Hello everyone! First of all, I'm really thankful of the existence of this forum, I really need your opinion on this.
I know this is not new, I've seen many people with the same problem on this forum, but I just can't seem to find comfort in the answers on someone else's thread.
Anyway, I know that I had a really bad history of making promises to the Lord. That was during my childhood. And if I'm honest, my faith has grown a lot during the pandemic, and I realised the significance of these mistakes, and I've learned from this impulsivity. However, some time in between the time I made the promises and the pandemic, I've forgotten a lot of the promises I've made. I mean, I remember the ones I made out of self-will, but not the ones I made during times of trouble. However, I am a very doubtful person. I still think that there were more promises I made out of self-will. One day, somehow, the thought "did I promise to be celibate?" came into my mind. It just came. But I contemplated about it for so long. I tried to recover my memories, so far all evidence point to no, but I start doubting whether or not these memories are true. This was when I started to be excessively worried. I looked for help on the internet, and the best diagnosis for it is scrupulosity. Though, if I'm honest, this event helped me build up my faith as I started to watch more sermons and built a more personal relationship with the Lord.
Anyway, that was a bit more than a week ago, and the anxiety resided, but the problem still lingers somehow. Though, I believe that my bad history of making promises came back to haunt me. I'm suffering a lot of intrusive thoughts.
The intrusive thoughts come as "I promise ...". I am extremely terrified of this, as I've learned a lot from my past. To counter this, I would either breathe heavily, gasp, or utter "nanananana" or anything as ridiculous as that, as long as I don't complete the sentence in my mind. However, sometimes it just slips right through. The sentences get completed. I really don't know what to do with this. This is the one I'm most scared of, as it involves not getting married. As a teenager, the thought of living alone is just PAINFUL, even though the bible says celibacy is a gift. I really didn't want to make that promise, and I KNOW that, but again, my doubt would kick in and start to question MY OWN INTENTION OF THOSE THOUGHTS. I KNOW I DIDN'T MEAN TO THINK THOSE THOUGHTS, BUT I KEEP DOUBTING. I understand that multiple verses in the bible tells us to pay our vows, and that's exactly why I learned not to make any!
The way I seek comfort in this is watching sermons related to negative thoughts, and keep telling myself "God knows my heart", but it just seems like it's not enough! I've read somewhere on the internet, on bible.org, someone asked whether or not a thought of a vow counts as a vow, and the writer says no and that they're just temptations. But again, it's just not enough!
I know some people have it worse, but I would say I'm having a tough time with it. And to top it all off, I haven't had the chance to get a second opinion. Your insight would be greatly appreciated! God bless you all!
This was my story less than a month ago. Anyway, if you read that story, you will know that I'm in a difficult spiritual warfare with OCD. However, last week was a rare moment when I got happy. THOUGH, IT BACKFIRED ON ME.
I was in a happy state of mind, then suddenly the same thought of making the promise came to me, but IT FELT LIKE I MEANT IT. I don't know if I'm confusing making a vow in piety and pride with just simple happiness or not, but it's truly bothering me! I'm pretty sure I tried to resist it, but EVEN THIS I CANNOT BE CERTAIN! My OCD is distorting my memory of it, the more I try to remember the more messed up it all becomes! I just really hope I really didn't mean it, I'm so desperate for forgiveness.
The thing with vow is, it's extremely important. I know this. I've been watching a lot of sermons to confirm. They are typically divided into two: there are those that are like "Pay what you vow!" and no annulment of it whatsoever, and then there are very few that talk about forgiveness and deliverance. I don't know if the first view is leaning on legalism or the second view is leaning on hyper-grace.
I'm so in need of forgiveness for rashly vowing, which, I'm not even sure I did. I can't seem to assume that I didn't mean it either, after all, it's a very serious matter!
Can a rash vow be forgiven and disannulled? I don't know what to do, how should I move on??
Does Leviticus 5:4-5 still apply to today? If it does, is my interpretation correct: When one realises he made a rash vow, he will be cleared of that vow?
Leviticus 5:4-5 "or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt— 5 when anyone becomes aware that they are guilty in any of these matters, they must confess in what way they have sinned."
A lot of the bible verses that talk about vows are in the old testament. They talk mostly about paying what you vowed and the consequences of not doing so. However, the new testament has a recurring theme of freedom and forgiveness through Jesus Christ.
Does "unrighteousness" in 1 John 1:9 apply to my rash vow???
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Does Galatians 5:1 apply to me??
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
As you can see, I am so in need of forgiveness, but does forgiveness mean disannulling??
I'm so lost, I'm afraid this would affect my mental health so greatly as I move on into the future.