This one has to be a jumble of stuff, or nothing. I am trying real hard to fast for the elections (though no 40 day fast this time).
So as happens many times when I do fast, I get headaches and have a hard time concentrating. Right now I feel so space. During these times it's actually easier for me to do physical things (that don't require much thought), since I usually don't get physically tired.
Well, going back and forth about moving. Have not truely made a firm decision yet. Kind of like the this summer, it's just wait and see. I am waiting for some kind of sign from God (some nudge to go this way or that for sure).
It came to me though, I was reminded, hey wait a minute...this thing can't just be all about the practical. Then well that would be too base. God always has higher things in mind. All things work together for His purposes- which include more than just having a place to park your stuff.
I was rembering how most times where we have lived has been filled with divine appointments and the anointing of God. He knows who are going to be our neighbors etc.... how being in a certain location can be strategic.
That's thing, I'm rememinded again, that we have to keep pressing in. Pressing in for God's perfect will, yesterday- won't cut it for today. Just like with God's people out in the wilderness- they to go out each time and collect afresh, the manna from Heaven. He didn't want them to store it up, and warned them if they did it would rot and get maggots.
This is also like holding on to the "old ways" the old moves, like "that's how we've always done it" assuming it will therefore work again now. God want's us to keep seeking for His will daily, it's a daily relationship. It's not so much about getting something "new" but more geeting something afresh. God always has something "fresh" for us- if we seek for it. If we get complacent, well then we will be the ones choosing to settle for stale bread.
Most times I don't believe the presence of God will come, unless we press in and seek for it. Just like Jesus said, if you seek for me with all your heart- you will find me. God wants all our heart, soul, mind & strength, that's what He makes clear in the Bible.
So I was praying that way, I just don't want any place, I want the place. Prayin how God can do great things "exceedingly above what we can ask or think". So I'm not going to settle for anything less than His will. This even though it's often easier to just go ahead and "do something".
Soo haard to wait.
Mentioning His presence reminds me of this other situation. I don't believe I was off, about God's will having to do with this one other person. I did sense something real, although it was hard to define exactly what was going on, but I knew God was highlighting something. It's intresting not long after I was sensing something, and writing about it, I didn't see them around anymore. Then, now we aren't going to be going there anymore (maybe my spouse this weekend, to tie up some loose ends).
so like how could that have been God, if something like this was coming?
I wonder if they knew (maybe got the inside info). and maybe they were dealing with leaving, maybe they've totally left. Maybe that's what I was picking up, a kindred mindset/situation.
Maybe too one or both of us missed the last crossing paths, out of not being there at the same time (with 4 services that's easy to happen).
I'll never forget one time at our church before this one, that one morning before church I got the sense God had something for me, like I was going to meet someone. Then the Holy Spirit drew my attention to this one gal I didn't know. Then it kept coming to me. So I prayed a usual prayer, well if this is you, you're gonna have to put it together- since this is what you seem to want.God, I don't know this person, don't know what to say etc..
Then there I was the usher seated me 2 seats to the side from them. I was thinking OK, here we go...God is doing something... I better look out.
Then I think something happened where the pastor said to say hi to someone new or she asked what was the verse we had to turn to- something innocuous in any case. When that happened, I felt "it", that knowing again, God's hand is here.
Sure enough at break I was going to get up, and she starts talking to me. I even remember her name- Angelina.
I was scared out of my wits (that fear of the Lord, like wow- this is for real!).
Impressions come to mind, which are often best to toss aside. By how she looked, she was made up like trying to look perfect. Looked like not only she was fully accessorized but with expensive ones. That would have liked to take me back.
Then again, I've had different friends like that, I'm not one to be jealous or envious of stuff like that. I suppose to, to those "types" I seem pretty harmless and not competition so there isn't usually a problem.
Actually, I guess some gals like that I've really gotten along with well (and vice versa). I don't mind hanging around with the "stars" whatever, and I'll support them, as long as they are "down-to-earth", not cruel, and have a nice side to them.
I'm never been part of any fan club of any "ice queen" types (can't think of a better description other than what the world might call them, which term I won't use).
