anger & bitterness

What happend to you is horrible, I can only imagine what kind of anger you may have right now. I was never sexually assualted when i was little and I wasn't beaten but I use to see my dad beat my mom alot. All I can tell you is to not dwell in the past because the more you dwell in it the more it will eat at you, and hold you back from enjoying life to the fullest.

That might not be the answer you where looking for, but I can only imagine what you went through.

May god bless you

Struggler,
I'd try just being honest w/ God. Tell Him how angry and bitter you are. Also let Him know you are willing to think about making a change with these feelings and ask Him to help you do this. You might do this as a letter to God. I wrote what I thought was the most awful letter to God telling Him how much I hated Him for allowing me to endure such abuse at the hands of my family. I told him I didn't understand how He, if He was a loving God could 'sit back and watch it happen'. and then I asked for help to forgive him and to develop a better relationship. One of things I realized, is that He never agreed with or 'allowed' the abuse to happen but my abusers had free will and I was the object of their abuse. I believe He was there crying over me and tenderly trying to comfort me thru the worst of it now, He taught me to be a survivor and although I may have mental health issues I am not crazy and I grew up in what my therapist 'professionally called a f.. crazy family' So get downright honest with God, and don't be surprized when He answers you!

Laridy

I hated God for years because of what had happened to me. I went through a lot of what you did. But then God revieled to me that He was there. When you where beaten, you could have died, when you where abused they could have hurt you. If you think of all the situations that could have happened you will se God in the cercumstance. I actually went up to my brother (who had abused me) and told him I was sorry for hating him and our relationship was healed. I still feel twinges of hatred now and then and i don't think the enemy will ever stop that, but always remember that you are stopping God from forgiving you by not forgiving others. I know its hard and i empathize just know i will be praying for you.

There is a book called Broken Children Grown up pain by: Paul Hegstrom, it is a wonderful book for childhood victums of Sexual abuse.

Struggler..

I have been through similure in sexual abuse area of life.. From what I was told I was beaten as a baby, but hey no memories there.. So we dont know.. All I can say is have you tried to write out your feelings or journaling? That might help since it'll allow you to write with out judgement and get out the anger and bitterness.. I was very angery at my mom and for years held on to the anger and bitterness till I wrote her a letter, I didnt send it because she passed away but the letter helped me get out caged emotions and helped me deal with things a little better.. I dont know if thats the answer your looking for but try and write to God on Microsoft word or write it by long hand.. Either way he knows your heart and mind, and by doing that might help see it in front of you.. Best of luck..

I used to hide a lot anger and pain, too, beating up myself, pretending to be strong. but i would agree with the sister said , u should cry out to the lord, be honest honesty will bring u a lot new healing.

Struggler, I can relate to what you are going through. I too suffered sexual abuse when I was young. I am working through alot of anger that I have at the moment which I have towards my abuser, my parents, myself, the church and God. What is helping me firstly, is that I have a Christian counselor that I see each week. Secondly, talking about it and writing about it is helping me to work through it. It takes time though.

Stifling anger does not work. Journaling may help you identify and express it. Remember, some anger is fully justified. God gets angry at injustice.

John
NZ

Struggler said:

I am a male surviver of childhood sexual abuse. I was sexually abused from toddler until I was 17 y/o when I attempted suicide was when it stopped. I was abused by both males & females. It was also a very violent home. We were beat pretty severely.

Anyway, I am now 45 y/o and I find that I am still carrying around anger & bitterness towards God. I guess it's because I used to cry out to Him to help me or let me die and He never did. So, now, it's just a bad habit that I got into that whenever anything goes wrong, I blame God.

I started seeing a Psychiatrist when I was 17 & I still see one every week. I have changed doctors over the years for various reasons.

Anyway,basically what my doctor is telling me is just breathing techniques and stuff. But what I want to know is, How do I get past this anger & bitterness?

I did make peace with my parents. I never had a relationship with my real father until the last year of his life. But it was a good year and he apologized, etc. And I was holding his hand when he died. That was the only intimate moment I ever had with my real father.

But like I said, I still have anger & bitterness and I don't know how to get past it.

Click to expand...

The posts brought tears to my eyes...yours and the others that shared....
Abuse is hard to deal with. I can share this with you and it is similiar to the others...
Forgiveness. And a couselor that can help you get there...
The pain is great.... the ability to understand it is very difficult. Struggler, my heart goes out to you. I could not be healed til I forgave....I will PM you with a site and a woman that spoke to a retreat that I went to unknowing that it would change my life....for the better....

God's peace...
Mickey

hello,

sorry about what you went through...I totaolly understand about feeling angry...although the abuse I went thru was different than yours it was serious and occured on two levels. Grew up in alcoholic home, basically my dad robbed me of my childhood because most of my childhood I spent worrying about his drinking and outbursts.

later I got married, I probalby rushed into it just to feel that I was now seperate from my parents, and I was also kind of young and immature and rushed into it. After our daughter was born my husband got increasingly abusive, demanding controlling and would act jealous of our baby, saying I was 'holding her too much'. One night at a dinner he got mad just because I told him it was getting late and I had to get home, it was only 8 weeks after she was born, and I was still a very new mom and had to get sleep plus she was a newborn and I wanted to put her down for the night. Just for telling him I wanted to leave and it was already 11 pm, in the kitchen he slapped me hard about 5 or 6 times and his cousin saw what happened. His mom told him to leave me alone and I left with our baby...I realized I was in deep you know what, with a new baby and didnt want to live that way..the next day at work he called and threatened me with serious harm. I had to leave work early and sneak away with police help to a protective shelter. me and our baby daughter stayed in hiding there for 28 days...
I know the Lord was with me though because of an incident that happened and I also felt somehow peace during that time. Howevver, I made a mistake that has still affected us..instead of going to another long term shelter after the 28 days were up, I moved in w my parents who were at the core of the problem to beign with. Big mistake.
Anywys, since then our life has not been what I had imagined or hoped for...
I struggle with alot of anger sometimes with God at why he didnt make up for a bad childhood that I had, with a better adulthood, it's something I have alot of trouble understanding the why of it.
I am going to try and make some changes in our life and hope that the anger will dissolve if I start to heal over time.

Therapy is an amazing step, and I'm glad you've stayed with it.

Often the only way to get past it is just realizing you didn't cause it, you forgive those people, and praying for healing. I'm still waiting, but I pray you find relief soon.