Any Alanon's here?

I have over 20 years in Al-Anon, It saved my life.

If I can help you with resources or any other information, let me know. I'm not here as often as I used to be, but feel free to PM me if you like

There are several Al-Anon Groups on FB, & on the web. They are no substitute for face to face meetings (a virtual hug is nice, but just not the same) but they are a great supplement tool many of us use.

Bless your heart, My Experience is that Nonner's are often in rougher shape than their alcoholic spouses when it comes to the other 2/3's. (Mental & Spiritual Maladies) Often Co-Dependent and VERY controlling, lots of perfectionism abounds..but loyal to the end.

In Al-Anon we believe as a result of Exposure to Active Alcoholism - " Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it." The Nonner is often as deep in denial as the Alcoholic ever was.

If you are working a 12-step program you know one of the quickest paths to misery is to try to live your life to suit another person. You loose yourself if you do it for very long. LIVE & Let live comes to mind. I found putting the emphasis on the first part helps me complete the second part with little effort. Keep the focus on you and your recovery. If you owe an amends make it, but this does not mean you keep paying for the REST of your life for the same deed over and over and over. We do not become the slaves of those to whom amends are owed. We no longer live our lives in bondage to any man nor man make thing. We make amends and move forward. It is up to the other person to accept or reject the amends, but we make the offer & follow through.

If you understand the Step One and powerlessness, you know we are powerless over others (even our spouses & Children). While kindness and service/charity begin at home and are not precluded here..we have to Stop bearing the burden of trying to be the source of everyone's happiness (people pleasing). Each individual's task is to BE happy and even though we cherish our spouses; we just have to leave that task to them.

The BB (which is outlawed by Al-anon groups today as non-CAL, thank God it was not when I came in way bk when : ) ) tells us "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free." You can only set about doing that. You can invite your wife to open meetings or program social functions with you, perhaps there she will meet other wives who do participate in Al-Anon or Celebrate Recovery or the like and she might find a kindred fellowship with these women appealing.

Recovery is a lot like Church attendance, little is gained if force fed. All you can do is plant the seed and lead by example. Some examples QTIP (Quit taking it Personally) and there is no need to JADE (Justify Argue Defend nor Explain) (Let your yes be yes, & no be no, etc) are used in Al-Anon with regard to the Alcoholic and I think they apply to the untreated Al-Anon as well. All you can do is plant the seed and pray to God that her heart and mind be open to God's Will for her and that God help you be willing to help her as He directs. I shall join you in that prayer for her. <3




Enjoying our good days doesn't mean we're being disloyal to loved ones who are having problems. We don't have to make ourselves feel guilty because other people aren't having a good day. We don't have to make ourselves miserable to be like them. They can have their day and their feelings; we can have ours.