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out on a limb a cliff or whatever...

i guess i think of my blog as my friend although it doesnt talk back. i dont want it to talk back today.
i feel so alone in this struggle alot. dont feel like i can even turn to christian friends. i dont even understand my own heart. what was it, a two weeks ago when in church we put all of our sins on this piece of paper and puff, they were supposed to be all gone. i wasnt supposed to have to deal with sexual attractions and stuff. and i wasnt supposed to feel like if this wasnt wrong i would be gay all the way. but this is not the way it is to be. god matters. what he says matters not matter if everyone in the world thinks he doesnt. he doesnt and his laws his word matters. i guess i'm just talking to myself.
blessestohonorgod