I live in monkey island. That is the definition of a society. Its a giant zoo with many different cages. I get well from mental sickness, when I turn to God and ask how to survive in one of these cages. Ive decided to be a human being around apes. How am I going to wake up and deal with these apes. Apes are not humans. They have no rules in there own lives and no rules when dealing with mine. I have to trust God and learn how to respond.
God takes me to different places upon my journey to learn different skills that I may survive another day in these cages.
God allows a life to be lived and happiness within these cages.
I must heal up to have a real life. And this is a tricky mixture. Its a hard thing to heal up and have to function at the same time. Its a very hard thing.
I miss Sodom and Gomorra. Apart of me thinks the world is where I aught to shine. And I am grieving the losses and failures through my life. I feel depressed as a failure and a loser. And this is a newer hardship..
I feel like a big loser. I have to pray to God for help. I feel less then and that Im not good enough. A very sad deep part of me, a deep whole exists for looser. This is not the God hole. That hole has been filled. I am not God-insecure anymore. I had to drill a deep well to get that hole filled with God-concrete.
I reject myself.. I was taught I was not good enough being myself. My mother competed with me. Or thought I was competition. She wanted to destroy me so she could be the center of the Universe. Im attempting to work her out of my system. She was no mother. And I think this hurts no matter what direction I go. I wanted to love my mother with all my heart because I was a good person. However, she was a sadistic sociopath and had no bond to me.
God has let me know that I never had a mother. He was my mother and father, and I had no other.
Im working toward healing.
These problems effect my ability to be creative or to create, they effect my ability to have relationships with people. I feel like a loser, and Im not good enough.
God takes me to different places upon my journey to learn different skills that I may survive another day in these cages.
God allows a life to be lived and happiness within these cages.
I must heal up to have a real life. And this is a tricky mixture. Its a hard thing to heal up and have to function at the same time. Its a very hard thing.
I miss Sodom and Gomorra. Apart of me thinks the world is where I aught to shine. And I am grieving the losses and failures through my life. I feel depressed as a failure and a loser. And this is a newer hardship..
I feel like a big loser. I have to pray to God for help. I feel less then and that Im not good enough. A very sad deep part of me, a deep whole exists for looser. This is not the God hole. That hole has been filled. I am not God-insecure anymore. I had to drill a deep well to get that hole filled with God-concrete.
I reject myself.. I was taught I was not good enough being myself. My mother competed with me. Or thought I was competition. She wanted to destroy me so she could be the center of the Universe. Im attempting to work her out of my system. She was no mother. And I think this hurts no matter what direction I go. I wanted to love my mother with all my heart because I was a good person. However, she was a sadistic sociopath and had no bond to me.
God has let me know that I never had a mother. He was my mother and father, and I had no other.
Im working toward healing.
These problems effect my ability to be creative or to create, they effect my ability to have relationships with people. I feel like a loser, and Im not good enough.