I don't know how to write about the girl at the meetings. I think deep down she likes me, I don't know. , I think she is not honest. And that is the whole of it.
No matter what direction I go. I end up hurt. So I do not go near.
I will never get the truth from her. Its a shame. If I play her game and she is in control. I might at sometime get the truth from her. It will never happen.
Im forced to be at meetings with her. I cant look at her or acknowledge her.
Im going to have to trust God. I think a big problem is; I have no other support. Im in meetings with no one else, nothing else. I have no other life.
Im on the verge of " cleaning house" in my life. This literally means, being able to organize stuff again in the real world. Ive been working on this for 15 years. Im not present enough yet. Im close.
Im in the middle of growing pains. Its very lonely... ITs hard..
Im very close. Its a miracle, it also hurts very much..
The girl at the meetings is one of those stale mate situations. It cant be resolved. Its like the two sides of Korea. They negotiate every month... Nothing ever changes.
Im afraid I lost her before I ever got started. I do not have the social skills to get her back, if I did, she would deny everything. Its a perfect stalemate. Its like the syrian civil war. They will never be friends.. Only one side can win..
----
Im going to have to learn to take God with me. I cannot make other people into Gods.
I hate people with no conscious, they don't care about anything, and they never care about the truth.. Its always about them regardless, they are never thinking about anyone but themselves, all day long.
If I wasn't so alone or lonely none of this would matter.
I need to take God with me. The world tries to eat me up. It cares nothing for me...
I will never be the person other people want me to be.
I have allot of stuff that is wrong when dealing with other people. I have to be influenced only by God, and nothing else. Lots of people want to destroy good people like me. They care nothing for me. They are trying to create resentments and trouble. I must stay away from all of it. I must trust God and not get involved with any of it. Or anyone from it. This is very hard and entangling.
Dear God, help me wake up! Help me to be rid of all of this insanity..
No matter what direction I go. I end up hurt. So I do not go near.
I will never get the truth from her. Its a shame. If I play her game and she is in control. I might at sometime get the truth from her. It will never happen.
Im forced to be at meetings with her. I cant look at her or acknowledge her.
Im going to have to trust God. I think a big problem is; I have no other support. Im in meetings with no one else, nothing else. I have no other life.
Im on the verge of " cleaning house" in my life. This literally means, being able to organize stuff again in the real world. Ive been working on this for 15 years. Im not present enough yet. Im close.
Im in the middle of growing pains. Its very lonely... ITs hard..
Im very close. Its a miracle, it also hurts very much..
The girl at the meetings is one of those stale mate situations. It cant be resolved. Its like the two sides of Korea. They negotiate every month... Nothing ever changes.
Im afraid I lost her before I ever got started. I do not have the social skills to get her back, if I did, she would deny everything. Its a perfect stalemate. Its like the syrian civil war. They will never be friends.. Only one side can win..
----
Im going to have to learn to take God with me. I cannot make other people into Gods.
I hate people with no conscious, they don't care about anything, and they never care about the truth.. Its always about them regardless, they are never thinking about anyone but themselves, all day long.
If I wasn't so alone or lonely none of this would matter.
I need to take God with me. The world tries to eat me up. It cares nothing for me...
I will never be the person other people want me to be.
I have allot of stuff that is wrong when dealing with other people. I have to be influenced only by God, and nothing else. Lots of people want to destroy good people like me. They care nothing for me. They are trying to create resentments and trouble. I must stay away from all of it. I must trust God and not get involved with any of it. Or anyone from it. This is very hard and entangling.
Dear God, help me wake up! Help me to be rid of all of this insanity..