Father, thank You for this new day and new beginning. Please lead, guide, and direct me through this day.
So, I've been in a strange place lately. So much understanding of where we're at in the times keeps coming ... and I'm thankful. But it's been wierd. I think I said it before ... but like giving birth ... and something is coming ...
I'm so aggravated at yesterday! I just don't understand sometimes ... to the point of near insanity ... why, oh, why won't this stop ...
okay ... so the history on yesterday
The end of June my car just gave up the ghost ... no apparent reason ... just done ... and I do mean just done!
(okay ... wow! this just popped into my head 'take thoughts captive'
My poor husband spent the entire summer working endless hours on it. We have a notebook page to the bottom line with new parts and things done. $513. in parts, $38. in registration, $110. in two months insurance (always thinking it would get fixed) and endless hours of labor later ... not a thing chnaged. As I spent the summer without a vehicle so many things the enemy came at me with. Through it I worked to stay postitive and encourage my husband.
2 weeks ago he finally concluded it was the end of the road for the car ... he's a mechanic and not even his mechanic could fix it. Well, the Lord graciously provided a car ... $500 and the guy would take payments. I'd have to be blind not to see the huge blessing in this. The car is the same as the one I had ... just a year newer. So suddenly what was a total loss became 'all things work to the good of those who love Him'. All the new parts we bought will work on this car, it has a brand new alternator, etc. ...
Husband has been stripping the old car for parts for future need ... and to salvage ... it will go to the recycling plant ... and touching up the new one ...
The new car has sat for around 4-5 years under a pine tree ... very close to a mill ... everything outside is continually covered in dirt by-product from this mill ... it's truly the dirtiest car I've ever seen ... layers and layers of mud ... thus far, I have around 8 hours into the car cleaning and a ways to go ... literally buckets and buckets of muddy water from just the dust layers inside the car ... the guy used it for a work car (he's a contractor) before he got his truck ... so there are greasy spots and .... just ick everywhere!
Well, the kicker is I can't handle dirt ... it grosses me out ... and I really can't stand other peoples dirt ... so I've been up and down ... up and down ... up and down ... I see the blessing and am very grateful and thankful ... then I feel cheated ... I bought the other car several years ago because I believed the Lord showed me that one ... it doesn't even have 100,000 miles yet ... it's clean, etc. ... so I start feeling like I did something wrong ... and you get the drift ... the beat goes on ...
Yesterday I literally worked all day to drive those thoughts out ... at some point, I just broke down and cried the rest of the day ... the thing is I don't want to feel that way ... I just can't seem to stop that other voice in my head ... so I kept telling Jesus that ... I don't want to have these thoughts and I know He can drive them out when I can't, etc. All these feelings are complicated by another situation in my life that has my heart in tears. I went to bed feeling let down and very discouraged because I was still having these feelings ...
Somewhere before bed ... something made me remember another incident where the Lord showed me about verbally announcing to the enemy you know it's form him ... I did that in my home ... and here's my public verbal announcement ... I know it's the enemy!!!
we'll see where today goes ...
Back to when I first started this entry ... 'taking captive the thoughts' ... maybe I need to understand what that means precisely ... it certainly is precisely what the problem is ...
Where I'm at for the moment is ... I don't want to have those thoughts any more ... they completely dominate my mind when they come ... they don't last as long any more ... but they still come ... and the only thing I know for sure is ...
Dear, Jesus, I am nothing if not for you ... I love You so much and don't want to let you down and don't want to fall ...
So, I've been in a strange place lately. So much understanding of where we're at in the times keeps coming ... and I'm thankful. But it's been wierd. I think I said it before ... but like giving birth ... and something is coming ...
I'm so aggravated at yesterday! I just don't understand sometimes ... to the point of near insanity ... why, oh, why won't this stop ...
okay ... so the history on yesterday
The end of June my car just gave up the ghost ... no apparent reason ... just done ... and I do mean just done!
(okay ... wow! this just popped into my head 'take thoughts captive'
My poor husband spent the entire summer working endless hours on it. We have a notebook page to the bottom line with new parts and things done. $513. in parts, $38. in registration, $110. in two months insurance (always thinking it would get fixed) and endless hours of labor later ... not a thing chnaged. As I spent the summer without a vehicle so many things the enemy came at me with. Through it I worked to stay postitive and encourage my husband.
2 weeks ago he finally concluded it was the end of the road for the car ... he's a mechanic and not even his mechanic could fix it. Well, the Lord graciously provided a car ... $500 and the guy would take payments. I'd have to be blind not to see the huge blessing in this. The car is the same as the one I had ... just a year newer. So suddenly what was a total loss became 'all things work to the good of those who love Him'. All the new parts we bought will work on this car, it has a brand new alternator, etc. ...
Husband has been stripping the old car for parts for future need ... and to salvage ... it will go to the recycling plant ... and touching up the new one ...
The new car has sat for around 4-5 years under a pine tree ... very close to a mill ... everything outside is continually covered in dirt by-product from this mill ... it's truly the dirtiest car I've ever seen ... layers and layers of mud ... thus far, I have around 8 hours into the car cleaning and a ways to go ... literally buckets and buckets of muddy water from just the dust layers inside the car ... the guy used it for a work car (he's a contractor) before he got his truck ... so there are greasy spots and .... just ick everywhere!
Well, the kicker is I can't handle dirt ... it grosses me out ... and I really can't stand other peoples dirt ... so I've been up and down ... up and down ... up and down ... I see the blessing and am very grateful and thankful ... then I feel cheated ... I bought the other car several years ago because I believed the Lord showed me that one ... it doesn't even have 100,000 miles yet ... it's clean, etc. ... so I start feeling like I did something wrong ... and you get the drift ... the beat goes on ...
Yesterday I literally worked all day to drive those thoughts out ... at some point, I just broke down and cried the rest of the day ... the thing is I don't want to feel that way ... I just can't seem to stop that other voice in my head ... so I kept telling Jesus that ... I don't want to have these thoughts and I know He can drive them out when I can't, etc. All these feelings are complicated by another situation in my life that has my heart in tears. I went to bed feeling let down and very discouraged because I was still having these feelings ...
Somewhere before bed ... something made me remember another incident where the Lord showed me about verbally announcing to the enemy you know it's form him ... I did that in my home ... and here's my public verbal announcement ... I know it's the enemy!!!
we'll see where today goes ...
Back to when I first started this entry ... 'taking captive the thoughts' ... maybe I need to understand what that means precisely ... it certainly is precisely what the problem is ...
Where I'm at for the moment is ... I don't want to have those thoughts any more ... they completely dominate my mind when they come ... they don't last as long any more ... but they still come ... and the only thing I know for sure is ...
Dear, Jesus, I am nothing if not for you ... I love You so much and don't want to let you down and don't want to fall ...