A little Lost along the way

Percephanie · May 26, 2007

I am new to the christian forums and new in my christian walk. I am facing some struggles and not sure how to deal with them. If there is anyone out there that can help me have a deepier understanding.

My marriage is falling apart before my eyes. The struggles with my marriage started when my husband got a new job, he met this girl who he thinks is his soul mate...she thinks the samething. It's been almost a year now and they email each other daily. She is also married with children. When my husband 1st told me about this I told him he needed to pray for us and that we make it through this trying time. My husband says he has been praying but that he sees signs that they are ment for each other. When I say signs he says they have matching tatoos of lizards not the same but both are lizards and he said a lady bug landed on his arm and he said a vision of her. He says he is going to wait it out to see what happenes. We have 8 months on our lease at the apartments where we are at and he says that if she is not divorced by then it wasn't ment to be and that sometimes soul mates never get to be together. To my understanding she has met other men while in her marriage that she has gotten close to but always goes back to her husband in the end. I am very lost and scared of where I and our son fit into this puzzle. If this is god's will I don't want to stand in the way. I am stuggling with the idea that god's plan would be to take a father from his wife and son who have a wonderful life together....I am still very new in my christian walk and learning everyday however I am torn with my feelings. The only thing that seems to get me through these times is my faith and knowing god has a wonderful plan for my son and I.

If anyone out there that can help I would greatly appreciate the time.

Thanks for listening
God bless!

Johnnz · May 26, 2007

Yuk. Does he have any Christian commitment? His behaviour and attitudes certainly don't comply with biblical standards for marriage and being a husband.

John
NZ

BigNorsk · May 26, 2007

God gives your husband many signs that tell him exactly what to do.

Mal 2:15-16 NET.(15) No one who has even a small portion of the Spirit in him does this. What did our ancestor do when seeking a child from God? Be attentive, then, to your own spirit, for one should not be disloyal to the wife he took in his youth.(16) "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and the one who is guilty of violence," says the LORD who rules over all. "Pay attention to your conscience, and do not be unfaithful."

Exo 20:14 NET. (14) "You shall not commit adultery.

Exo 20:17 NET. (17) "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Pro 6:32 NET.
(32) A man who commits adultery with a woman lacks wisdom,whoever does it destroys his own life.

Jer 7:8-11 NET.
(8) " 'But just look at you! You are putting your confidence in a false belief that will not deliver you.
(9) You steal. You murder. You commit adultery. You lie when you swear on oath. You sacrifice to the god Baal. You pay allegiance to other gods whom you have not previously known.
(10) Then you come and stand in my presence in this temple I have claimed as my own and say, "We are safe!" You think you are so safe that you go on doing all those hateful sins!
(11) Do you think this temple I have claimed as my own is to be a hideout for robbers? You had better take note! I have seen for myself what you have done! says the LORD.

Hos 4:12 NET.
(12) They consult their wooden idols,
and their diviner's staff answers with an oracle.
The wind of prostitution blows them astray;
they commit spiritual adultery against their God.

Mal 3:5 NET.
(5) "I will come to you in judgment. I will be quick to testify against those who practice divination, those who commit adultery, those who break promises, and those who exploit workers, widows, and orphans, who refuse to help the immigrant and in this way show they do not fear me," says the LORD who rules over all.

Mat 5:27-32 NET.
(27) "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'
(28) But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
(29) If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away! It is better to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into hell.
(30) If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away! It is better to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into hell.
(31) "It was said, 'Whoever divorces his wife must give her a legal document.'
(32) But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Mar 7:20-23 NET.
(20) He said, "What comes out of a person defiles him.
(21) For from within, out of the human heart, come evil ideas, sexual immorality, theft, murder,
(22) adultery, greed, evil, deceit, debauchery, envy, slander, pride, and folly.
(23) All these evils come from within and defile a person."

Eph 5:33 NET.
(33) Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

All these "signs" given by God through inspired scripture clearly tell him what to do, what is right and pleasing. If instead he decides to follow his own hard heart instead of the instructions from God, he should not pretend that she is his soul mate or he is getting supernatural signs or anything. He is simply a man in lust justifying his actions any way he can. I am sorry that you are one that is having to experience his hard heart.

I don't say to give up. Many times people awake from their fever.

Instead, I would go to the elders of the church, tell them what is happening and what you husband is saying and doing and ask for their help.

Marv

Percephanie · May 27, 2007

I want to say thank you so very much for sharing your wisdom.

My husband grew up with a very strong christian background, and was baptized at the age of 9. Both his parents are strong Christians as well. I myself was just baptized only 2 weeks ago at the age of 30 . I feel god has been helping me find my way through all this...I knew I had to give myself to the lord...and ever since then I have had this peace within me that amazing. Before I was an easy target for Satan, but not anymore.