For me, better the "drama queens", I guess the other are more NPD like. However ASPD can make one cold, but more on the "matter of fact" side, not cruel. With them it's not as personal, which for me is better to handle. Especially if we have common goals and generally get along good, I can flow with the occasional "heartlessness". If they're Christian I guess one would call that their inconsiderateness, rudeness, or callousness. I've had some friends with those tendancies, if if you are close- things dont get "warm & fuzzy".. lol maybe occasionally warm (in a distant sort of way) but certainly not fuzzy.
I don't think they're purposely trying to step on people, they think "stuff just happens". For me that's just easier to be around than if you're proud (insecure) and trying to tear down people and trying to make them look bad all the time.
Anywaay...
So I put aside first impressions and went with the flow. Sure enough, she went past talking about the usual openers, chit chat, but zoomed into some deep stuff. I'm not sure if it was this first time or another when I "ended up" sitting behind her, and she turned around and we started talking. For whatever reason she let it "all hang out". She also asked me questions and listened to my answers and asked connecting questions, so that was nice. I was right, she was from the suburbs and came from some suburban church, but now she wanted something different. She was having problems with her hubby, he wanted to stay at the same dull (for lack of a better word right now) or dry church. A friend had invited her to a conference here and she really liked it. We covered a lot in a short time. In other words hit it off really well.
I do think (if it's something in the spirit-good or evil) people can make connections just like that, just like there are others you can know them for years and never have it "click". She shared about a lot of deep personal stuff with me, like about problems with her husband, abuse, etc...
So I prayed for her and about our friendship. At that time we both weren't going there on a consistant basis, but when we did see each other God's hand was there. Usually I'm not a big hugger (unless I know you real well) but she seemed pretty affectionate and when she hugged me, it seemed real. I believe if we both continued going to church there we would have become good friends. God was in it for sure, and it came to pass, however short lived. Did we miss more by not continuing to go to that church? So I wonder the same now with this recent situation (although we didn't get to talk like the other situation).
It's good for me to think & write about this stuff- since I'm going to try to take some major social steps this weekend. I found out I just missed someones child's b-day (who was also a good friend of one of my kids)
- good opening as well. So I'm going to call them and ask if I could bring a gift by (what would they like). Got lots to catch up (so no dead air). They moved in with their sister now (not sure how good that is) and I guess they'r enot with their old bf (not sure how good that is either, better to marry that one or who knows what they'll find now?)
Ha, it was nice (talk about warm feelings) their mom pointed out to me- that they showed the mom their phone and said "Look mom they (meaning me) hasn't called me- their number isn't this list (of current calls)"
So that means they are looking for my call or at least noticing it one way or another (I think good sign).
They could have been pointing it out in a bad way, discrediting me to their mom, who thinks well of me (by the grace of God)- attitude like: you keep saying she's gonna call but look they haven't (implied, what kind of Christian is that, they aren't as great as you think).
Still, if you could care less, you wouldn't be paying attention to notice their number, esp. since I have a different number from before, and only have called from this one once, maybe twice. I tend to thnk it's a good sign. It's usually easier to tell how someone feels about you, in person.
Don't know if I will be seeing more of them, if it seems like I'm going to be going back to that church. It is World War III again- since yes, they do want to leave A. but right now are dead set against going back to B.
So far B. is my best choice (and I had been thinking about it recently anyway)... I and we have freinds there, fairly close ones at that ( I say it that way because it's not as easy to be close when you don't see eahc other as often as before). After this long, and all, it's not as easy to start over meeting totally new people.
I know the + & -'s. Right now this is where I sense the strongest anointing. Again it goes back to, I want the presence, I want God to be in something, His perfect will- that is where there is life, freshness, vitality, grace.
Well I'm going there, where this goes from here- I'm not going to worry about that.
That's tied into the moving thing too (ug back to that). Right now it's so easy to get there on my/our own- if I have to. From the other area, not easy. Hmm- God what is your perfect will? On the other hand there is really no church up there. Well maybe one new one started by a friend (of my hubby's)
I like the guy and have respect for him- doesn't mean I want him for my pastor though- no offence. Speaking of that, it would be cool to go to our other old friends (the wife has been like a mentor of mine) church. Easier to get to know the people there we don't know, easier for us to work with and do ministry there (they would give us lots to do, maybe a position). Though, I like the preaching and our kids would enjoy it, have lot's of fellowship, but personally I don't think they're "tough" enough and I wouldn't want any conflict to come up. I think better for her to stay friend & mentor than possibly lose that through disagreement in issues over doctrine.It's not so much doctrine as how to apply it...
