An Interesting Situation

Rob_Skellington · Apr 10, 2012

Hadassah_ said:
Do you honestly see this guy telling you how he feels?

I personally would cut loose from that situation. It's not worth the drama. *shrug*

I think he's territorial enough that he'd get me in a corner and pull the "stay away from my girl" line, yeah. Outside of him, there's really no drama. And I'm willing to put up with a little drama if it means being happy.

Rob_Skellington · Apr 10, 2012

Queenaharts30 said:
Hmm...Well the picture that I see in my head is as follows. Tell me if I'm wrong.

F-Has a girl, but is following B
B-Broke up with boyfriend so she single, but being followed like a piece of meat.
and you like B.

1. F has no business with B because he has a girl.
2. B seems to be very very pretty if she has a lot of suiters after her.
3. Yeah it's bothering you cause you a tiny bit jealous. So what to do?
hmm... Does B know that F has a girlfriend? muahaha...

It's rough when it's a workplace thing because if you tell her how you feel and she doesn't crush back...umm... it will hurt to even go to work and see her. I don't know. I would feel as stuck as you now that I think about it. Maybe wait it out and see what happens. Just continue being her friend for now.

Yeah, that's pretty much it, and yes, B knows F has a girlfriend. I tried to see it from the angle of possibly B likes F, but that didn't scan, logically. Her actions were far too...distant and "simply friendly" to indicate any sort of interest. That's really when I noticed that F follows her around a lot.

I am jealous, which I try to keep in mind so my judgment doesn't get all wonky. I'm basically going to wait until B is blatantly interested (i.e., she starts finding me to hang by my side, starts hanging out with me constantly, and it'd be really nice if she used words like "I like you."). If that doesn't happen, I'm just going to enjoy having her as a friend as much as possible.

Rob_Skellington · Apr 11, 2012

F continued with his routine today, getting between me and B. There was one rather odd point, though, where B went outside for her break, and F stayed inside to read his book on his electronic reader. I decided to sit with F for lunch; I figured it would give him an opportunity to open up to me.

...He spent nearly our entire lunch hour engaged in reading. Then when I went back outside to talk with B, F was there within five minutes. I only really got to talk with B during our last break, when she opened up a little more to me.

I don't think B is keen to F's game, but it is starting to feel like F is toying with me. I'm going to invite B to dinner tomorrow night and see what happens. I just want to spend time with her without our chaperone.

stilsearching · Apr 13, 2012

Keeping getting to know B but maintain boundaries. If F ever invites her out and she says you are more than welcome to join text back "Oh, is F's girlfriend going?" Eventually, B will see the F is not the type she wants to be around.
I think other than that your handling the situation pretty well. Okay, besides the workplace romance thing.
I would keep an eye on what F is doing and how B reacts. If word gets back to you that B is actually dating F then you know what kind of person she is. But if every time F says something or does something, and B shows a totally different type of "concern" for him than for you, you could be onto something special.
Keep doing what your doing and I wish you the best.

Rob_Skellington · Apr 13, 2012

I am keeping concerns about the "workplace romance" policy in the back of my brain for now. As far as F, I think he may just be ignorant of how to act toward other women when he's in a relationship. He's also apparently been divorced for less than a month, though I don't know how long he's been in this relationship with his girlfriend (I get the impression it's been about a year). B knows about F's girlfriend; she's mentioned F going to events with his girlfriend last fall.

I took B to work this morning, though that really is neither here nor there. It's pretty much a non-issue. Right now I'm just trying to get to know her, though it's really taking a lot of self-control to avoid telling her how I feel.

stilsearching · Apr 13, 2012

When you are driving her to work do you guys have conversation or is she staring down at her phone and completely distracted?
I hope she says Yes to dinner and that gets the ball rolling for something special between you two.
Have you looked into seeing if there is "no workplace romance" policy? The policy might be "no supervisor and subordinate" dating but other than that there might not be anything else.
Good luck!!

