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A Need To Process Our Experiences

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cremi

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Aww...too bad...I'm here to process with you!!!!
 
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blessedwoman

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JC4Dude said:
Amen!

And you are forgiven for violating your own rule, er boundary, about 4 posts in a row, lol.
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness! I was just going to post about that! Twelve in a row, took a quick breath, then two more, another breath, another few.....LOL. Did you hyperventilate or anything???
 
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blessedwoman

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My son talked to me for about 3 hours tonight. He yacked a lot. Kind of like someone else I know. I don't how he didn't faint he talked so much and so fast. It was mostly about politics (gag) but a lot of personal stuff too. He said some things that made him cry, a lot of things actually, sharing his heart. He's so concerned about breaking my heart. But I cried once, when he expressed his opinon of me.

After what happened with the church years ago he questions everything religious. Even the very existence of God. I've felt so bad, so guilty. My children and I were TORN APART. If I had kept my mouth shut, if I had been stronger or smarter, or dumber or more submissive or more of a doormat or more of something......I could have protected them better. It eats me up inside, all the time. He doesn't know all that. But as he told me he hated telling me about his doubts bc he didn't want to disappoint me, bc he knew it must break my heart, bc he worried he would make me cry alone at night and can't handle me crying......he told me this. He told me that he doesn't want me to feel like a failure. He said that watching me, knowing me, knowing who and what I am is the ONLY THING that allows him even a hint of belief that God really is there. Because I am true to what I believe.

How powerful. How heartwrenching. What a gift. I have been beating myself up feeling exactly like a failure for falling apart and exposing my family to such pain and heartache for years now. And the boy tells me that there is the possiblity of faith in him as he watches me continue to live mine.

Praise God.
 
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C

CoolMom6

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Yes, BW; that is what I see in the even short time I have been blessed to call you friend. I am of the belief that God's hand will always be on the home of the one who walks with Him daily. I know you do the best you can. I know you keep the faith, and I know that you pray for your kids diligently.
His promises are true.
 
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S

Starr SDA Living Word

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blessedwoman said:
I just posted a cursing, furious rant against my f**** b*** stepdaughter on my AIM profile. God forgive me. I guess no sleep for me tonight.

I swear I am angry enough to physically harm.

Please pray for me. And tell me to knock it off.
Click to expand...
OK, I will pray for yah. So knock it off, lol. Let out in a pm to me if you have too, I will listen. You are special and kind, loving sole. Remember that when you are mad believe me it helps.
 
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K

Kensington7

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blessedwoman said:
I just posted a cursing, furious rant against my f**** b*** stepdaughter on my AIM profile. God forgive me. I guess no sleep for me tonight.

I swear I am angry enough to physically harm.

Please pray for me. And tell me to knock it off.
Click to expand...

Wooaaa! That is some serious language sister! KNOCK THAT OFF!

HTH.
 
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blessedwoman

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I deleted it. But pray for us, bc now I am going to confront her and I need to be straight with my husband first.

I was told tonight by a former friend of my son's whom I trust implicitly that he was told by one of my nephew's (who is my son's best friend) oldest and dearest friends that my son is partying a lot lately. Enough to concern him. And that.....MY EX IS GIVING HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS!!!

So I called my son home. We talked. Apparently his dad has let him have a beer here and there. He is 18. I'm not thrilled and am slightly concerned with the alcoholism that is in his immediate family on both sides. But I'm not OVERLY concerned bc it is limited. I also know he has drank at some parties at school, but not many. I ask around, I snoop online (I'm really good at it) and he and I have frank discussions.

Soooo, we talked.
I asked "How much have you been drinking" He says not much.
I ask "How often" He says just a few times all summer.
I ask "Where to you get your alcohol" He says at parties.
I ask "Where else. Who has gotten it for you?" Surprise, surprise! The first person he says is the older stepdaughter!!

Nice. Yet another stellar example of her lack of respect or regard for me. And I've talked about her lack of respect for her father. And actually, it's the other CHRISTIAN one who is worse. But I digress. She blatantly went against what she KNOWS I would tolerate.

Hence the bloodletting that is going to happen tomorrow. (I am soooo controlling myself in that statement) I pray it doesn't cause undue marital strife. You all please pray too, ok?

I need to go drug myself to sleep. Too many nights without sleep the last six weeks.
 
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J

Joyandpeace

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Wow!
That's disappointing - is that putting it mildly or what?
Hmmmmm....
I'm thinking. I'm trying to find something positive to say so you won't kill her.
Nope - nothings coming to me.
Go right ahead!

This reminds me of a story.
I went out of town once and left my 18 year old nephew to watch my 16 year old daughter. (Yeah - I know - how bright am I?)

There was a party. It was all her doing. He didn't want it and actually tried to warn me before I left in a coded language - (that I didn't catch!).

He just wanted so badly to be the cool older cousin and not rat her out. He wanted me to figure out the code so that he wouldn't look bad. Well I'm too dumb for a code - heck I can't read when you write off key to me BW! So I left. There was a party.

I found out about it because one of the dumb party goers posted it - with PICTURES - on my space and one of the mom's saw it and sent it to me. My drunk daughter sitting on my sofa in my living room - on the internet. I was just so proud!

I grounded them both (as my nephew was living with me then). He was so sorry - he really was remorseful.

In this case I truly believe my nephew was put between a rock and a hard place. He was trying to be an adult and let me know - but trying to be cool too. He was at a crossroads in age. He screwed up. He took the punishment like a man.

The big difference here is - my nephew didn't buy nor bring the beer into my house. Her friends did. I don't think he was wilfully trying to disrepect me. This doesn't sound like the case you have though.

I would probably have a very difficult time with this also BW. I do promise to pray. I'm going to bed right now - and I will be praying!
 
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blessedwoman

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Thank you for the prayers, ladies. I am going to pray about this all day to even decide WHEN to talk to my husband about this.

To complicate or make matters worse, my brother-in-law did too! Now my BIL is a quiet, non-drinking, sweet Christian man. I'm shocked. My son said, "Please don't say anything to Uncle H. He didn't want to do it. I really bugged him to. He knew we were staying in and he said he would never do it again."

HOWEVER this uncle is someone my son is very close to. While he has a few maturity/leadership issues, he is so dear to all of us. My son will share EVERYTHING with him. He is one of the Christian influences that my son will listen to. And I feel like he chinked his witness in doing this! Not ruined, but dented. I am torn about how to handle this with him.

But yeah, on top of what has happened with the mouthiness, disregard and disrespect, I am ready to explode on my SD.

Thanks for making me laugh, JP. I wish I COULD ground her somehow! There is never any consequence for their actions tho and given their age and the fact that she no longer lives here, I don't know what to do.

Ugh. Gosh, and I just met with my counselor for the first time since my dad died. (She thought it was good they moved out btw and that C and I stuck up for one another finally)

So I suppose prayer for discernment is in order. When and how to handle this. I won't do anything until my anger is controlled, so I'm not too concerned about that.

Any suggestions?
 
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