Anyway, lot's to decide, lot's of transition....
So as happens many times when I do fast, I get headaches and have a hard time concentrating. Right now I feel so space. During these times it's actually easier for me to do physical things (that don't require much thought), since I usually don't get physically tired.
Well, going back and forth about moving. Have not truely made a firm decision yet. Kind of like the this summer, it's just wait and see. I am waiting for some kind of sign from God (some nudge to go this way or that for sure).
It came to me though, I was reminded, hey wait a minute...this thing can't just be all about the practical. Then well that would be too base. God always has higher things in mind. All things work together for His purposes- which include more than just having a place to park your stuff.
I was rembering how most times where we have lived has been filled with divine appointments and the anointing of God. He knows who are going to be our neighbors etc.... how being in a certain location can be strategic.
That's thing, I'm rememinded again, that we have to keep pressing in. Pressing in for God's perfect will, yesterday- won't cut it for today. Just like with God's people out in the wilderness- they to go out each time and collect afresh, the manna from Heaven. He didn't want them to store it up, and warned them if they did it would rot and get maggots.
This is also like holding on to the "old ways" the old moves, like "that's how we've always done it" assuming it will therefore work again now. God want's us to keep seeking for His will daily, it's a daily relationship. It's not so much about getting something "new" but more geeting something afresh. God always has something "fresh" for us- if we seek for it. If we get complacent, well then we will be the ones choosing to settle for stale bread.
Most times I don't believe the presence of God will come, unless we press in and seek for it. Just like Jesus said, if you seek for me with all your heart- you will find me. God wants all our heart, soul, mind & strength, that's what He makes clear in the Bible.
So I was praying that way, I just don't want any place, I want the place. Prayin how God can do great things "exceedingly above what we can ask or think". So I'm not going to settle for anything less than His will. This even though it's often easier to just go ahead and "do something".
Soo haard to wait.
Mentioning His presence reminds me of this other situation. I don't believe I was off, about God's will having to do with this one other person. I did sense something real, although it was hard to define exactly what was going on, but I knew God was highlighting something. It's intresting not long after I was sensing something, and writing about it, I didn't see them around anymore. Then, now we aren't going to be going there anymore (maybe my spouse this weekend, to tie up some loose ends).
so like how could that have been God, if something like this was coming?
I wonder if they knew (maybe got the inside info). and maybe they were dealing with leaving, maybe they've totally left. Maybe that's what I was picking up, a kindred mindset/situation.
Maybe too one or both of us missed the last crossing paths, out of not being there at the same time (with 4 services that's easy to happen).
I'll never forget one time at our church before this one, that one morning before church I got the sense God had something for me, like I was going to meet someone. Then the Holy Spirit drew my attention to this one gal I didn't know. Then it kept coming to me. So I prayed a usual prayer, well if this is you, you're gonna have to put it together- since this is what you seem to want.God, I don't know this person, don't know what to say etc..
Then there I was the usher seated me 2 seats to the side from them. I was thinking OK, here we go...God is doing something... I better look out.
Then I think something happened where the pastor said to say hi to someone new or she asked what was the verse we had to turn to- something innocuous in any case. When that happened, I felt "it", that knowing again, God's hand is here.
Sure enough at break I was going to get up, and she starts talking to me. I even remember her name- Angelina.
I was scared out of my wits (that fear of the Lord, like wow- this is for real!).
Impressions come to mind, which are often best to toss aside. By how she looked, she was made up like trying to look perfect. Looked like not only she was fully accessorized but with expensive ones. That would have liked to take me back.
Then again, I've had different friends like that, I'm not one to be jealous or envious of stuff like that. I suppose to, to those "types" I seem pretty harmless and not competition so there isn't usually a problem.
Actually, I guess some gals like that I've really gotten along with well (and vice versa). I don't mind hanging around with the "stars" whatever, and I'll support them, as long as they are "down-to-earth", not cruel, and have a nice side to them.
I'm never been part of any fan club of any "ice queen" types (can't think of a better description other than what the world might call them, which term I won't use).
For me, better the "drama queens", I guess the other are more NPD like. However ASPD can make one cold, but more on the "matter of fact" side, not cruel. With them it's not as personal, which for me is better to handle. Especially if we have common goals and generally get along good, I can flow with the occasional "heartlessness". If they're Christian I guess one would call that their inconsiderateness, rudeness, or callousness. I've had some friends with those tendancies, if if you are close- things dont get "warm & fuzzy".. lol maybe occasionally warm (in a distant sort of way) but certainly not fuzzy.