With this being said, the signs he says he is seeing such as the lady bug, the tattoos, and just the other day he was outside said he saw a lizard over a toyota symbol which he said is an angel with a halo (her). I told him to make sure these "signs" are from god and not from somewhere else. I am trying to be understanding because like I have said, I would never want to step in the way of gods will, however I don't believe it is god's well. I am not saying this just because I don't want it to be true but I feel my husband has some "issues" he has to work out and in a way is being "tested" in some way or another.
I have been reading and the message that keeps coming up was stepping out of the boat and walk on water with god....I believe my boat is me losing myself for a period of time in the marriage (getting to comfortable) and I need to step out of my boat and become the christian I was ment to be, I also have been praying to understand where I belong in this...and the only answer I get is to stay where I am at.

Thank you again for all the support! I know I will get through this and it's not going to be easy but I know I will come out on top because I have god by my side.
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Johnnz · May 27, 2007

He is into some funny thinking, a kind of superstitious thing. His looking for 'signs' is not a healthy view of guidance, and with another woman involved he is not coming from a set of well based principles. A talk with your pastor by both of you may be useful at this stage.

John
NZ

GrinningDwarf · May 27, 2007

Percephanie said:
IMy husband grew up with a very strong christian background, and was baptized at the age of 9. Both his parents are strong Christians as well. I myself was just baptized only 2 weeks ago at the age of 30

'Strong Christians' don't carry on the way you say your husband is. People deluded by 'false conversions' might. I'd say the evidence is very great right now that your husband really is not a Christian.

Evangelina · May 27, 2007

BigNorsk said:
Instead, I would go to the elders of the church, tell them what is happening and what you husband is saying and doing and ask for their help.

I think this is a really important point that often gets missed in today's society. Some sins thrive in secrecy - and dragging them out into the light can do wonders. Partly because it's easy to rationalise something while it's under our control... but once the news gets out, all of a sudden control is lost, and we realise that we're horribly embarrassed about our sin... and the rationalisations disappear. Being a new christian, you might not realise that this advice comes straight from Jesus:

"If your brother sins against you, go and confront him while the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.
But if he doesn't listen, take one or two others with you so that 'every word may be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'
If, however, he ignores them, tell it to the congregation. If he also ignores the congregation, regard him as a gentile and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17

Are his parents aware of this infatuation of his? Personally, I'd be telling them as soon as they asked me how things were going - not asking them to talk to him, just to let them know what's going on, and asking them to pray for us both. I realise that your own pride might speak against this... you might not want people to know that your marriage is in trouble, etc. But that's pride, nothing spiritually good about it.

Percephanie · May 28, 2007

Yesterday was not such a good day, I feel like I have hit a road block. All my emotions came flooding through.
We have been married for almost 8 years now, and yes like many couples we got to comfortable at one time but We had a great marriage until all of this....

Hubby and I talked some more, he doesn't understand this pull he has towards her. He says he can feel her when she gets near, and can only be explained that they are soul mates. I explained to him, there are 2 types of soul mates friends and partners. He agreed but I also told him that for you to even think of leaving your wife and child for another woman is not what god would want. He stated in the bible... god does not want sacrifice, you are not to deny that bond. I am not that far into my studies to know just what he is talking about.

'Strong Christians' don't carry on the way you say your husband is. People deluded by 'false conversions' might. I'd say the evidence is very great right now that your husband really is not a Christian.
I couldn't agree more and is why I keep praying for him. In my heart I know this is not what god would want.....am I wrong for thinking that way?

I think this is a really important point that often gets missed in today's society. Some sins thrive in secrecy - and dragging them out into the light can do wonders. Partly because it's easy to rationalize something while it's under our control... but once the news gets out, all of a sudden control is lost, and we realise that we're horribly embarrassed about our sin... and the rationalizations disappear. Being a new christian, you might not realise that this advice comes straight from Jesus.
Wow, I didn't know that! You make a great point...when the sins are brought out into the open they do lose all rationalizations. When my hubby 1st told me of all this, he asked me not say anything because at each of our jobs we both have friends and he was worried of the truth coming out...and people knowing. I have not said anything to anyone, however I have talked to his mother like you said not asking for her to talk to him but for her help in trying to understand this. And knowing her strong Christian faith would help guide me.

Once again thank you for all your help and most importantly your words...being a new christian and having to deal with something like this can be very hard, and easy to get lost along the way. Many thanks and may god bless you for your sharing of the word.

