I really need advice please:
I love my husband, love is a choice and I choose to love him but I feel like I'm trapped in a marriage that if I am truly honest with myself I don't want to be in. I am tired and exhausted. It's not that I want to be with another person but I'm just fed up trying to make it work.
Background:
I met my husband and we dated for about 6months - we slept together (even though we we were (and still are) both christians and knew we had sinned. I got pregnant. We decided to ask God for forgiveness and try to put it right. We got married while I was three months pregnant and now have a beautiful son Malachi, who is now 4.
The problems: My husband is very selfish with money, he spends so much on himself and hardly any on me and our son, if I ask for $2 he gets angry and says I waste money but then can go out and buy an $800 phone and not even care or ask me, even though we agreed not to spend any more money (he works fulltime and earns a reasonable wage, I work part time and am a student at university I will be a qualified teacher in 8 months). He doesn't play with our son much and I feel like Malachi misses out. He seems bored whenever I encourage him to play with him like he doesn't want to be there at all. I feel really bad for our son he doesn't deserve a dad that doesn't make an effort to play with him.
I have talked about these things with him over and over again, I feel like I'm wasting my breath now.
He is selfish during sex, he only wants to please himself and doesn't care about my sexual needs.
He spends all night on the computer and play station and never with me.
I really felt this year God was saying to us to strip our hearts bare and abandon everything in our lives and start fresh with our marriage and parenting and in our walk with Him. I told my husband and he smiled as he always does and agreed but when I asked Him when a good time would be to maybe sit for an hour and plan how we want to raise our son and how we'd like to grow our marriage he continually fobs me off.
I am so lost. I feel like it's been five years of trying and getting no where. I'm constantly exhausted and stressed out about it.
I feel like I am his mother who takes care of him but not his wife.
Over the past year I have been desiring other guys (in my head) and my friends husbands wishing they were my husband. I know it is so wrong and I feel guilty about it but I don't wanna keep trying. The only reason I haven't left yet is because my son deserves his mum and dad to be together and not apart. Please help me, what more can I do? It's hard to make a marriage work when only one person has been trying...
I love my husband, love is a choice and I choose to love him but I feel like I'm trapped in a marriage that if I am truly honest with myself I don't want to be in. I am tired and exhausted. It's not that I want to be with another person but I'm just fed up trying to make it work.
Background:
I met my husband and we dated for about 6months - we slept together (even though we we were (and still are) both christians and knew we had sinned. I got pregnant. We decided to ask God for forgiveness and try to put it right. We got married while I was three months pregnant and now have a beautiful son Malachi, who is now 4.
The problems: My husband is very selfish with money, he spends so much on himself and hardly any on me and our son, if I ask for $2 he gets angry and says I waste money but then can go out and buy an $800 phone and not even care or ask me, even though we agreed not to spend any more money (he works fulltime and earns a reasonable wage, I work part time and am a student at university I will be a qualified teacher in 8 months). He doesn't play with our son much and I feel like Malachi misses out. He seems bored whenever I encourage him to play with him like he doesn't want to be there at all. I feel really bad for our son he doesn't deserve a dad that doesn't make an effort to play with him.
I have talked about these things with him over and over again, I feel like I'm wasting my breath now.
He is selfish during sex, he only wants to please himself and doesn't care about my sexual needs.
He spends all night on the computer and play station and never with me.
I really felt this year God was saying to us to strip our hearts bare and abandon everything in our lives and start fresh with our marriage and parenting and in our walk with Him. I told my husband and he smiled as he always does and agreed but when I asked Him when a good time would be to maybe sit for an hour and plan how we want to raise our son and how we'd like to grow our marriage he continually fobs me off.
I am so lost. I feel like it's been five years of trying and getting no where. I'm constantly exhausted and stressed out about it.
I feel like I am his mother who takes care of him but not his wife.
Over the past year I have been desiring other guys (in my head) and my friends husbands wishing they were my husband. I know it is so wrong and I feel guilty about it but I don't wanna keep trying. The only reason I haven't left yet is because my son deserves his mum and dad to be together and not apart. Please help me, what more can I do? It's hard to make a marriage work when only one person has been trying...