I'm on the road to recovery, so as I said before, I need to be mindful of the company that I keep... even more so than I would be normally. I was gaslighted for so long... that right now, I just need to focus on reestablishing truth, reestablishing what I believe (or rather reestablishing why I know what I believe), regaining my focus. I used to be a deep thinker, analyzer, discusser, debater... but I just don't always have the focus I need to do so anymore... not yet at least. It's been frustrating for a while... but I've come to a place where I'm accepting where I presently am and realizing that it's just a process to get back up.
**I just had a thought... maybe this whole process is really a blessing in the sense that I'm learning NOT to rely so much on my on wisdom. But more so on the wisdom of God.**
This healing and growth is something that I cannot rush. I've got this huge list of topics that I want to learn more about, that I want to know firmly what I believe about. I want to dig into the Bible and study it more deeply than in the past... I want to be more firm in my beliefs than ever before, I want to know that I know that I know (although I think that part of true understanding and wisdom is realizing that some things we can't fully know). My mind, as always, is eager to learn and grow... but I have to be kind and patient with myself for the time being. I must pace myself right now, take it more slowly and trust God to bring me more wisdom and understanding as healing and growth continues.
When you go through tribulation, the temptation to abandon what you know can rise up if you're not already rooted deeply enough. (Of course... when being gaslighted, your belief system is under attack and you don't even realize it until after the fact, which makes you more vulnerable than with typical doubting of faith and beliefs.) You can also develop legalistic thought patterns. I recognize that this is something that I've struggled with, but I've released much of that now and am regaining that healthy balance. It's all a matter of truly believing in and accepting Christ's death on the cross and that we truly are no longer defined by what we do when we accept Him into our hearts, but now by whose we are and what all that entails.
The decision I've made: Though, I've always felt a strong obligation and passion, as a Christian, to speak out on truth... my decision is that those I recognize as not holding the same beliefs as me about the important things in life - I really just need to steer clear of, for the most part, right now. I don't need any added confusion... I've got to focus on regaining my focus and on rooting more deeply my belief system. I'm not saying that I'm not going to be willing to hear others out and to do introspection at times on my thinking in regards to what I learn... it's just that right now I need to know what I believe. In time, I will be ready to discern what I find as worth giving further consideration to or as flat out rejecting, not being in line with God's word. In time, when I'm sure of what I believe and am able to better explain why... I will be able to speak out again.
**After everything that's happened... I recognize, even more, the importance of following God's leading on when to speak out and when not to.**
This blog entry... it feels like it was a total ramble and probably made no sense... oh well, whatever.
**I just had a thought... maybe this whole process is really a blessing in the sense that I'm learning NOT to rely so much on my on wisdom. But more so on the wisdom of God.**
This healing and growth is something that I cannot rush. I've got this huge list of topics that I want to learn more about, that I want to know firmly what I believe about. I want to dig into the Bible and study it more deeply than in the past... I want to be more firm in my beliefs than ever before, I want to know that I know that I know (although I think that part of true understanding and wisdom is realizing that some things we can't fully know). My mind, as always, is eager to learn and grow... but I have to be kind and patient with myself for the time being. I must pace myself right now, take it more slowly and trust God to bring me more wisdom and understanding as healing and growth continues.
When you go through tribulation, the temptation to abandon what you know can rise up if you're not already rooted deeply enough. (Of course... when being gaslighted, your belief system is under attack and you don't even realize it until after the fact, which makes you more vulnerable than with typical doubting of faith and beliefs.) You can also develop legalistic thought patterns. I recognize that this is something that I've struggled with, but I've released much of that now and am regaining that healthy balance. It's all a matter of truly believing in and accepting Christ's death on the cross and that we truly are no longer defined by what we do when we accept Him into our hearts, but now by whose we are and what all that entails.
The decision I've made: Though, I've always felt a strong obligation and passion, as a Christian, to speak out on truth... my decision is that those I recognize as not holding the same beliefs as me about the important things in life - I really just need to steer clear of, for the most part, right now. I don't need any added confusion... I've got to focus on regaining my focus and on rooting more deeply my belief system. I'm not saying that I'm not going to be willing to hear others out and to do introspection at times on my thinking in regards to what I learn... it's just that right now I need to know what I believe. In time, I will be ready to discern what I find as worth giving further consideration to or as flat out rejecting, not being in line with God's word. In time, when I'm sure of what I believe and am able to better explain why... I will be able to speak out again.
**After everything that's happened... I recognize, even more, the importance of following God's leading on when to speak out and when not to.**
This blog entry... it feels like it was a total ramble and probably made no sense... oh well, whatever.