Evangelina · May 28, 2007

'I want mercy, not sacrifice'... hmmm, can't see how that justifies breaking wedding vows...

So you two aren't going to church?

nowhereville · May 29, 2007

Honestly, I think you should contact this woman's husband and let him know.

The insulation of secrecy makes the affair seem so special and magic, but when the cold hard light of reality shines it it oftens appears to be what it is cheap and meaningless. Affairs require a lot of smoke, mirrors, and secrecy to thrive (not unlike every other sin we commit).

I would definity speak with leadership of your church and the spouse of his mistress. This is not all about you waiting for him to make choice - you have some too.

Percephanie · May 29, 2007

Evangelina,
Yes I do go to church, I go to the same church his parents go to but he will not go. The pastor is amazing and I feel very comfortable there however he does not and says he doesn't like the pastor and never has. He went to this same church years ago grewing up but stop going. When I was baptized 2 weeks ago, he said he would go and I wanted him there so our son could share in this amazing part of my life, needless to say he stayed up late the night before and had a hangover. So I ended going myself...it was hard but I did it and my son sat behind with me and was able to watch everything. I am working on my classes at church, my son and I are going together and learning together.

I have thought about letting her husband know...becuase I am sure he doesn't. I see him when I pull up to pick up my husband.

Jadiell · May 29, 2007

I really think the best step forward might be to talk to his parents about it. Do you get on well with them? Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it? As Evangelina said, scripture says we should take along 2 or 3 witnesses, and I think his parents would be the most suitable people to talk to him with you about it.

I realise you may have said you'd keep it a secret, but the other people who have responded are right: what your husband is doing is not right or good in any shape way or form, and God does not approve. Your husband needs to realise this as well, or he may fall hook line and sinker and destroy two marriages, not one. Could you talk to him about it and tell him you're thinking about telling his parents, and see how he responds? I really think they will want to know, and should know, for his sake, as well as yours.

Ari5 · May 29, 2007

You got alot of good advice here!! Heed the advice & put it into practice. I agree that you should contact her spouse & tell him how his wife is acting. Also I would not tolerate this behaviour, he is breaking his wedding vows to you.

You say he thinks these are "signs" from God??!!! I'll tell you who they are signs from, they are from satan!! Satan is putting lies into his head & right now he is so confused he cannot see the truth. That is what satan does to destroy marriages.

He has absolutely NO RIGHT to be talking or seeing this other woman & you have EVERY RIGHT to insist he not see her or talk to her anymore.

I agree with Marv, in that you should go to your church & tell them about this & ask for help. Go today! We are here for you, Ari

Ari5 · May 29, 2007

You got alot of good advice here!! Heed the advice & put it into practice. I agree that you should contact her spouse & tell him how his wife is acting. Also I would not tolerate this behaviour, he is breaking his wedding vows to you.

You say he thinks these are "signs" from God??!!! I'll tell you who they are signs from, they are from satan!! Satan is putting lies into his head & right now he is so confused he cannot see the truth. That is what satan does to destroy marriages.

He has absolutely NO RIGHT to be talking or seeing this other woman & you have EVERY RIGHT to insist he not see her or talk to her anymore.

I agree with Marv, in that you should go to your church & tell them about this & ask for help. Go today! We are here for you, Ari

Windmill · Jun 1, 2007

Percephanie said:
I want to say thank you so very much for sharing your wisdom.

My husband grew up with a very strong christian background, and was baptized at the age of 9. Both his parents are strong Christians as well. I myself was just baptized only 2 weeks ago at the age of 30 . I feel god has been helping me find my way through all this...I knew I had to give myself to the lord...and ever since then I have had this peace within me that amazing. Before I was an easy target for Satan, but not anymore.

With this being said, the signs he says he is seeing such as the lady bug, the tattoos, and just the other day he was outside said he saw a lizard over a toyota symbol which he said is an angel with a halo (her). I told him to make sure these "signs" are from god and not from somewhere else. I am trying to be understanding because like I have said, I would never want to step in the way of gods will, however I don't believe it is god's well. I am not saying this just because I don't want it to be true but I feel my husband has some "issues" he has to work out and in a way is being "tested" in some way or another.
I have been reading and the message that keeps coming up was stepping out of the boat and walk on water with god....I believe my boat is me losing myself for a period of time in the marriage (getting to comfortable) and I need to step out of my boat and become the christian I was ment to be, I also have been praying to understand where I belong in this...and the only answer I get is to stay where I am at.

Thank you again for all the support! I know I will get through this and it's not going to be easy but I know I will come out on top because I have god by my side.
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Hi there! I am not married or even close to it... but I have some advise I think might be handy!

