another quick question???

joeman1 · Jul 2, 2004

How many of you guys have decided to put off the whole dating scene untill God shows you the right one? second question is this I have been hearing a lot here recently instead of dating to pursueing courtship. My question is what exactly is courtship?

Chris from TN · Jul 2, 2004

if you refuse to date, you'll never meet the right one, or she'll pass right by you.

I think the courtship thing is just a reference to only dating people you'd seriously consider marrying. It's just a matter of semantics (that I happen to agree with, for the most part).

Personally, I prefer to get to know women before I get to 'dating' them, but most women don't care for that for some reason.

joeman1 · Jul 2, 2004

If i am understanding this correctly courship is getting to know the person in a deeper manner than dating

MrsGnomeCrusher · Jul 2, 2004

Chris from TN said:
if you refuse to date, you'll never meet the right one, or she'll pass right by you.

I disagree.

I've heard of many stories of people just going about their whole thing, not really dating for whatever reason. All of the sudden someone comes into their lives and there they are.

I've tried dating and it proved to do nothing but to break my heart. I've put it in God's hands now. Can't do any worse than I did.

I'd rather feel something a bit more special than one of many girls on a rotation in and out of your life.

If I met someone, I may go out on one date with them. I can usually get a pretty good feel at that point. If it's a bad feeling, there's no sense of continue seeing this person. It's not going to lead to courtship. I won't contiue to date that person because no one better comes along. No dating for the sake of dating.

Injured Soldier · Jul 2, 2004

I don't even believe that there is such a thing as "the right one". In my brief and painful history dating, as well as my reading of the Bible, I've come to the conclusion that there are wise choices and unwise choices. Jesus said that there are 3 reasons men (as in human beings) don't marry: some because they were born that way, some because men made them that way, and some for the sake of the kingdom of God. Notice he didn't say "or because the women that was the right one for him didn't meet his at the predestined time". The reason that subject came up is because the Pharisees raised the issue of divorce, and Jesus says marriage is hard on the grounds you cannot divorce except in the case of infidelity or death and get remarried again and not be committing adultery, not that you might get the wrong one!

This doesn't mean people are joking themselves if they say God sent them or told them to marry a certain person. From my bad memory, God told two men in the OT specifically where to find wives or who to marry. Issac was told how to find the one God wanted him to marry. And Hosea was told to marry a prostitute, even when that was an unwise choice, to show God's relationship to Israel. But that is two cases. That doesn't mean it is a universal law for everyone. Jesus and Paul's interpretation of marriage is a lot more sober than airy-fairy ideas of "the one" and God as the eternal matchmaker.

Not that I'm recommending you don't pray about it. Pray God gives you wisdom to chose a suitable partner for marriage, and love and respect to treat her right. Pray God will shape you into the person He wants you to be in all areas of your life, and you can't go wrong.

Stanfi · Jul 3, 2004

Chris from TN said:
if you refuse to date, you'll never meet the right one, or she'll pass right by you.

I will diagree here as well. When my last relationship fell apart it left me with a lot of confusion. I started several threads on CF trying to learn things. One of the things I learned is that most people met their SO, while just going about their life, and one day *bam* there they were.

I think if you live basically doing a constant "interviewing" process trying to find someone, you will exhaust yourself emotionally. Somethings we can do nothing about. It must be put in God's hands.

KeilCoppes · Jul 3, 2004

mrstace said:
I think if you live basically doing a constant "interviewing" process trying to find someone, you will exhaust yourself emotionally. Somethings we can do nothing about. It must be put in God's hands.

Good to see you again mrstace, it's been a while. I totally agree with you on putting your heart in God's hands - that is absolutely required in all things. Whatever we do, we must also commit it to God else we are standing on our own strength and will fall. It is the crushing of our standing on our dreams and expectations for self that causes the pain. Give God our dreams and expectations and stand on Him and the pain goes with it.

If you live for getting married, then you are not living. Or rather, you're living for yourself.

However I am a bit different with regard to what comes after that. Yes, God can send someone from wherever. I firmly believe that. However, I do keep my eyes open and try to meet people, but in my meeting people it is all an 'if God wills'. I have committed it to Him beforehand and as a result I have no expectation of what will turn out, or rather I expect a time of Christian fellowship - then is His blessing, and even if nothing comes of it, at least it will have been a time of Christian fellowship. I came from a recent relationship that way, and was blessed in it, although God did not have it work out.

(So I will again vote for the Mary Poppins method with modifications.)

Quiet Storm · Jul 3, 2004

I've never dated. At first I considered it to be to my dismay, but as I've grown in Christ I've considered it to be beneficial. I believe that the whole purpose of relationships is to find a husband or wife. Therefore, if one dates different people all the time what kind of progress could possibly be made? Call me corny, but I'm relying on God to bring me my "Eve". Now mind you I don't necessarily think that she'll plop from the sky and we'll be married on the spot )) but I believe divine intervention will play a key roll in how we meet. Therefore I'm not stressing over it.

Just my personal $0.02

Blank123 · Jul 3, 2004

I haven't dated yet, but then again I haven't really had an interest in dating until this last year or so. I wouldn't have a problem with going out tho, if I could find a nice christian guy.

Faith In God · Jul 3, 2004

Quiet Storm said:
I've never dated. At first I considered it to be to my dismay, but as I've grown in Christ I've considered it to be beneficial. I believe that the whole purpose of relationships is to find a husband or wife. Therefore, if one dates different people all the time what kind of progress could possibly be made? Call me corny, but I'm relying on God to bring me my "Eve". Now mind you I don't necessarily think that she'll plop from the sky and we'll be married on the spot )) but I believe divine intervention will play a key roll in how we meet. Therefore I'm not stressing over it.

