When I was in college I was abused by my then boyfriend who lived down the hallway from me. We had started seeing each other my sophomore year and continued into my junior year, when we got engaged. I had know him since orientation my senior year of high school. He was one of my friends. I think that was why it took me so long to realize what kind of relationship I was in. It was mainly emotional/verbal abuse but about 6 months towards the end it was physical and sexual as well. The abuse was recognized by one of my professors who helped me out a great deal. After ending the relationship, He helped me move out of the dorms and changed my class schedule so I would never really be around my ex. The professor helped me as well as being an emotional support for me. You see my ex was a pretty popular guy on campus, a football player with a 3.8 GPA, involved with many other extracurricular groups and activities. It seemed like everyone on campus sided with him and told me that I was lying about him. I was pretty withdrawn my senior year, just doing enough to graduate. Nearing the end of the school year I formed new friendships with people who either had believed me or didn't know the guy. But the past abuse isn't necessarily what I'm posting advice for. My problem is with a current relationship.
Last October I was introduced to a man who I started working with. We both work in Theatre in Northeast Ohio since I was new to the area a mutual friend knew he was looking for some help on a show. Anyways, in December he told me that he didn't want to work with me anymore because he wanted to start seeing me on a personal level. At first everything was fine, but now that things are getting a little more hands on, I keep on getting flashbacks to the past relationship. I try explaining it but its like I freeze up and can't talk about it. He knows very little about what happened. Its basically try and fail. He doesn't know what is going to give me the flashbacks or make me randomly cry and neither do I. I know relationships aren't going to be easy, but I was wondering if anyone knows of good ways to explain to make it easier. Its to hard for me to look at him and explain things because everytime I try to he gets this "I'm so sorry" expression on his face. I don't want him to feel sorry for me. Its easier to turn away or look down and explain things but then it almost seems like he doesn't believe me. Also, a part of me doesn't want to burden him with all of this crap from a past relationship. As horrible as this is going to sound I don't want him to be like "you are so not worth this much trouble" because I've heard that before and I know that I am worth it to someone. Any ideas of how to explain everything to him? Any other advice on the first real hopefully lasting relationship since the abuse?
Last October I was introduced to a man who I started working with. We both work in Theatre in Northeast Ohio since I was new to the area a mutual friend knew he was looking for some help on a show. Anyways, in December he told me that he didn't want to work with me anymore because he wanted to start seeing me on a personal level. At first everything was fine, but now that things are getting a little more hands on, I keep on getting flashbacks to the past relationship. I try explaining it but its like I freeze up and can't talk about it. He knows very little about what happened. Its basically try and fail. He doesn't know what is going to give me the flashbacks or make me randomly cry and neither do I. I know relationships aren't going to be easy, but I was wondering if anyone knows of good ways to explain to make it easier. Its to hard for me to look at him and explain things because everytime I try to he gets this "I'm so sorry" expression on his face. I don't want him to feel sorry for me. Its easier to turn away or look down and explain things but then it almost seems like he doesn't believe me. Also, a part of me doesn't want to burden him with all of this crap from a past relationship. As horrible as this is going to sound I don't want him to be like "you are so not worth this much trouble" because I've heard that before and I know that I am worth it to someone. Any ideas of how to explain everything to him? Any other advice on the first real hopefully lasting relationship since the abuse?