well I must admit I'm kind of going through a form of "midlife crisis". Not due to my age, or the fact that they're the first or the oldest. I know it's due to the way I've had to micromanage in my style of parenting- in regards to them.
Again not because they're the first, but because of how they have been over the years.
It isn't easy to back off due to my obsessive personality (not in the real technical sense, like I have disturbing thoughts I can't get out of my head or something) some might say "addictive personality" - though I haven't read up on what "they" think that all entails.
I would call it on the good side:
persistant, pervailing, determined, goal-minded...
Or part of it also could be due to ADD- hyper-focus.
Once I get focused on something I can really get focused & lock jawed onto something...and I find it not easy to let go & switch focus.
So for years I've had to "lock onto" keeping a very watchful eye over my son, gotten used to cleaning up his messes over & over, taking responsiblity for him, constantly trying to direct & redirect him.
I know it's time to back off. Not only because of the age now, but also because it seems he's finally gotten serious and has given his life over to God. So the Holy Spirit is supposed to be the one to direct him now LOL.
Of course it's more personal than w other people no matter how close. Even if they weren't adult I didn't have the level of responsibility as for my own child (others had bio parents who bore the most resp.). Plus, because they're my child I just have those common parental feelings of like- "my family is splitting up, disintigrating, getting smaller"...and ok I don't like this!
And it sure doesn't help that he's not the warm fuzzy attached type. So I'm getting bothered that he seems to be being so cold about this (even though I knew this all along about him). ????
LOL I mean he was the baby that would get stiff as a board & turn away when someone held them. He was the child who came out of the womb making it clear he was going to run his own life and do whatever he wanted to do- and of course he knew best (even when it was made evident through some mess- that he didn't). Yes he could figure everything out for himself and didn't need to listen to anybody about anything. He was the one who never felt guilty about anything, and aside from when they were a baby, never cries.
OK OK what should I expect then now???
Still if God has changed him, then shouldn't I expect a bit of care? Shouldn't he now get some sense of gratitude, some sense of family loyalty???? God changed me- He gave me (finally) some natural affection.
Ug and like they still are so cold & hard towards someone who's tried to be nothing but helpful (to the best of their ability)... when 1. they aren't their own child- the grandchild of the sister that practically hated them & treated them like dog-. 2. They have next to nothing and they still did stuff for them & gave them money. 3. They have heavy psycholgical issues (demonically influenced)...
And youre gonna be like that???...grrr Lord they still need God to do something- seriously. Yes I know part is connected to the antisocial (and possibly some NPD) tendancies that run in our families... but it's not like how I grew up- like God and help was\is nowhere in the picture...
Yes I am thankful and thank God, that he isn't running around on the streets, in a gang, partying, addicted to something, got some gal preganant or something. And I suppose he could be a worse person (Like w NPD lol).
Actually in many ways I appreciate his personality: he's forgiving doesn't hold onto grudges, non bitter envious or jealous, non malicious or petty, good conversationist, good writer, observant, confident, foward thinking, hopeful, big- tent mentality, non bigoted or predjudiced, open to meeting new people & places, persistant, when he gets a goal & can focus can work hard & compleate a task- and not in a half baked way. Got more social graces than me (probably from his grandma & father- that's the part that could lean NPD if overdone)... And thankfully he's gotten over his past vanity, and being materialistic!
I figured this all was coming, so I wanted to make this a "happening yr." like go out with a bang, like have this yr.- spend more time together & all esp. the holidays. I had this great big vague plan- that has NOT worked out as I had wanted. So his attitude has left me feeling hurt & sad. and not being able to make things play out as I had hoped- him not going w my plan has made me frustrated & mad. Like you are getting in the way of & are spoiling my big fun plan grrr.
Plus I'm thinking and telling them, I know you're not like your brother & I, thinking about "life" and all. I was like that since I was a teen, being aware and thinking about the meaning of life & death, and the immediacy of the passing of time...
SO look you only have so many yrs. to spend w your family, only so many Christmas seasons- and then it's gone. As in gone like you can never get back... and this season is only one month ( me counting the weekends-16 days)...is that really too much to ask out of the 365 days a yr?
And again there goes my grand plan...in the coming yrs it probably won't even be that many days- this may be our last time as a family.... why can't you get this???
I hope and pray he will get a sense, so that when I die my children (and theirs, if they have any) will still get together for the holidays :.(
instead of him being so cold, disloyal & ungrateful, running around doing this & that he could do any other time...
oh and the hypocrisy of how it doesn't bother him if someone else is askign him or dragging him here & there ( serive is one thing but to a watch a stupid ungodly movie?). Who are the people who put up with all your --- all these yrs. me, his father & brother...who tried to do the best we could etc etc....
well I need to go off and "do something"
because it's reminding me how sad & mad I am about this....
