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I read my journal from 4 years ago today.

I was suffering greatly. I know I have also suffered this year. But I have given so much to God. All of my Ashes, in exchange for beauty.

Unfortuantely, I run right back and scoop them up again. How can He give me beauty when im holding on to my Ashes fiercely?

Im so tired of doing that. I really want to rest now.

I want to leave them there.
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