One of my brothers is having a pool party at our house. His girlfriend is here now helping him prepare. My other brother and his girlfriend will be at the pool party too. I feel a bit left out because I don't have a boyfriend and I wont be going to the pool party because of my PTSD and anxiety around people. I have spent the time praying to Jesus to be with me and that I will not be ashamed of my life or wounds. I read some more of Job and it shows me that sometimes people do suffer badly and I am not alone. I am staying in my room during the party, it will be from 7pm to 11pm. I have felt some anger that my life is so painful but I thought about how God blessed Job after he suffered. I also read my book I brought on ritual abuse. She writes about how ritual abuse is also torture and that it is through Him that I will heal. I write this blog with some sadness in my heart. I lost too much. I can only hope and pray I am restored.