Rob_Skellington · Apr 13, 2012

stilsearching said:
When you are driving her to work do you guys have conversation or is she staring down at her phone and completely distracted?
I hope she says Yes to dinner and that gets the ball rolling for something special between you two.
Have you looked into seeing if there is "no workplace romance" policy? The policy might be "no supervisor and subordinate" dating but other than that there might not be anything else.
Good luck!!

I've only taken her to work the one time, and I doubt I'll be taking her to work often. She was tired, though we talked and she wasn't distracted. I was more distracted from the fact I had to concentrate on the road.

We did go to dinner, though F and another co-worker invited themselves along. F and the other co-worker sat on one side of the booth while B sat next to me. It was a nice dinner, though.

As far as any policies about workplace romance, I was speaking earlier of my own policy. The only policy my job has on the matter is one between supervisors and subordinates.

stilsearching · Apr 13, 2012

Do you think you can invite her to dinner and specifically state just the two of you. I would send this in private message but I cannot figure out how. Something like"Would you be comfortable having dinner with just me?" Or insert lunch or even breakfast. If she looks like a deer caught in headlights, tell her you would like to get to know her better and you prefer to do so without an audience. (that audience line might a bit snarky, but if it applies....). Offer to pick her but give her the option of meeting you there.
Have this conversation privately, like when you give her a ride or when the audience isn't around. If you invite her privately and no one else is around and word gets back to the audience that you invited her to dinner or whatever, I would seriously reconsider pursuing anything further than a co-workership.

Rob_Skellington · Apr 14, 2012

It's a little early for us to have dinner by ourselves, at least by direct invitation. She asked to join me last week, which I accepted, though I think anything more direct than that would be "pushing it" at this point. If I mention the restaurant again and she says she'd like to go, then I'll see what I can do to keep it just between us.

I've given F two chances thus far to "speak his mind" without asking him what he's thinking. Both times, he's been more than civil and hasn't mentioned B at all. I've also noticed that B and him have been hanging out less, so I'm not sure what to make of that. At the same time, she seems to be ignoring me a little bit, too.

The biggest problem I'm having right now is not wearing my feelings on my sleeves. If I get depressed, people know. If I'm happy, people know. I don't know how to hide how I'm feeling without someone catching on. I find it exceedingly difficult to fake a smile or hide a frown.

chuck77 · Apr 14, 2012

Let her come to you. Let the other guy look stupid and desperate. Totally ignore her and every single thing she does, and let the other guy fall all over her. Even buy them both tickets to a basketball game and wish them the best.

In 2 months if you guys aren't married i'll give you the money for the basketball tickets you bought.

This advice is free, this time.

Rob_Skellington · Apr 14, 2012

chuck77 said:
Let her come to you. Let the other guy chase. Let him look stupid and desperate. Totally ignore her and every single thing she does, and let the other guy fall all over her. Even buy them both tickets to a basketball game and wish them the best.

In 2 months if you guys aren't married i'll give you the money for the basketball tickets you bought.

This advice is free, this time.

I've actually started ignoring her more, though somewhat unintentionally. Of course, my experience has taught me that if I wait for a woman to come to me, she never will.

chuck77 · Apr 14, 2012

Rob_Skellington said:
I've actually started ignoring her more, though somewhat unintentionally. Of course, my experience has taught me that if I wait for a woman to come to me, she never will.

I'm half kidding of course

*Edit. I'm trusting God for the right woman, and if she isn't a Christian, i'm not interested. I'm out of the wordly dating scene. I have been for some time. My advice is to wait on God and trust Him. Let Him lead you and guide you.

Rob_Skellington · Apr 14, 2012

I keep telling myself to just sit around and wait on God, but that doesn't seem right. That, and if I think God is presenting an opportunity, my "default setting" is to pursue that opportunity. When it comes to relationships, I just suck at the "art of the pursuit" because of a lack of experience.

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