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Anger advice/struggles

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kbean

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May 19, 2004
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Hi.
I don't know if I am alone in this, but as one Christian to another, I would like to disguss anger.
I have serious anger issues. I have an impossible time trying to control my anger. Turning the other cheek. Letting things go. I am seriously rattled by waves of anger almost everyday.
Today I had a traffic flag lady (you know the one in construction zones holding you up with her stop sign..) ridiculous incedent today.
I was listening to praise music with the little ones in the back, we were singing and clapping when we came to her stop. No problem.
I stopped and waited and while I was waiting to go, we kept clapping. She saw my hands doing this and took it as a sign that I was making fun of her or who knows, but what she gestured back was something very rude to me. Now...what does one do when they are treatd poorly by another and insulted?
1. turn the other cheek
2. do what I did, pull over while passing and give her a piece of my mind, and not so nice about it!
After that I felt the typical shakes, dizzyness, anger, and nausea that accompany my anger. It just gets out of control.
I think it's called RAGE.
Okay I know what it is, but how do I deal with it?
It effects my family and home too. My husband is my usual target. My kids don't know how to take me. And worst of all I am dishonouring the Lord. I am married to a non-CHristian and supposed to be setting an example, right?
Great example.
What I need is some advice and support from other Christians that have maybe been down this road.
I need to stop the anger cycle. All I can remember of my years at home with my dad were ducking and covering from HIS rage. Not physical with me, but with my brother, just verbal with me. Not nice at all.
Now I am just like him. I know it is not normal anger and I want to learn how to deal with rage, and with normal anger so it doesn't turn into rage.
Thanks for listening, just putting this out there. Funny thing is I feel really abondoned by God when I pray for help with this anger and 5 minutes later I have an 'episode' and totally fail.
 
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4given29

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Jan 9, 2004
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Anger is one of my biggest problems. I yell my head off at my family all the time. When that happens, I try to remember this verse.."Your anger can never make things right in God's sight." James 1:20 (NLT) There's also James ch. 3 about controlling your tongue. It's amazing all the things we can do, but we can't control our tongues. When my family does something, even little things I just get so mad. I know I shouldn't be like that. Like you, I pray for help after it happens, and then it just happens all over again. And even when I do remember verses, it doesn't seem to help, but I think it has. I think I've been doing better, but I still fail most of the time. Like you said, by doing this, what kind of example to your husband are you being. Maybe if you think about it like this, if he sees me acting like this, then what will make him want to come to God. I know God can help you with this, because He has helped me. This kind of progress is a slow process for me. I'll be praying for you that even little by little you'll become better and that God will help you.
 
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L

Lilly of the Valley

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Continue to ask the Lord to help you, but don't wait till after you fail to ask. Ask the Lord to help you before it even happens. Also, thank the Lord for His help and mercy in this situation. Ask the Lord to make you aware that you are going to loose your temper before it happens.
 
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Rage4Christ

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kbean, Christ's message of unconditional love. For whatever reasons (low self-steam probably) you see things as attacks on your personal self. As long as youre comfortable with yourself, your place in the world and your unconditional love for yourself and others, rage has no reason.

Your rage is a symptom of your own insecurity.
There is no simple answer here. Just looking to Christ and Scripture will not be enough. ONe of the hardests path in our struggle with Christ is unconditional love of self. As soon as you love yourself unconitionally, you won't perceive the threats and gestures of others as a personal attack.

This, of course, does not mean you are no longer responsible for yourself. You are responsible for your rage, but don't hate yourself because of it. Anger can be a good thing, if understood and used in a balanced context.

Ask yourself, exactly what you're feeling when you're angry. Is it injustice? Do you feel personally harmed? If so why? Explore your emotions, and find out how you can love yourself despite the feelings of anger.
 
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Macca

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Paul writes in Eph. 4: 26. "Do not sin in your anger." So getting angry is not the problem, losing your temper is!
Earnestly seek God for a maturing of the fruit of the Spirit in you. Pray for the people you are angry at. You cannot stay angry at someone you are praying for. Ask God to give you patiencse lessons last. Learning patience can be very provoking.
Macca.
 
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rogsr

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Hello Kbean,
I used to be a really angry person myself. I still loose my temper sometimes. The only thing that really worked for me..and don't laugh..was learning to breath while remaining very quite, with no thoughts in my mind. Just take some time, perhaps before you fall asleep if that is your only free time, and just breath. Concentrate on your breathing so it is a conscious effort instead of on its own. Do you kind of understand? Just concentrate on your breathing without any thoughts in your mind, or maybe talk to God while concentrating on your breathing. Doing this honestly helped to calm my impetuous nature. Also, if you are interested there is a very good book called The Seven Deadly Sins. It was written by a Rabbi scholar and it has been a very good tool for me in understanding the nature of my sins. You must know your enemy if you want to defeat him. Good luck.
 
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Takesha

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KBean,

I agree with Macca, anger in and of itself is not a sin, what we do with it can be.
If I have learned anything it's that our minds are the battle field in which most wars are won or lost.
My pastor of years gone by shared this with me.

" If a person walks up to you and spills a glass of water on you and you get angry, did that person make you mad?" The answer is no...that person made you WET, but provided you with an opportunity to get mad.

We are faced daily with many opportunities to get mad, or have our feelings hurt but we are encouraged to bring our thoughts into obedience

2Co 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh
2Co 10:4 (for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds),
2Co 10:5 casting down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;



It may help to realize that those who you become angry with are the flesh and blood, but there is something more to the situation which is unseen, and this is who the battle is with.

I hope this helps some

Takesha
 
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