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Wow!

Some one, anonymous, just blessed with with a lot of blessing. I wish I knew who to thank. I have been hopefully here, I have wanted to run away from here.

I am struggling. I have the Lord pulling at my heart big time. I have irrational parts of me saying to run, you will never be good enough for him, you are not worthy to set into a house of worship, you are not worthy of his forgiveness.

Right now I should be joyful that I feel him. I am but at the same time, I am not. I am scared, I am nervous, I am anxious. I am scared I will grow close then run away.

I am scared of finding a church, going to it, feel like I am welcomed into the flock of those who love the Lord, only to become an outsider because some won't understand issues I deal with. Bipolar, ocd, anxiety and BPD.

I have found much encouragement here.

I still feel lost and hopeless. All I can do is pray and try to hear God as he guides me.