I don't think they're purposely trying to step on people, they think "stuff just happens". For me that's just easier to be around than if you're proud (insecure) and trying to tear down people and trying to make them look bad all the time.
Anywaay...
So I put aside first impressions and went with the flow. Sure enough, she went past talking about the usual openers, chit chat, but zoomed into some deep stuff. I'm not sure if it was this first time or another when I "ended up" sitting behind her, and she turned around and we started talking. For whatever reason she let it "all hang out". She also asked me questions and listened to my answers and asked connecting questions, so that was nice. I was right, she was from the suburbs and came from some suburban church, but now she wanted something different. She was having problems with her hubby, he wanted to stay at the same dull (for lack of a better word right now) or dry church. A friend had invited her to a conference here and she really liked it. We covered a lot in a short time. In other words hit it off really well.
I do think (if it's something in the spirit-good or evil) people can make connections just like that, just like there are others you can know them for years and never have it "click". She shared about a lot of deep personal stuff with me, like about problems with her husband, abuse, etc...
So I prayed for her and about our friendship. At that time we both weren't going there on a consistant basis, but when we did see each other God's hand was there. Usually I'm not a big hugger (unless I know you real well) but she seemed pretty affectionate and when she hugged me, it seemed real. I believe if we both continued going to church there we would have become good friends. God was in it for sure, and it came to pass, however short lived. Did we miss more by not continuing to go to that church? So I wonder the same now with this recent situation (although we didn't get to talk like the other situation).
It's good for me to think & write about this stuff- since I'm going to try to take some major social steps this weekend. I found out I just missed someones child's b-day (who was also a good friend of one of my kids)
- good opening as well. So I'm going to call them and ask if I could bring a gift by (what would they like). Got lots to catch up (so no dead air). They moved in with their sister now (not sure how good that is) and I guess they'r enot with their old bf (not sure how good that is either, better to marry that one or who knows what they'll find now?)
Ha, it was nice (talk about warm feelings) their mom pointed out to me- that they showed the mom their phone and said "Look mom they (meaning me) hasn't called me- their number isn't this list (of current calls)"
So that means they are looking for my call or at least noticing it one way or another (I think good sign).
They could have been pointing it out in a bad way, discrediting me to their mom, who thinks well of me (by the grace of God)- attitude like: you keep saying she's gonna call but look they haven't (implied, what kind of Christian is that, they aren't as great as you think).
Still, if you could care less, you wouldn't be paying attention to notice their number, esp. since I have a different number from before, and only have called from this one once, maybe twice. I tend to thnk it's a good sign. It's usually easier to tell how someone feels about you, in person.
Don't know if I will be seeing more of them, if it seems like I'm going to be going back to that church. It is World War III again- since yes, they do want to leave A. but right now are dead set against going back to B.
So far B. is my best choice (and I had been thinking about it recently anyway)... I and we have freinds there, fairly close ones at that ( I say it that way because it's not as easy to be close when you don't see eahc other as often as before). After this long, and all, it's not as easy to start over meeting totally new people.
I know the + & -'s. Right now this is where I sense the strongest anointing. Again it goes back to, I want the presence, I want God to be in something, His perfect will- that is where there is life, freshness, vitality, grace.
Well I'm going there, where this goes from here- I'm not going to worry about that.
That's tied into the moving thing too (ug back to that). Right now it's so easy to get there on my/our own- if I have to. From the other area, not easy. Hmm- God what is your perfect will? On the other hand there is really no church up there. Well maybe one new one started by a friend (of my hubby's)
I like the guy and have respect for him- doesn't mean I want him for my pastor though- no offence. Speaking of that, it would be cool to go to our other old friends (the wife has been like a mentor of mine) church. Easier to get to know the people there we don't know, easier for us to work with and do ministry there (they would give us lots to do, maybe a position). Though, I like the preaching and our kids would enjoy it, have lot's of fellowship, but personally I don't think they're "tough" enough and I wouldn't want any conflict to come up. I think better for her to stay friend & mentor than possibly lose that through disagreement in issues over doctrine.It's not so much doctrine as how to apply it...
Anyway, lot's to decide, lot's of transition....