Graciousness helps tremendously.
I was afraid of someone in my family who always tore me down. She was coming to visit me, and I was petrified. I cleaned my home meticulously, but I knew even this would not help. I dropped into bed in exhaustion, but prayed first, asking for help. As I woke the Lord spoke to me. He reminded me of Proverbs 11:16, where is says that a gracious woman retains honor. He gave me the understanding that I was to be gracious with this person. I was to treat her honorably, and at the same time expect her to treat me honorably as well.
So I did that. When I picked her up from the airport I noticed the blouse she was wearing and commented on how well that looked on her. During the visit I looked for opportunities for honest praise. It had to be honest, she would sense it if it wasn't. I found many, thanking her for her help in the past, graciously acknowledging her, praising even little things.
It totally unarmed her. Suddenly I realized the reason she had so much difficulty giving me good words was because she had almost never gotten any good words herself. How can you pass on love when you have so little yourself? I found myself coming to love her in a way I had never loved her before--and amazingly she reciprocated.
I have never forgotten that lesson. Sometimes the difficult people in our lives are difficult because they have had so little love and acceptance. So give them good words, encourage them, praise them. Love them a little with the love of God, and see how they change. It is truly amazing.
I was afraid of someone in my family who always tore me down. She was coming to visit me, and I was petrified. I cleaned my home meticulously, but I knew even this would not help. I dropped into bed in exhaustion, but prayed first, asking for help. As I woke the Lord spoke to me. He reminded me of Proverbs 11:16, where is says that a gracious woman retains honor. He gave me the understanding that I was to be gracious with this person. I was to treat her honorably, and at the same time expect her to treat me honorably as well.
So I did that. When I picked her up from the airport I noticed the blouse she was wearing and commented on how well that looked on her. During the visit I looked for opportunities for honest praise. It had to be honest, she would sense it if it wasn't. I found many, thanking her for her help in the past, graciously acknowledging her, praising even little things.
It totally unarmed her. Suddenly I realized the reason she had so much difficulty giving me good words was because she had almost never gotten any good words herself. How can you pass on love when you have so little yourself? I found myself coming to love her in a way I had never loved her before--and amazingly she reciprocated.
I have never forgotten that lesson. Sometimes the difficult people in our lives are difficult because they have had so little love and acceptance. So give them good words, encourage them, praise them. Love them a little with the love of God, and see how they change. It is truly amazing.