Kinda; a newer day! '
Im interested in hip hop beats, using the equipment. I like its world. Its something I could get into and hide.
I hate getting into something then finding out its not mine anymore!
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Recovery is hard! very hard, real hard! day after day after day! Im subject to the wrong people. But, they are people! Slowly Im getting stronger..
I must be around people. Isolation is a killer. So the meetings come in handy! anything else sucks.
Im in the beginning or start of a new arena. ITs not the final arena, just an arena... its an important climb. Im not at the beginning. Ive been climbing the mountain for sometime. Im at the beginning of a new peak. I must climb it! Im not looking forward to it!
ITs going to be painful and exposing, and Im all alone. I have God! I suppose its now that I need God.
Why is it! that when you need people close, they disappear into the woodwork as if you never knew them..
Its treacherous being around people; they are not my friends, and when the real colors are revealed, the truth is revealed. I am alone again! Why! I will have to talk to God about this.
Many times in my life people cut short! they run out on you! THey turn coat as soon as I am in genuine trouble or change!,. They turn coat when I need them!
The changes are occurring, its very slow, Im very lucky!
With out a group of people, my mind floats away! and I float away with it! I never come back. I stay in constant trauma.. Im waiting on God! or working forward things; Im still waiting on God. I have to be mature enough for the next journey and I must finish the one Ive just started...
I need Gods help! I have to learn to trust God and believe. I must believe in faith! Im not believing in faith when things get harder! I start to panic and I am not developed to trust God; not in the way; in this specific way that I need to!
------------------------------
There are no laws that say a mother and father must love there children. A mother or father can psychologically abuse there children to death! and they do! its hatred and contempt against the innocence of children!
-----------------------------------
How is a decent man suppose to live out here. How is it possible.
I am in great fear of change. I am inside self as a child. And the child does not want to let go of the parents or the life I came from! The child must let go a little bit, that the child come present to live in the here and now and start over! I know its hard! its terrible. This life has been a terrible place.
I blame no one! People have created this mess! not God!
People are worse then barn animals!
I envy the animals in the zoo! They have a safe place to hide from the humans...
----
Im working my way through the walls of pain and glory! Im working my way through the walls of sadness and hysteria.
Im on one side, Im on the other side; and the two shall meet on the front porch!~ They shall have a meeting!
my anxiety is of the PTSD world. and slowly, very slowly it is changing...
Im interested in hip hop beats, using the equipment. I like its world. Its something I could get into and hide.
I hate getting into something then finding out its not mine anymore!
-----
Recovery is hard! very hard, real hard! day after day after day! Im subject to the wrong people. But, they are people! Slowly Im getting stronger..
I must be around people. Isolation is a killer. So the meetings come in handy! anything else sucks.
Im in the beginning or start of a new arena. ITs not the final arena, just an arena... its an important climb. Im not at the beginning. Ive been climbing the mountain for sometime. Im at the beginning of a new peak. I must climb it! Im not looking forward to it!
ITs going to be painful and exposing, and Im all alone. I have God! I suppose its now that I need God.
Why is it! that when you need people close, they disappear into the woodwork as if you never knew them..
Its treacherous being around people; they are not my friends, and when the real colors are revealed, the truth is revealed. I am alone again! Why! I will have to talk to God about this.
Many times in my life people cut short! they run out on you! THey turn coat as soon as I am in genuine trouble or change!,. They turn coat when I need them!
The changes are occurring, its very slow, Im very lucky!
With out a group of people, my mind floats away! and I float away with it! I never come back. I stay in constant trauma.. Im waiting on God! or working forward things; Im still waiting on God. I have to be mature enough for the next journey and I must finish the one Ive just started...
I need Gods help! I have to learn to trust God and believe. I must believe in faith! Im not believing in faith when things get harder! I start to panic and I am not developed to trust God; not in the way; in this specific way that I need to!
------------------------------
There are no laws that say a mother and father must love there children. A mother or father can psychologically abuse there children to death! and they do! its hatred and contempt against the innocence of children!
-----------------------------------
How is a decent man suppose to live out here. How is it possible.
I am in great fear of change. I am inside self as a child. And the child does not want to let go of the parents or the life I came from! The child must let go a little bit, that the child come present to live in the here and now and start over! I know its hard! its terrible. This life has been a terrible place.
I blame no one! People have created this mess! not God!
People are worse then barn animals!
I envy the animals in the zoo! They have a safe place to hide from the humans...
----
Im working my way through the walls of pain and glory! Im working my way through the walls of sadness and hysteria.
Im on one side, Im on the other side; and the two shall meet on the front porch!~ They shall have a meeting!
my anxiety is of the PTSD world. and slowly, very slowly it is changing...