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October 6th

Hi. Today I worked a lot on school work. I got kind of obsessed with my homework and read it over and over again, kind of unnecessarily. I'm swamped with so much work. I keep making stupid bets in my head too. Last night I made another bet and I'm really angry at myself for doing it.

I keep thinking Jesus hates me. The nice voice in my head keeps saying Jesus loves, but I keep disagreeing with it. I keep thinking that I'm going to hell forever. I've been going to church, but I might not go tomorrow because I don't have a ride. I'd have to wake up early and take public transportation.

I've never been baptized either. Sometimes I worry that I can't be saved unless I get baptized, but I made a bet about getting baptized, so I'm afraid to do it.

Here is a Christian song I've been listening to. I really like Twila Paris.


Anyway, that's what is going on in my life right now. I'm really pessimistic. Sometimes even the nice voice says, "What can you do if God and Jesus hate you so bad."