That wasn't what I meant. But I'll phrase it differently to illustrate my point.
Just because you look someone in the eye doesn't mean you trust them enough to bear your soul. The whole concept of friendship and community is supposed to provide an avenue for sharing. Yet many flock to the Internet to query strangers about personal matters. Ranging from faith, relationships, health, and so on. Where is their support network?
You wouldn't question random strangers about serious affairs. Yet it occurs. There's no difference between the two. I've watched this unfold for over twenty years. Well before social media existed. I've been on the Internet since the early days.
It began with mailing groups, chat rooms, and forums and morphed to social media. People shared their lives all along. They acknowledged things in this space they couldn't admit to others in person. Why?
I met my best friend online and she's on the site. We've been friends for 19 years. There's nothing I can say here that I can't tell her. But there's a lot I've shared with her I'd never tell you.
Because she knows me...loves me...and accepts me. I don't have to camouflage myself or downplay the truth in her presence. I can be the real me completely. I don't have to turn to strangers for that.
Which is why there's no help bella threads. You can't advise me without understanding my character. You're scratching the surface and I want feedback that hits home. From someone who knows and understands me.
I can be authentically me in the company of friends and family. They're my advisors. We talk about everything. Including my love life. They know what I'm doing here. It isn't an escape.
But that isn't the same for most. They can't be real with everyone. They can share some things but others stay under wraps. They need anonymity to be themselves. That's what brought them here. Sometimes it's driven by interests. But most times it's driven by lack. I've seen both.
When we don't invest in relationships there's a reason. An unmet need we haven't received. We respond in three ways: lean in, pull back, or walk away. We're selfish creatures. When we get what we want we like it. You don't stop connecting with the person who meets your wants and needs. That feels good.
But the one who falls short may be pushed aside or replaced. That's the elephant in the room. When people check out there's a cause. It isn't random. They know why they don't want to be bothered. Maybe they don't admit it. But they know.
Some of the 'shallow' relationships are real time. Connections we've maintained because they're familiar. But there's not a lot of depth. While some have nowhere to turn and the Internet is the lone source for support. That isn't the case for most. They have empty or unfulfilling relationships and seek company elsewhere.
The Internet spoiled us and created an Oz effect. Everything you've ever wanted is here. But it makes you devalue what you have. Because it's imperfect. That's why I value tenure. When you walk with someone for a long time you see everything. The whole outweighs the parts.
I would never replace anyone in my life with someone I talk to online. And I would never place anyone I converse with above the ones I know. There's no comparison. But if we want to go deep we have to pour into others. It takes more than text messages to get there.