:
My mom would do a little better.... She'd try to find someone who is like me but that would backfire and I'd probably end up with someone shallow and boring.

Hope that makes you interesting and concerned about the deeper things of life! (and prayerfully you see such go by!)

(Of course that could mean that the guys should watch out lest they fail to successfully meet your entertainment standards... and possibly fall into the boring department. Hmmm - I'd guess that you're a very active person, then?)

-kc

klewlis · Feb 6, 2004

KeilCoppes said:
Hope that makes you interesting and concerned about the deeper things of life! (and prayerfully you see such go by!)

(Of course that could mean that the guys should watch out lest they fail to successfully meet your entertainment standards... and possibly fall into the boring department. Hmmm - I'd guess that you're a very active person, then?)

-kc

hm, I *hope* I'm interesting. lol. I'm definitely not shallow.

As for "boring", I didn't mean in an activity sense--I am an active person but what's more important is what's going on inside a person's head. If that is interesting to me then I will never get bored with anything that the person does.

KeilCoppes · Feb 6, 2004

klewlis said:
hm, I *hope* I'm interesting. lol. I'm definitely not shallow.

As for "boring", I didn't mean in an activity sense--I am an active person but what's more important is what's going on inside a person's head. If that is interesting to me then I will never get bored with anything that the person does.

A wry smile from this end - "Boring" is an odd concern for me - how do you respond to something that you've never been able to understand? I've never understood it - maybe that's because I was always doing something growing up, whether there were people around or not. It became impossible to get bored as I could always make up something to do, even if all I had to do was sit back and design the world!

-kc

--------
Instructions for imagination:

Coppes kids (only young): What should I do? There's nothing to do.
Mom: Go outside and do something. Make something up. You'll figure it out. :^)

klewlis · Feb 6, 2004

Again, I don't mean boring in an activity sense. I mean, can we carry on an interesting conversation about any topic that happens to come up? Is there more to him than simply cars and sports? Do his mind and personality fascinate me?

If I can answer yes to those questions then it doesn't matter if we go out and do something exciting or if we stay home and read... it's the mental companionship that does it for me. My best friends are those whose minds I can probe and who continue to surprise me no matter how long I know them.

Periann · Feb 6, 2004

fishstix said:
I think there is a difference in letting one's parents choose and letting them approve/disapprove of your choice. I'm all for having parents give opinions and advice or even suggesting possibilities, but I don't think that the actual choice should belong to the parents. The choice should belong to the two people who are going to have to spend their lives together as a married couple. Thus, I would be very uncomfortable with the idea of an arranged marriage.

A thought - if someone's parents force them to marry someone who they don't want to (or at a time when they don't want to), it's almost like the parents are arranging to have their child raped...

I dont think that I would go to such extremes, but I understand where you are coming from. It is difficult for Americans and Europeans to understand the concept of arranged marriages because they are so obsolete and also since parents do not carry as much authority as they do in other areas.

How about if your parents introduced you to some guy (or gal) then you decided you like him, and if you didnt then you would tell your parents. But your parents decide which boys you are allowed to look at, after researching all relevant factors. I would classify that as an arranged marriage but based on better terms than having your parents force you with someone. I wouldnt mind if it was done that way (at least I dont think I would!)

KeilCoppes · Feb 6, 2004

klewlis said:
Again, I don't mean boring in an activity sense. I mean, can we carry on an interesting conversation about any topic that happens to come up? Is there more to him than simply cars and sports? Do his mind and personality fascinate me?

... it doesn't matter if we go out and do something exciting or if we stay home and read...

Huzzah - I get it! On the other side of the fence, and as a master of the deep wonders of the everyday in creation I just have to say...

...any woman that enjoys both activities and being home reading and sharing has my vote - I'm in shock - I thought they were all married to my friends years ago! (Of course, if they share an interest in just about everything there is, then that's attractive too. Having a deep and abiding passion for sports and cars would take a lot of time and effort to develop, though. I think I'd just have more fun watching someone who did. ) :^)

-kc

------
"Define the universe. Give two examples." -Anon

klewlis · Feb 7, 2004

KeilCoppes said:
...any woman that enjoys both activities and being home reading and sharing has my vote - I'm in shock - I thought they were all married to my friends years ago!

why thank you. I am such a woman.

Sign Of The Fish Burger · Feb 7, 2004

Oh my goodness no. And I know exactly who they wouold pick too. Because his parents AND mine bug us to get together.
I can say with confidence that Shawn adn I would kill eachother if married.

NO way heheheh

Breetai · Feb 7, 2004

*responding to the OP*
Sounds like fun to me! I gets rid of all the toil, hardship and heartbreak of dating. I just want the final say if I'll marry her or not.

stray bullet · Feb 7, 2004

klewlis said:
no, he sure doesn't. why, is that what you're looking for?

Only if she likes good beer

i'm his only daughter.

well, technically he now has two step-daughters but i've never met them and they are only about 10-12 years old or something like that.

An older gay son perhaps?

esseJ · Feb 8, 2004

I'd have to go with the consensus...I'd rather stay single than have my parents pick my wife...Then again, if they had the option of picking one for me they'd probably pass, because they know how I'd react to something like that...

As a parent...(my daughter is 18) I wouldn't wanna pick her spouse either...then again she probably wouldn't trust my decision any more than I'd trust my parents' decision...

So that's my HO coming from both sides...

arranged marriages

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