Well, I'm really upset with myself. I think I just made a bet that will kill me. I'm pretty certain I have mad cow disease now because I made a bet in my head with the devil. I wasn't trying to make the bet, I was just really struggling with doing crazy things and then I made the bet because I was trying to stop myself from doing something crazy. And now I feel like I'm really dead. I should have been thankful for what I had. I really thought terrible things would happen, so I guess I was right. I don't think anyone will believe I have mad cow disease until I finally die. I really shouldn't have made that bet, but it was destined to happen. God was telling me about the bet years before I did it, so that I would know that it is destiny. I think I must be the most horrible person who has ever lived for this to be happening. The voices in my head are laughing at me and telling me that it is over. They say I'm going to be in a coffin forever because I'm a horrible person.