Today was a very rough day for myself. i felt alone, worthless and my life not meaning anything. so i did something to myself and im tottaly not proud of what happened next. my thoughts were bleak. i just wanted to go home. in the thing im not proud of, a voice came to me and said "Your worth more than this." so i left work and spent time with my mother. my mother and i have a very frail relationship. but today she took me to one of the most beautiful places ever. im looking at the sun, and im like wow..God made that. Im looking at flowers and im like wow God made these for me to enjoy. i sat down closed my eyes and i heard birds singing. i thought wow, how beautiful is this music God wanted me to hear. I got down on my knees and i prayed..i confessed all of my wrong doings and i asked God to forgive me. then another voice i heard said "Jesus is perfect and He loves you, you need to love now." and it was a crazy powerful thing that took over me. i feel like today i got saved. i see things differently now. as of now God made me go through my life the way He did because its His plan for me. I live for Jesus Christ now. i feel like all my anger is gone. why should i be mad over something trivial anymore when Jesus loves me??! JESUS LOVES ME!!! He died for me, He is my best friend. Jesus to me now is He always around me. I just need to realize that. He will send someone to comfort me , but isnt really Him telling me that through that person. sometimes He will send me a broken hearted person and He will use me to reach out to them. im going to start reading the new testament with some friends so we can learn more about Jesus and what He expects from us. Jesus today opened my eyes, ears and heart. it was grace that just flooded through. i cried so much, it was first sad, i was sad of my sins that i commited, but then after i confessed everything, this amazing feeling of love and peace just came over me.i know that my life will be getting tougher as i continue my walk on earth with Christ, but I know He is right next to me with each step. i may die tomorrow, i may live to be 110. who knows, only the Father knows. Im so happy that He is going to use me!! I feel like John the Baptist when he said "I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come who is more powerful than I, whose sandals im not fit to carry."(Matthew 3:11) why i feel like that is, im not worthy to carry Jesus' sandals and yet He loves me. I have a new outlook on life. I know that Jesus is going to put people in my life so He can teach me lessons, help me grow. Jesus sees the best in us, we cant because we are human and we dont see everything. go ahead, ask 5 of your friends or family members to decribe you and I bet you will get 5 different answers. But only Jesus can tell you who you really are. and you know how you do that? PRAYER. Prayer has saved my life. Prayer has changed my life. Prayer to me is so important now. and to strenghen my prayer, im really going to be studying scripture. i want to be the best person i can be. i know that the only way is through Jesus Christ. He gave up his godly title, to be here on earth and suffer like we do. He knows how its like to be mocked, to feel alone, to be hated by everyone and being betrayed. but what did Jesus do? He prayed. he forgives. He preached. He cured the lame and the sick. He cast demons and was tempted by satan himself.He was beaten down a road to be executed. He bled for me. a crown of thorns was smashed into His skull. Nails were driven into His hands and feet. He was scourged, beaten and tortured. all because Im a sinner and im not worthy of anything. Jesus didnt need to die, but He had to, because He loves me so much. How do i even get to repay Jesus? He even said "cast your burdens on me for my yoke is light." How much love is that. He also said "birds rest in their nest and foxes in their dens but the Son has no place to rest His head." and thats sad because how many times have I taken Jesus for granted. i do it every day. Im a sinner, caught up in this world. My flesh is weak. But now, Im going to be praying for Jesus to make me a true disciple of His. I want Jesus to be able to rest His Holy head upon my shoulder. Jesus, i love you so much. Help me be the best you know I can be. You are the perfect example. I ask this in your name Jesus Christ, king of kings. My savior and redeemer. My hope, my joy, my faith, my love and all things good. For you are all this and more. *amen*