Feeling like It's all too hard. I have no energy, no strength to fight anymore. I try to bring myself to pray and I just have no energy to do it anymore.
I used to be eager to pray. I used to be what felt like full of faith but now it's all gone due to the disaster that happened in 2010.
I can't seem to get the strength or the courage to pray, to turn to God like I used too. Why out of all the things I have been put through, the thing that happened in 2010 has changed me so much. Have I changed for the better or for the worst, Are people right about me, I am on the road to hell, un forgiveness is eating at me, it is going to destroy me. Confused, confused. Why do Christians always feel the need to tell me what I should be doing..They always good at analogizing me. I just wish things would go back to the way they where and I am trying so hard to get them back there, what if i never get them back to how they where, then what , it's the end of me? How can God send me to hell, when I have done my hardest to believe in him, to follow him in all these years, I could have turned my back on him several times and can do it now but obviously I have not done it yet as I am still here, still on this forum. Why can't i gain the strength to pray, I used to trust & now I don't. I tried trusting and it failed, I just feel like what I believed in for years was just a pack of lies. Ah I just wish the confusion would leave me alone, i feel like it is eating me up, trying to kill me. I want things to go back to the way they where. I want to be able to build up trust, to build up a good friendship to be able to talk to God but I just can not bring myself to do it, it seems like a time waster but then again I know that it's not. I am really torn and really confused. How can a loving God make me feel this way , how can he do what he did & not help me when I have asked for his help over and over and over again. Feels like Christianity/relationship with God, I feel i am being tormented by him, how can he say he loves me honestly when he knows how i feel but doesn't help fix me. he knows what is wrong but won't do anything about it and i have yelled and asked him so much. Am I the only one who feels like this, who is going through this.
Sometimes I just wish I had a friend who would listen to me, help me through just be able to talk to me regularly just be able to tell me that things will be o.k and that things will go back to the way they where and I just wish someone would take me under their wings, I just wish I could find some genuine Christian who i could talk to on a weekly basis that i can be open and honest and that they would really care for me, some one who would see my side of things, not judge me, not condemn me. Just treat me with true love. This I have not yet experienced with those who say they love the lord. I need building up and engorgement and a good strong christian friend one who won't bring me down when I happen to possibly do the wrong thing. If someone like this came to my aid, maybe i would see there is hope, maybe i would see a different side to what i have seen. I think it would do me good to have a person like that and that they will become a real good friend not just a friend but someone i can call sister or brother. i need a family since I don't have really one of my own. It hurts that mine don't love me, it feels like they don't. I need good people around me, true people, not fake people like who seem to stick to me like super glue. I want my life to change & don't know how to make it change, I've tried and feels like I am losing hope, that I don't know what my future holds and kind a feels like I don't care, nothing good will come from it, i don't have my family i have no one. I feel like i am talking to a brick wall when it comes to people, that i am not loved and not even liked. I know i am probably just not making sense with how i am talking, i have had trouble in the past with suicide. I want to be healed inside and out and to be able to shine, it is what my life used to be like and just isn't like that anymore. lots of dribbling here that don't make sense but oh well that's life, it never makes sense. Where is the help i need, the true friend i need. The Angel. I need an Angle and I need something good that will change my life and help me get my life back on track. WHERE OH WHERE IS IT AND WHERE CAN IT BE.
I used to be eager to pray. I used to be what felt like full of faith but now it's all gone due to the disaster that happened in 2010.
I can't seem to get the strength or the courage to pray, to turn to God like I used too. Why out of all the things I have been put through, the thing that happened in 2010 has changed me so much. Have I changed for the better or for the worst, Are people right about me, I am on the road to hell, un forgiveness is eating at me, it is going to destroy me. Confused, confused. Why do Christians always feel the need to tell me what I should be doing..They always good at analogizing me. I just wish things would go back to the way they where and I am trying so hard to get them back there, what if i never get them back to how they where, then what , it's the end of me? How can God send me to hell, when I have done my hardest to believe in him, to follow him in all these years, I could have turned my back on him several times and can do it now but obviously I have not done it yet as I am still here, still on this forum. Why can't i gain the strength to pray, I used to trust & now I don't. I tried trusting and it failed, I just feel like what I believed in for years was just a pack of lies. Ah I just wish the confusion would leave me alone, i feel like it is eating me up, trying to kill me. I want things to go back to the way they where. I want to be able to build up trust, to build up a good friendship to be able to talk to God but I just can not bring myself to do it, it seems like a time waster but then again I know that it's not. I am really torn and really confused. How can a loving God make me feel this way , how can he do what he did & not help me when I have asked for his help over and over and over again. Feels like Christianity/relationship with God, I feel i am being tormented by him, how can he say he loves me honestly when he knows how i feel but doesn't help fix me. he knows what is wrong but won't do anything about it and i have yelled and asked him so much. Am I the only one who feels like this, who is going through this.
Sometimes I just wish I had a friend who would listen to me, help me through just be able to talk to me regularly just be able to tell me that things will be o.k and that things will go back to the way they where and I just wish someone would take me under their wings, I just wish I could find some genuine Christian who i could talk to on a weekly basis that i can be open and honest and that they would really care for me, some one who would see my side of things, not judge me, not condemn me. Just treat me with true love. This I have not yet experienced with those who say they love the lord. I need building up and engorgement and a good strong christian friend one who won't bring me down when I happen to possibly do the wrong thing. If someone like this came to my aid, maybe i would see there is hope, maybe i would see a different side to what i have seen. I think it would do me good to have a person like that and that they will become a real good friend not just a friend but someone i can call sister or brother. i need a family since I don't have really one of my own. It hurts that mine don't love me, it feels like they don't. I need good people around me, true people, not fake people like who seem to stick to me like super glue. I want my life to change & don't know how to make it change, I've tried and feels like I am losing hope, that I don't know what my future holds and kind a feels like I don't care, nothing good will come from it, i don't have my family i have no one. I feel like i am talking to a brick wall when it comes to people, that i am not loved and not even liked. I know i am probably just not making sense with how i am talking, i have had trouble in the past with suicide. I want to be healed inside and out and to be able to shine, it is what my life used to be like and just isn't like that anymore. lots of dribbling here that don't make sense but oh well that's life, it never makes sense. Where is the help i need, the true friend i need. The Angel. I need an Angle and I need something good that will change my life and help me get my life back on track. WHERE OH WHERE IS IT AND WHERE CAN IT BE.