THIS COULD NEVER BE GODS WILL!!!

Gods will is for us not to sin, right? Well, your husband leaving you to be with this "soul mate" is a SIN. It is a sin to divorce, unless the person you are divorcing has committed adultery;

[bible]Matthew 19:3-9[/bible]

So him divorcing you for this reason would mean he is committing a sin. Him then remarrying is a sin. The one that divorces is the one that cannot remarry, else it is a sin.

So basically he would be committing sin, which is surely not Gods will. What he is doing right now is hurtful to you and unfaithful. As I am not married, I cannot give advise any further than this sorry

MyaShane · Jun 1, 2007

First of all, Im praying for your situation. Youre in a very tough place right now especially for one so new in her walk with God.

As others have said, God has very specific guidelines for marriage and it is His will that those of us who are married remain so unless only a few circumstances occur (i.e. death of one of us, adultery, abandonment). Not how we may feel about a new person entering our lives or whether or not that new person has a similar tattoo. Im sorry, but thats just silly. I dont go much for signs because theyre so difficult to determine even if we have great faith. The truth is, if you want something bad enough you can always find a sign telling you to can have it. Im sorry to say that I believe there may be bigger issues in your marriage and hes looking for ways to justify satisfying his desire only. Have you discussed some type of counseling with your husband and if so, is he willing to go in order to save your marriage? That would be very telling.

You are doing everything right so far with praying, and keeping close to God. Good for you. I also agree that you should talk with someone close to you to alert them to whats going on, you need that support around you.

Whitestone · Jun 3, 2007

1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

I am not saying you should leave him, but if he wants to go the Lord said its ok to let em go. 1 Cor has some good advice about unbelieving spouses.

I also would get his parents involved. We are advised to have witnesses when confronting an immoral brother. Parents are great getting kids to think properly.

I think you should let the other person's husband know whats going on, if only for the sake that it is the right thing to do.

I hope this helps
Whitestone

TankGirl · Jun 3, 2007

You have received awesome advice

Firstly, this definitely NOT God's will. Absolutely, completely, utterly, no question.

Secondly, a sign is only from God if it is in line with His Word. Since you have been shown that his actions are completely AGAINST God's word, then any signs confirming his actions CANNOT be from God.

Thirdly, I am concerned that there is something spiritual going on...

Eph 6 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Read the WHOLE passage, it will help you, I'm sure). Y

ou have said that this woman causes this kind of chaos wherever she goes. Your husband reports feeling unusual "pull" and can sense her when she's near (not to mention his wanting to be secretive & twisting scripture to try & justify his position)...it REALLY sounds to me like there's some bad spirit operating through her.

I STRONGLY suggest that you take this to the elders of your church as soon as possible, and ask for some serious prayer. Try reading Ephesians 6:10-end each morning.

My prayers are with you.

DZoolander · Jun 3, 2007

Percephanie said:
I am new to the christian forums and new in my christian walk. I am facing some struggles and not sure how to deal with them. If there is anyone out there that can help me have a deepier understanding.

My marriage is falling apart before my eyes. The struggles with my marriage started when my husband got a new job, he met this girl who he thinks is his soul mate...she thinks the samething. It's been almost a year now and they email each other daily. She is also married with children. When my husband 1st told me about this I told him he needed to pray for us and that we make it through this trying time. My husband says he has been praying but that he sees signs that they are ment for each other. When I say signs he says they have matching tatoos of lizards not the same but both are lizards and he said a lady bug landed on his arm and he said a vision of her. He says he is going to wait it out to see what happenes. We have 8 months on our lease at the apartments where we are at and he says that if she is not divorced by then it wasn't ment to be and that sometimes soul mates never get to be together. To my understanding she has met other men while in her marriage that she has gotten close to but always goes back to her husband in the end. I am very lost and scared of where I and our son fit into this puzzle. If this is god's will I don't want to stand in the way. I am stuggling with the idea that god's plan would be to take a father from his wife and son who have a wonderful life together....I am still very new in my christian walk and learning everyday however I am torn with my feelings. The only thing that seems to get me through these times is my faith and knowing god has a wonderful plan for my son and I.

If anyone out there that can help I would greatly appreciate the time.

Thanks for listening
God bless!

YOU'RE MARRIED!!!!

This type of nonsense is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY unacceptable between married people.

What??? He's waiting to see if she divorces before he determines what he's going to do with YOU...his WIFE???

He's clearly made the choice. If she *were* available, she's the one for him. That's his choice. You don't sit around on the wings relegating yourself to being his runner up booby prize in the event that it turns out that she's not willing to ditch her husband. Screw that.

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