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"Luck" is for the superstitious, not the Christian. It's your choice if you want a relationship. I'd suggest that you take a look at Mark Gungor before you get serious. He has the soundest advice and is very funny as well - a real bonus!As a 42-year-old male that has never been in serious relationship (probably very very few like that), am I just about out of luck or time to get into one? Just curious
As a 42-year-old male that has never been in serious relationship (probably very very few like that), am I just about out of luck or time to get into one? Just curious
As a 42-year-old male that has never been in serious relationship (probably very very few like that), am I just about out of luck or time to get into one? Just curious
I second @SigurdReginson's advice.
If you want to a healthy relationship you need to be honest about the reasons you weren't involved and how you plan to overcome those challenges. Wanting to be with someone isn't enough. You need to demonstrate you're worth the investment and someone she can share her life with.
I don't believe a video or book can teach that. It takes self-reflection, honesty, and an ability to communicate. If you struggle doing so, check out Toastmasters. You'll improve your communication and confidence. That's half the battle for men in your shoes.
Don't downplay your inexperience. Telling the truth will encourage her grace and patience. Pretending will raise red flags. Good luck.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
Obviously, never pretend - but at what point should the inexperience be confessed by such a man who wants a relationship to be established and to progress?Don't downplay your inexperience. Telling the truth will encourage her grace and patience. Pretending will raise red flags. Good luck.
I've been out on a couple of dates, just no relationship/GF.I just hope my lack of an actual relationship is not the reason someone does not give me a chance.Most men have dating experience by the time they reach their thirties and forties. The absence may be a Christian phenomenon or common with incels and others with mental or social challenges. But it doesn't represent the majority.
Expectations move along those lines. What a person will tolerate from someone in their twenties will differ as the number climbs. If you pretend you'll trip yourself up eventually. You won't have the courage or know-how and it will be evident. You haven't conquered your fear. Your inability to act when requested will reveal the truth.
Many feel ashamed and want to downplay their inexperience. They want to fit in. But you're not appealing to the masses. You need her okay. The scrutiny will be greater if you hold back.
When you deal with someone who's experienced and ready to step into the relationship they're seeking they cut to the chase. They don't drag things out or waste time in nowhere connections. They know what they want and they go after it. They're not looking for company. They're after a partner. Until you've lived it, you don't know what it is.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
Gotcha. Thanks for this. This is very encouraging to me. I know I have a lot of work in bettering myself and putting in the effort to find someone but this post brings me encouragement.You don't want a chance. You want to be in the company of someone who desires and enjoys your presence. Your circumstances won't be an issue for her. She's willing to put in the work and give you the time and patience you require. Not everyone is willing to do so. You want the ones who will.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
Man A wanted a romantic relationship; Man B only wanted a friendship because he wasn’t ready to actLet me give you an example for clarity. This is the tale of two men.
Person A: We met on a forum. He asked a question and a dialogue ensued. Although he wasn't expressing interest. We realized we had the qualities the other sought. After a week of numerous messages we spoke on the phone. Our conversations continued by phone, text, and Skype. We never spoke on the forum again.
He was very adamant that a long distance connection wouldn't stretch out. Within a month he discussed meeting and flight plans. And he gave me a time frame for moving. He laid everything out. Work, resources, goals, challenges, etc. He was ready to step into the relationship he desired. His actions matched his words.
Person B: We met on a forum. He shared his hopes and dreams too. He acknowledged his desire to marry and discussed his career, interests, and plans. Our conversations never moved beyond that point. Although he want the same, he didn't the steps to bring it to fruition beyond discussion.
Person A initiated everything. He set the tone and pace. He provided clear parameters and an end goal. There was no ambiguity or uncertainty. I knew where I stood. He's not worried about a chance. He's looking for a woman who fits and he knows what that is. He isn't taking all comers.
Readiness and action go hand in hand. You can't mistake desire for readiness. Pulling the trigger is the difference. You need to know where you fall on the readiness scale. So your conversation and actions are well-aligned. When you're afraid to take steps towards your desires; you're not ready. You're getting there. That's okay.
Person A didn't talk about marriage. He popped the question. See the difference?
Yours in His Service,
~bella
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