Just my personal $0.02

good for you.

desi · Jul 3, 2004

joeman1 said:
How many of you guys have decided to put off the whole dating scene untill God shows you the right one?

This seems counter intuitive to me.

joeman1 said:
second question is this I have been hearing a lot here recently instead of dating to pursueing courtship. My question is what exactly is courtship?

Near as I can tell Courting is an eliteist term some Christians use to describe 'serious' dating. Old people also use it to refer to old school dating of holding hands and reciting poetry during quiet sultry evenings in the park under the gazebo.

hischildsindik · Jul 3, 2004

I don't date really persay. I've had a couple of lunches with a guy from church, we were supposed to catch up with the gang, but never caught up, so we had lunch and talked. Mostly I prefer to do group things, it's a good way to find out how they interact with people. Although I will admit liking to sit and talk a lot. I tend to be a talker.

I think God can bring your mate from anywhere at any time. He can even change the eyes of your heart and where once you looked at someone and never saw a potential for a mate, you now do. Once you let Jesus be Lord of all, if you continue to let Him work, there's nothing too big that he can not do in you... me. I praise God that nothing is too big or too small for Him!!!!

hischildsindik · Jul 3, 2004

Regarding the second question about courting, in college I learned that basically courting is more serious than dating, but not quite engaged.

seangoh · Jul 4, 2004

I know people put different meanings to dating and courtship but it's just all a matter of terminology of which i won't want to be too distrated about. My rule in life is to be socialble with people. Make the effort to go out with people and make new friends. One motivation for me is to win them to Christ so i allow myself to mix around.

Also, i think the idea of God having "the one" for you has serious flaws. Think about it, if let's say there's this girl who is supposed to be "the one" and now lives in another part of the country..imagine God would have to do everything it takes to protect her life so that she could meet you and you guys could be happily married. Now we all have a free choice right? So that means she could decide to commit suicide. Project this girl to the millions out there and each of them has a free choice to die. Imagine God has to work miracles to prevent them from dying just to match make them with a guy. Yup, so that's why i do not believe in "the one". Rather, i believe in what is called the will of God and God's wisdom. In the bible we see we are not to be unequally yoked with people. We can apply that one way in that we are to avoid marriage with a non-christian. So if we marry a christian, we know it is the will of God. IOW, we are working within the confines of the will of God that we marry a christian. So the girls you see in church, it is God's will(or approval) that you may marry one of them. So the next question is God's wisdom. We are to seek His wisdom in choosing who, among the girls in church(or in your life), is the most suitable.

So if you're resting on the idea that God has "the one" for you, stop doing so, because God is so much more flexible than that. He has so many others whom He approves to be with you. But ultimately, you have to seek God's wisdom to choose the most appropriate one.

Raanan · Jul 4, 2004

seangoh said:
I know people put different meanings to dating and courtship but it's just all a matter of terminology of which i won't want to be too distrated about. My rule in life is to be socialble with people. Make the effort to go out with people and make new friends. One motivation for me is to win them to Christ so i allow myself to mix around.

Also, i think the idea of God having "the one" for you has serious flaws. Think about it, if let's say there's this girl who is supposed to be "the one" and now lives in another part of the country..imagine God would have to do everything it takes to protect her life so that she could meet you and you guys could be happily married. Now we all have a free choice right? So that means she could decide to commit suicide. Project this girl to the millions out there and each of them has a free choice to die. Imagine God has to work miracles to prevent them from dying just to match make them with a guy. Yup, so that's why i do not believe in "the one". Rather, i believe in what is called the will of God and God's wisdom. In the bible we see we are not to be unequally yoked with people. We can apply that one way in that we are to avoid marriage with a non-christian. So if we marry a christian, we know it is the will of God. IOW, we are working within the confines of the will of God that we marry a christian. So the girls you see in church, it is God's will(or approval) that you may marry one of them. So the next question is God's wisdom. We are to seek His wisdom in choosing who, among the girls in church(or in your life), is the most suitable.

So if you're resting on the idea that God has "the one" for you, stop doing so, because God is so much more flexible than that. He has so many others whom He approves to be with you. But ultimately, you have to seek God's wisdom to choose the most appropriate one.

I find a decint irony in your post. Your reasons for not liking the concept of "the one" is a description of the idea behind "the one."

desi · Jul 4, 2004

"The one" idea also detracts from free will. If we have the freedom to choose, either us or the one for us could easily screw things up for the other. People seem to usually fit certain types and even subtypes, organizational psychology is based on this as is the eharmony Christian dating scene. Research seems to suggest happy couples are more a matter of finding one from the right type than "the one".

seangoh · Jul 4, 2004

Raanan said:
I find a decint irony in your post. Your reasons for not liking the concept of "the one" is a description of the idea behind "the one."

No irony at all. "The one" is referred to as the only girl that God has planned for your life even before you meet her. The appropriate one is what we decide upon being blessed by God's wisdom. The former has no free choice and the latter has free choice.

silwJC7 · Jul 5, 2004

Quiet Storm said:
I've never dated. At first I considered it to be to my dismay, but as I've grown in Christ I've considered it to be beneficial. I believe that the whole purpose of relationships is to find a husband or wife. Therefore, if one dates different people all the time what kind of progress could possibly be made? Call me corny, but I'm relying on God to bring me my "Eve". Now mind you I don't necessarily think that she'll plop from the sky and we'll be married on the spot )) but I believe divine intervention will play a key roll in how we meet. Therefore I'm not stressing over it.

Just my personal $0.02

You know what for a guy--I admire you for your courage. Good for you, buddy!

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