Again not because they're the first, but because of how they have been over the years.
It isn't easy to back off due to my obsessive personality (not in the real technical sense, like I have disturbing thoughts I can't get out of my head or something) some might say "addictive personality" - though I haven't read up on what "they" think that all entails.
I would call it on the good side:
persistant, pervailing, determined, goal-minded...
Or part of it also could be due to ADD- hyper-focus.
Once I get focused on something I can really get focused & lock jawed onto something...and I find it not easy to let go & switch focus.
So for years I've had to "lock onto" keeping a very watchful eye over my son, gotten used to cleaning up his messes over & over, taking responsiblity for him, constantly trying to direct & redirect him.
I know it's time to back off. Not only because of the age now, but also because it seems he's finally gotten serious and has given his life over to God. So the Holy Spirit is supposed to be the one to direct him now LOL.
Of course it's more personal than w other people no matter how close. Even if they weren't adult I didn't have the level of responsibility as for my own child (others had bio parents who bore the most resp.). Plus, because they're my child I just have those common parental feelings of like- "my family is splitting up, disintigrating, getting smaller"...and ok I don't like this!
And it sure doesn't help that he's not the warm fuzzy attached type. So I'm getting bothered that he seems to be being so cold about this (even though I knew this all along about him). ????
LOL I mean he was the baby that would get stiff as a board & turn away when someone held them. He was the child who came out of the womb making it clear he was going to run his own life and do whatever he wanted to do- and of course he knew best (even when it was made evident through some mess- that he didn't). Yes he could figure everything out for himself and didn't need to listen to anybody about anything. He was the one who never felt guilty about anything, and aside from when they were a baby, never cries.
OK OK what should I expect then now???
Still if God has changed him, then shouldn't I expect a bit of care? Shouldn't he now get some sense of gratitude, some sense of family loyalty???? God changed me- He gave me (finally) some natural affection.
Ug and like they still are so cold & hard towards someone who's tried to be nothing but helpful (to the best of their ability)... when 1. they aren't their own child- the grandchild of the sister that practically hated them & treated them like dog-. 2. They have next to nothing and they still did stuff for them & gave them money. 3. They have heavy psycholgical issues (demonically influenced)...
And youre gonna be like that???...grrr Lord they still need God to do something- seriously. Yes I know part is connected to the antisocial (and possibly some NPD) tendancies that run in our families... but it's not like how I grew up- like God and help was\is nowhere in the picture...
Yes I am thankful and thank God, that he isn't running around on the streets, in a gang, partying, addicted to something, got some gal preganant or something. And I suppose he could be a worse person (Like w NPD lol).
Actually in many ways I appreciate his personality: he's forgiving doesn't hold onto grudges, non bitter envious or jealous, non malicious or petty, good conversationist, good writer, observant, confident, foward thinking, hopeful, big- tent mentality, non bigoted or predjudiced, open to meeting new people & places, persistant, when he gets a goal & can focus can work hard & compleate a task- and not in a half baked way. Got more social graces than me (probably from his grandma & father- that's the part that could lean NPD if overdone)... And thankfully he's gotten over his past vanity, and being materialistic!
I figured this all was coming, so I wanted to make this a "happening yr." like go out with a bang, like have this yr.- spend more time together & all esp. the holidays. I had this great big vague plan- that has NOT worked out as I had wanted. So his attitude has left me feeling hurt & sad. and not being able to make things play out as I had hoped- him not going w my plan has made me frustrated & mad. Like you are getting in the way of & are spoiling my big fun plan grrr.
Plus I'm thinking and telling them, I know you're not like your brother & I, thinking about "life" and all. I was like that since I was a teen, being aware and thinking about the meaning of life & death, and the immediacy of the passing of time...
SO look you only have so many yrs. to spend w your family, only so many Christmas seasons- and then it's gone. As in gone like you can never get back... and this season is only one month ( me counting the weekends-16 days)...is that really too much to ask out of the 365 days a yr?
And again there goes my grand plan...in the coming yrs it probably won't even be that many days- this may be our last time as a family.... why can't you get this???
I hope and pray he will get a sense, so that when I die my children (and theirs, if they have any) will still get together for the holidays :.(
instead of him being so cold, disloyal & ungrateful, running around doing this & that he could do any other time...
oh and the hypocrisy of how it doesn't bother him if someone else is askign him or dragging him here & there ( serive is one thing but to a watch a stupid ungodly movie?). Who are the people who put up with all your --- all these yrs. me, his father & brother...who tried to do the best we could etc etc....
well I need to go off and "do something"
because it's reminding me how sad & mad I am about this....